Washington Post had a fantastic article on how friendships change when one member enters into a long-term romantic relationship. Many people have experienced this strain when a long time friend starts spending less time on the friendship and much more with his/her new partner. This can create tension, anger, and jealousy, and provides a significant challenge to the friendship. Ideally, the friendship can survive and adapt to the new changes, but occasionally they dissolve.

I often help people (particularly those on the losing end) understand these shifts through resource theory. Essentially, Friend A has 100% of relationship resources invested into friends, family, and other acquaintances before the new partner arrives. Let’s say 20% of those resources were with a friendship to Friend B. However, once the new partner arrives, he/she may consume as much as 50% of the individual’s total relationship resources, which must be taken away from various other relationships, maybe knocking the friendship down to 10%. The key question to process is whether Friend B wants to remain friends with this adjustment, or whether the relationship is not satisfying enough at that level to continue.

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    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 7 Aug 2006
    Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.