I have a schizophrenic friend, he is just 26 and is properly medicated. He barely ever comes out of his room, he is afraid he will “drop off the edge” i have no idea what he means…. He is a great guy.

I have a schizophrenic friend, he is just 26 and is properly medicated. He barely ever comes out of his room, he is afraid he will “drop off the edge” i have no idea what he means…. He is a great guy. He really is.
The disorder is horrid.

I have schizophrenic and I am very scared to go outside. Sometimes, the thoughts jagged up and I can’t think nothing. I sometimes don’t know where I am. I think I lost feeling of reality around me. I just don’t know anything going on no further than 3 feet diameter around me. I feel like I am locked up. And, people are scorning me and laughing at me and they try to come inside of my head to control me. I was very mild compare to those who severe, but it seems like I can’t really think clear enough. I have met someone who had learning disability and he loved me and whenever I am with him, my senses come back all of sudden. I thought we were meant to be but he is too controlling over my life and I have to escape. I originally traumatized by my parents who unwanted me from the birth and they were very mean to me. They once told they will exchange me with other orphan. They are very sarcastic and my mother never came to see me at school, frequently forget to give me bus fair to come back and they forget my birthday all the time. I have never had my birthday party with friend. I had no friend what so ever until I become 12. My mother brought me to the church. When I heart that if I believe Jesus and accept holy ghost, then I will go to heave, I knew that this is my luckiest day of my life. I literally remember when my parents discussed about abortion. Since my dad is pharacist he knows he could perscribe. I remember they were talking. I was saying, “if my parent don’t want me there is nothing I could do. I have to disappeared, but I haven’t even born yet.” inside mother’s womb. After I was born they somehow delivered me, I never cried. According to my parents, they thought I was retarded. I was just seeing my parents were busy with my 3 years older sister and 1 year and a month older brother, so I kept quiet but it gave them a worse impression when a child was unwanted and silence. I am growing still inside, I talk and do things like regular people. I talk a lot when there is interesting things but when there isn’t I don’t talk at all. I talked less than 10 words a day til high school. My college year was really my elementary school first grade. People loved me for I am being myself, but, I developed schizophrenia at senior year. I think there is still fear that when I heard that my parents talking about dumping me in orphanage. I specifically remember that time. It was dark and I was 4 just about to find the fun outside of the world. I couldn’t sleep one night and I went out of room and then sit behind the kitchen. My dad and mom was sitting at the table and I thought they didn’t noticed me. My dad was showing his back from my view and my mother was looking at the table. All of sudden my dad was saying I would rather bring orphan instead of raising me. I was so shocked. How could dad tell such thing, and I look at my mother expecting that she will tell him that saying such things is bad, but then she started to giggle. I ran into the room. I fell a sleep but next day and the next day i was devastated. I slept with mom at home refused to go outside. I had this image that moment that if I am left in the middle of the street, someone will show up and bring me around and he will be smiling at me and I will too, but then at night time, he will bring me to one dark spot and kill me. I just thought that. It was like a movie in my vision. And, I thought I could die. People think of death long before they could remember, it’s just they are so new, they refuse to think until they become over 70 seriously. I was just refusing the question about the death and I was literally stuck at that question. That kind of question is unanswerable. Even if someone could talk about it doesn’t mean it will become ultimately the answer. No one knows and no one will talk about it and become serious about it with someone and that question is deep looted. Even as an adult, I think I could handle myself out of trouble avoiding such incident like that tiny bodied 4 years old could face outside, I am traumatized still. I tried to talk, but no one would listen. So, I keep quiet. No one would like to know and no one will listen until they become 70 but I am now that’s the biggest concern and there is no one to listen. I am literally screaming inside for help but no one would do anything that’s schizophrenic. I give up on social life and always fear something that is unclear from what source and I see what I believe is true. And, if I see people threatening me, then they look really threatening. It’s the other way around, they are the ones who fear and maybe self-defensive when they do such bad things that no one would accept and think maybe they are guilty that they could end up in execution death row, but I won’t know the detail but I see them as fear and they are fear because of what they did and they will not make anyone to see, so I feel like they are dumping their fear to the most vulnerable person in front of perishable fear. When they see I am fear more when they try to get out of the fear or guilty, then I could be victim to feel guilty and they could blame some innocent person as potential guilty person and they could be released from their fear from actual guiltiness. I don’t know what to say but There are evil people who does things with no consciousness and when they get to fear of death due to the things they have done, they will find someone who are feeling guilty without even doing it, and by blaming the one as hiding guilty, and provoking, they will be release while the innocent one who has never done anything actually as more fear over fear of original pure thought of death.

Michael, I hear you and it’s very painful to listen to you because it sounds just so horrible what it feels like to be in your skin. Katrin

drop off the edge could mean various. He is using abstract term that he created himself. However, edge is edge so it could mean he is on the burge of losing control. I would guess he has thought that is caused by paranoia of persecution. His mentality is suffering from the thought that someone would steal his thoughts and use it for other things. I think it happens. I am same disorder It might sound crazy, but people use fear as a tactic sometimes to become more brave than normal people so that they could do things that normal people won’t because of hurting but they want to get over the fear sometimes, only to show off of their power and get rid of fear of death. Some people are very reckless you know that.

oh my God, someone was listening to me. Thank you. No one would listen and they even blame me for having thoughts like that. I am just waiting til I become and they become over 70 whenever I am refused but I have to live and it’s really overwhelming. I become really repulsive when I see people refuse and I even become more hating about life. I think that answer is the key to everything. Without that answer there wont be any kind of direction or goal of our life. Many strange things happened to me since I am fighting at the bottom line. I think many reckless people are bothering me and I am just trying to live with faith and they are just trying to break the fear. I think everything is possible in faith but sometimes they really bothers. Maybe I am crazy I don’t know really. Death don’t feel crazy don’t make sense.

I bet we all have child inside. I feel it. And, I know that people are scaring those for they want things more and more and more even if that hurts. I hope to find the way to make everyone safe. I really feel like some spirit. I feel the brain waves and it’s like electro magnetic field that affecting body. you might not notice but it exist and bad people has that low frequency. It’s such low and it will override high pitch and they steal your vibe.

after they override their guilty feeling they have to make other same guilty even when others have done nothing. It’s like justification and creating sacrifice goat. When I am connected to goodness, they cant get in, but if I am disconnected they could come in. avoid people who try to imitate you or try to mock you. They only do that because when you see them doing that they know you will always come back and they will make us slave. I think showing off of themselves is what they do, and only showing off in front of other sex, they are trying to steal attention and that’s their paranoia of grandeur and it’s same as paranoia of persecution which is really nothing but a inferiority complex. Since they feel inferior, they want to suppress others from feeling good. So, they always make up a criticism you as showing off when they really are. Also, in women’s case, it’s about sincere and control. When they don’t have control they will turn to the ones who has and show off as if they have that’s their survival straigtegy since they look just plain no one would give credit but they are mocking those who creative and really making things pretty not just showing off of things as sincere.

i mean.. thank you you made my day.

i felt such relief. Thank you.

please disregard what I write after I wrote about my story. I am sorry. it’s just paranoid.

Don’t worry about what you are saying, Michael. I am not a shrink so I listen with my whole being and not just some ‘hat on’.

‘I bet we all have child inside.’ I do

‘I feel the brain waves and it’s like electro magnetic field that affecting body. you might not notice but it exist and bad people has…’

I don’t have schizophrenia, Michael, but I can even relate to what you are describing here.
Sometimes it really hurts when I feel these brain electrodes. It’s horrible.

have to go to bed, it’s so OK, Michael but I think I know what you mean about people not listening and just turning their back on you when you really need them most and they cannot seal with upset only nice, and…..on and on.

Katrin

Michael, I mean I am not currently working as a shrink. I am otherwise one and also a RN.

I do disregard, not just with you but with everyone what is not useful, and I keep what is.

Your comments are a mixture and again, most people and what they write is a mixture. but you say so much that is really ‘you’ and not about being a ’schizophrenic’. You are you first, Michael, and then you have this illness.

Like I hate it when people refer to me as diabetic, or cancer survivor, or crap like that. I am not a diabetic and neither am I the other. I happen to have Diabetes, and have had it all my life, and I had cancer, but I am not a ’survivor’ as if that was the worst thing that ever happened to me or everyone else.

It just sounds so sad how you were in college and popular and well and then all fell apart.

The very best,

KATRIN

last, whenever, and which is a lot, I talk about something deeply personal here or elsewhere, nobody responds. I think people are afraid of too personal and most of all shrinks cannot handle it. They feel safer arguing about theory and stuff like that.

I am not afraid of ‘real stuff’ because I am more like you on the very human side of the end and have had many wonderful experiences in life but also been to hell.
‘
You don’t have to wait until after you are dead to go to these places because they are all over real life. Kat

thanks kat, it really helps me to think that there is someone who cares in this planet of the earth. I appreciate it.

I believe God and my church did a lot of healing by just believing what it’s written in the bible. I myself performed some miracles by just putting my hand on sick. My roommate had bad stomach ache and went to emergency room. While we visited, I asked him if he wanted me to pray and he agreed and after I pray he fall a sleep and next day he was back in his bed. He has such terrible pain and I felt such shock. His eyes were closed and his face was swollen and I have never thought I could see someone like that. I think it was my compassion. If you believe and pray with compassion, God really grant. I notice many bad people pray. They are like talking to themselves but they talk about bad things going on in their world and accuse people as bad. It’s like as it is written that Satan accuse day and night and they go after innocent people. I guess life is what we prove as innocent in the end. In order to do that, it’s inevitable we will get hurt fighting against accusers. I don’t judge people by their illness. Sometimes people get sick with or without any reason. However, I think if we believe that God forgave us and refuse to take the blame and do whatever you want to be, then it will be fine. And, God will show his mighty hand on bad accusers and give blessing to those who are innocent and not accusing back. I pray for you. DOn’t fall for the accusations. I believe maria Magdalen was the adulteress who was brought out in front of Jesus. She was taking all the accusations cuz she thought that would make her look beautiful. However, the ones who she cared about accused her. And, Jesus notice that and told her that they are accusing but they are the sinners as much as she is. I think that’s important that remember people wants to get away with their guilty feelings and they will use anything weaker than they are as sacrifice goats. When men feel inferiority complex especially, they will use someone weaker underneath of them so that they feel superior. There is nothing you can really do about them cuz they have no love inside they won’t accept love. remember don’t give a pig a pearl, if you do they will trample it and turn around and tear you apart. The more you give them attention the more they actually get mad at you instead of being appreciated and give attention to you back. They are just endless pit?? They don’t believe life. They say life is nothing and there is no love only to get sympathy from women. They are only upto their fulfilling their own desire nothing else. So they are making this up so that they could get some sympathy. They are more like papa boys. I am gay so I know this mechanism. If they are papa boys acting papa boy it’s ok ,but they disguise themselves it’s not. Be aware of those. I think they are the beast in a sheep’s clothing. They are not a baby. They are just hungry beast crying outloud for food around and if they know that you have food, they will devour whole body. Hide yourself.

your diabetic will be cured in 3 months.

Michael says: ‘remember don’t give a pig a pearl, if you do they will trample it and turn around and tear you apart. The more you give them attention the more they actually get mad at you instead of being appreciated and give attention to you back. ‘

God, you are so right and you are so beautifully describing my lifelong experiences
with men. It has gotten better but you really hit the nail on…forgot how this goes.

And about your healing powers, Michael, that does not surprise me the least. These special gifts a lot of times go together with mental illness. And also other gifts, like some of the greatest musicians, artists and writers were mentally ill.

And, see, it’s not only about faults or limitations you may have, but so called ‘normal’ people are not always that great and interesting and worth listening to either.
Just because they are ‘normal’ does not make them likable in the least.

KAT

YEs! it does. Many many people who actually got the spiritual power are such miserable. They find God in fear. They face their own fear and they get the power! however, we don’t have to fear no more. I know that there are lots of people who show off theirs, but don’t believe. Love is only thing that remains at the end. God is love and love is good. I experienced many people fall into the trap that they could use that power for their own good only. Even if they have such power that could listen to God, they will end up preaching it wrongfully and they will use it to get women that they want!! it’s amazing isnt’ it? Human brain is like snake if you see it, And, humans are really cursed because one they know something they will end up using it bad even if they start it as good motive. I think we have to try to love more. Don’t be afraid. Just do it for love and love yourself as well as others. Don’t fall into the trap that you could gain more by criticizing. It’s a trapp and many many people fall into that thinking they are winning but they are not. Just try to do as much as Jesus told not the law. The law is just given so that we can’t keep it. Jesus said like when they slap your face give them other one. It’s very tedious and long process to get used to what Jesus told us to do. It involves with lots of patient and believe but it’s really rewarding.

We just want to look good sometimes, that we criticize others and make it better or show it better and that’s tease. I know some are very talented this and that way, but it’s really showing their fear instead of bravery. If you decide that you will be what you love to be then it’s totally different story. You have to face that no one could teach how. You will only have to face it by being you what you think you are and who you think you are and there has to be lots of scorns and condemnation, but that’s the only way to appeal you so that many people who you want to be with you come around. DOn’t be afraid just believe. Jesus said.

You know Michael, I was aware of my soul long before I became aware of my brain. It’s like it would never occur to me to believe that I have a soul or otherwise, like some people argue about all their lives. My soul is just as real as my body is. I don’t believe much because when you know something you can no longer believe in it?

I have to go and do some stuff but will check in later, OK? KAT

Adam and Eve ate the fruit to know good and the others, and she used tactic to show it good to seduce adam to do bad, and since then adam start to blame others. That’s what happens woman pretend pretty and nice and adam have fun in excuse of woman showing off of her bad side as if good. And when Eve gave a birth of 2 child, good one was killed by the bad. God cursed the land and the land will only produce thorns and thistles. It means when someone try to make excuses of not loving but “having fun,” he end up become jealousy, and frustrated. And, also eve was cursed to have more laboring pain and she become a slave of her husband. She once pretending good revealed, she can no longer show it and recognized as good anymore. However he has to sweat to eat vegetable. When Jesus was praying before the day he was captured on gesemane hill, his sweat turn into blood and fall into the earth. He prayed if God could pass his cup. The accusation upon him which was on us and he was going to prove that heart is the what the law is written not on the stone nor by the ink was his cross. And, he proven it.

I think they all know they are just testing you. They know God, soul, sin and all, but the difference is that they are in denial. I know they know. According to the Bible, no one could be excused for God has shown it through the nature. Don’t get trapped by what they saying they are just saying it so that you will be around to teach them. And when you try to teach them they will scorn you and ask you to give something that is irrelevant to what you are trying to teach.

Believe me, they know they listen to the dark heart.

Kat I think I should talk to you late since my devil roommate is coming back soon. He is really a devil. I can feel it and he is trying to hide inside of me. I don’t know how to explain but we always end up sleeping with enemy so that we know who is bothering truly inside. I think the 4 year old is bothering and people acting only acting like 4 years old come to me so that they could be spared but leaving myself high and dry if I spare them.

talk to you later tell me about more what you thinking and you helped me tremendously when you tell me you feel my pain. It somehow released the plug from my roommate and I felt I am connected to you than him and all of sudden he was moving and I don’t know it’s strange how bad people connect to good and try to use it as excuses. I can’t get out myself but you plugged me into you but I was afraid you might get hurt I am very very negative. I hope you are ok. I think we should just believe and go by the law that is created by society that is by the good people and I should be able to leave bad people and stuff, but 4 year old doesn’t have rules. I just have to believe more and act accordingly. Be careful not to get too much energy. You have to use it for yourself and God will use you when you are empty.

Love exist in between us but not in us. And, in revelation, all those spiritual powers will be abolished but love will be forever. And, Jesus stated how to love and it’s ultimate example. We just have to figure out that how we could achieve love but love is quiet easy and very near. Don’t be tempted by people who ask you love and if you give them love then you will become huge. That’s what’s called yeast in bread. It bluff the bread. They might look miserable or vulnarable so that when you give them it will make them good and it will make you feel great but it’s fake. They are faking it and you feel more than what you supposed to feel and you won’t get anything bad really. Love is just good thing and it’s simple. Don’t get exaggerated by those who fake it as good. If they are bad, you should tell them not to be bad or work something out, instead of show good and forgive everything. If they won’t listen, then leave them alone. You can try 2 times that’s it. Plus, if you are good to them and forgive everything then they will bother weak and vulnerable ones than you are for an excuse of getting forgiveness from you. you end up working double triple for their sin and your own and suffer without any feeling of forgiveness. They took away forgiveness from you to use it bad way. Be wise.

Don’t let them get away from being bad. If you do, you become responsible. If you can’t figure out what they are doing bad but they look bad, then ask. Challenge what they are doing and try to admonish but don’t try too much it comes naturally. If they are just running away, then don’t bother. Just let them run away. Don’t touch death body. Their soul is death.

When they run away you run as fast as you could faster than the speed of them running away.

No, Michael, you don’t have to believe more, you need to learn how to trust yourself more. God is not some big shot outside of you, he is part of you, and that is the only way you can know (him) and yourself. i’ll write later and say more about what you said. KAT I am OK!

People would think that we are crazy just by hearing we are talking about God. I can’t believe how many people deny or they just won’t recognize as big part of life. I think it’s very important and they don’t know what they are talking. Besides, some men are too spiritual as opposed to people who are not at all. sigh.. I don’t know where to find someone in the middle. I think all women go through this too. Don’t you think?

To me, God is not someone you learn about in church, and it’s not something someone can preach me about and what I shall or shall not believe in.

It’s something you meet in the streets, by not looking for, but noticing in, the eyes of a certain dog radiating such spirit, by recognizing in the dynamics between others and yourself, by experience, by keeping your eyes and soul open to all. You find it where you least expect it and not by sitting in Church and believing some old fart preaching.

Oh well, Katrin

To me it’s not a mystery and about a while cloud where bored angels in white sit and play the harp. It’s to be found all over, and in every day stuff, and totally real.
Not above and beyond the little man, but standing between.

believe me… he exits as a form of that actually you could see, hear, and feel. I recommend you to trust me and have some experience by doing what the bible says exactly in new testament what Jesus said. We could still doing it without instruction but sometimes, there is only way to do it in order to experience it and you will know what it means when you do it only. God won’t give you the test you can’t get over. He will open up a door to escape just before you fall.

I am with you, Michael!

:)) yay!

let’s make this happen. those who don’t appreciate and want more and more and more eventually they will break themselves or someone very close are not worth it. Leave them alone and find what you want and there are people just want you just the way you are.

Karan, you know how selfish men are? I don’t know what to do with them. If I ignore them I will be left alone but successful since they are lazy, however if I want to be with them they want me to be sleazy. I think all men are very attracted by something dirty after all.

people normally think people with schizophrenia are dangerous but it’s wrong. Sometimes it’s opposite. They are more helpless than anyone around. It might be my luck but i end up meeting people like my parents all the time even though I try to meet someone different. They just follow me around and they criticize only to make themselves look better. I don’t know know what to do. I am trying and they will judge no matter what only because they like to judge. And, if I am with them, I completely shut down and people don’t understand me at all. Schizophrenic people are abused not that they are abusing or attacking others. I think some people might be dangerous since they use their illness as excuses or they are just bad basically. People have their own personality whether they are sane or insane they will do according to their nature. Most of all, I don’t get no sympathy nor understandings, they just laugh or scorn.

I wish there should be somewhere where people with schizo get together and live. I have been to day care center and they are bad. I think they are some people that make excuse and get lazy. I saw one guy there and didn’t bother to join. I knew that he was very selfish guy who has symptoms but he only want to get attention for himself and anyone get near him to be with he will attack or lie to get rid of competition. All I need is a little bit and he won’t lose nothing. I hope that there is a place for truly offering people to understand and help each others.

Michael says: ‘And, if I am with them, I completely shut down and people don’t understand me at all.’

I am so sorry that life is so hard for you and that you have this terrible illness.

You know, though, I think one problem may be that when you have schizophrenia, people no longer focus on the human being and his normal human needs that everyone struggles with and shares. Like what you say above. Normal people act differently around different people as well, and family is often the hardest. I suspect people do not talk to you normally but they only see and bother with the symptoms of your illness and don’t even here what you say that is really worth listening to. Or, they may talk from you from ‘above’, or not even take you seriously?

Many years ago I was working/volunteering
at this place her where I live that sounds much like what you would wish for. It’s an apartment complex where people live who have mental illness and who need support and help and have access to therapy if they want but who are otherwise completely independent. Like, some go to the office in the mornings to get their meds and others just do their own.

I went on a walk with a group of people there and a young man your age and I started talking. He asked me if he could ask me a question and I said yes, of course. He was a little embarrassed and wanted to know if women also get attracted to men and have sexual feelings or if only men did?

I told him yes, of course girls and women do and we talked about this for a long time.

My point is that every girl and boy has these questions, right, and its something boys and boys and girls and girls chat about all the time, and that is how they learn. But person with mental illness who asks such a question in his early twenties because he was never welcomed around others, well, if he asks, or rather dares not ask, it may be assumed he is mentally ill because he does not know the obvious when nobody knows the obvious?

Anyway, Katrin (not edited)

Sorry Michael, my last comment has not been approved (yet)?

I find strange world. I try to be independent ending up with strange people. So, I had a chance to glimse their world. I think they are so called “beast” in bible terms. They don’t believe in love and they are like always always hungry for sex. I mean it’s not like just hungry, they go after literally everyone and they will bother men and women with their theory and try to collapse everything they see as real.

It’s very strange how they do. They go around, especially in NYC, thinking there has to be some unhappy people everywhere he goes, and they will assume everyone want to have so he could ask anyone in the street and try to detect that hormone raging and they will try to get one usually very weak ones or sick. It’s just strange when I am with them they have some kind of darkness inside and trying to come inside of my body to peek what I am feeling or thinking? But if I just act like natural with no inhibition or just natural they can’t bother. I used to lie about my age. I thought it was ok since I look very young but I think that kind of things are trap that makes me vulnerable in front of beasts. I was getting weaker and weaker but then I try to accept that I am 38 and live as it is and try to make the best out of it, I gain confident and things around me seems quiet down. It’s just strange that people around they definitely seem to find something going on and I might be something special that makes them block from coming and messing around. I think women are attracted by me and I just know it’s not my look, but it’s my energy around me. THey just come around without hesitation. And, men get jealousy which I recently found out that I had no idea until very recent. I don’t pay attention to people normally. However, they seem like they recognize me as enemy and if I reject to fight then women around me released and they leave happily. I bet you have been to NYC. I am telling you there are so much tension going on in the subway. I literally could tell they only into one thing conquer the world but not exactly the way they should but by getting women I think. I think it’s very wrong. If they want to be dominating then they should find a good job and become good manager but they won’t do. At work, only what they do is kiss each others’ a** and collaborating with each other and they sometimes create victims. And, some people collaborate with different sex then they have to make common enemy for they need to be united and look happily together.

I notice I was kind of same thing that I wanted protection from someone and I was criticizing a little bit but My tooth started to decay. I bet there are thousands of people same. My friend felt the same. Everytime she was mad at her customers at store, she is a clerk, she said she had tooth aches. I think I am fine though. I think I found the reason why I trapped in this. I think I try to be good, however, at the same times, I wanted get recognition of by being good. I think many women are the same.

I have women’s heart. THey act good but then it’s not just acting good but to get attention, and when a man approaches then they will reject the man as being bad and after that she flies. She act like just as diva who could do everything in front of everyone at any place but then she feel lonely and finds herself there is no one who cares truely. I think the same thing happened to me. I was being good maybe too good and my mind spirit because in a way I don’t like bad. But I was being good to look good and went too far. Maybe if any female trying to be good to look good, and have lost a man and feeling high and dry even if she shows herself good, there won’t be no truthfully loving men, then think again. Eve ate the fruit to know good and evil and when she gave it to her husband and told him to eat as if it’s good, she became a slave of her husband. She lost all the credit from her husband and she need to work for him longer than usual so that he could recognize her as something lovable. I am trapped with this beasty men blaming their wrong doing on me. Men has to create excuses so that they could continue having fun meaning cheating. Once I pretend good, they go all the way bad. I think I have to release myself. If I want to be bad then be bad but not pretend vice versa. I am mostly do whatever I want because heart is what we have given from God and I know God has forgiven and it’s once and for all unconditionally, so I do what I think inside what it’s right and if I do it’s like the people who doesn’t believe goes down and I go up. I know even if there is templetation to look good just you see on TV, if you pretend just to get that things, then you will not be happy. Many people are trapped in their own success. I think we should follow what we really want to do and be then the ones who making excuses for you are pretending good to get something or showing off of good to get attention will not work anymore and you will end up doing what you want and they will not because they can no long make any excuses for they are in such fear of doing things without knowing but they just do it for they are desiring.

Pretending good to get attention is kind of devil thing. He is voice of God, and he try to make it more beautiful maybe by singing, and he feel. He try to get recognition or attention only by sound of it’s good, but it didn’t work. After that no angel or God trusted him and kicked out of heaven. We all go through that but some people won’t get out because they can’t listen to word of God. If you are lucky enough to believe then you are fine. Just have to believe and follow what your (good) hearts tell you to.

There are oceans that are deep. And, little mermaids sometimes comes and sing a song on the rocks by the shore. And, some people comes and try to capture them because if they make them cry by torturing them, they get their wishes come true. However, there are bad mermaids. They appeared to some people who just came not knowing there is someone there and they will capture the person and drag them into the water where they will kill that person by drowning. They seduce you to get into the water and play with you and leave you in the middle of water or drown you.

I am like mermaid. I found out that if I wish really really, it comes true. And, my roommate captured me and torturing and every time I bleed inside, he feel release. He literally stab in my heart. I feel it.

And, I see other bad mermaid sing a song as if they are granting a wishes and a person like you come near then they will drag you into the ocean. You shouldn’t come near the ocean if that’s where you belong. You should stay out of water. It’s dangerous in here. All the things in the ocean are crawling and swimming around and the things on the land were originated from here so it’s like the treasure of knowledge here.

However, it’s better just to stay on land, and commit to the people around. Obey to the men and be happy inside the law. I think maybe in the future if I see true love I will go out there. I will visit the witches of the ocean and I will get my legs but mute. It’s the only way to meet someone for me that I know of. If I mute people accept me. However, if that day comes I will turn into bubbles when my sisters come and rescue me with a knife that I have to kill him otherwise I will lose my life. But, who knows? Life is nothing. Love is only God.

I have granted their wishes but haven’t gotten nothing for myself. If I keep quiet, people comes around otherwise, they ran. And, it’s like inbetween situation where I can’t speak myself but I would die if I do and if I do it hurts people so much.

It’s my battle I meet devil himself all the time no matter where I go what I do, he is there, and this time I can’t avoid anymore I have to be with him face to face.

I am really sorry, michael, that your life is so painful and horrible much of the time. It sounds awful what you are describing. Katrin

I am so crazy. I can’t go out further than 3 feet from myself. I decided to bring people inside of me instead of going out. I think that’s fair. Would you like to share your story? Were you the patient there in that place where mental illness people gather and live together?

Katrin, I feel like I know you somehow. I feel like you are very lonely even though you know a lot of men and say hi, doesn’t mean anything. I think some reason you are the one who blocking your way. I think you are scared. Your daddy didn’t give you much attention and always indifference. Reading news paper and do nothing for you. Maybe if you just stop pretending good to them, then they will be curious about you. And, when they talk to you about what’s going on, don’t jump into the man. Take time to accept him with heart. I feel you want too much but then giving just about everything hurts. I think you need to ask them what you want instead of getting by giving. When they talk to you don’t respond quickly and ask what they want first and ask what you want.

And, when you get married, don’t try to do anything but give your husband 100% lead. That way you will grow up inside. Learn how to follow instead of planing everything ahead of husband. He sees further than any women could see. You will be just a decorating for his way.

strange things happen around me. I was so mad just before the thing happen in virgina tech shooting and someone I know got murdered, and something and something.. It’s very strange. And, I felt it all coming. I might be crazy but things going on around me tells me that it’s something real. I have evidence.

Maybe I am wrong who cares? whatever..

If you wish I can make you look 20. I don’t care if you are 76 yrs. I can look 20 at your age. I already look underage. People suspect me.

aging theory is a long story, that’s both fact and fiction and many people get old just because they believe that they have to get old.

People think I am a girl sometimes. They ask me if I am and I don’t know it’s so strange.

michael, I am up because I just got a phone call from my sister who lives in Austria and she forgot it’s 3 am here on the west coast.
I listened to all you said and I just wanted to say that this article is getting old and it feels a little strange for us to keep on talking privately still beneath this article. Don’t you think?

So maybe we should stop and then we can meet again on another article link, or so?

By the way, I am not married and do not plan on ever getting married. I have two boys, though, and the dad is a great father and friend. (but marriage would not have worked)

I am glad I met you, michael, and Michael was also my longest and best friend’s name but he died. (that has nothing to do with you, though, and was only about him, the other Michael)

Take care until soon, maybe? Katrin

awww I think I see the sign.. I will might die this year or the next when I turn 39 at nov. I hope that’s not foreshadowing. Well, I tried my best. Even if I die, who cares. Good luck with you. Thanks.