How To Stay Stressed

By Sandra Kiume

A few tongue-in-cheek pointers on How To Stay Stressed:

Are you worried now about how to stay stressed? You’ll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:

NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, [energy drinks] and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM. Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don’t take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

PROCRASTINATE. Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

Like procrastinatng on blog posts. I feel better now having done it.

I’ll stress the irony of one bullet: “Throw out your sense of humour. Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one.”

Laugh, laugh, it’ll do you good.

Read more of How to Stay Stressed by students at De Anza College, via Jeffery of Pills Don’t Teach Skills.

Sandra Kiume is a mental health advocate and editor of Channel N who lives in Vancouver, Canada.