Since relationships are the fundamental building blocks to our lives, there is often a lot of stress associated with meeting new people and maintaining harmony in our already established bonds. Recently, AP ran a story detailing the increasing business for “dating coaches”, who are individuals that aid single folks in their dating skills and help them find potential mates. It importantly notes that the American Psychological Association makes a clear distinction between dating coaches and psychologists (and other folks who are licensed to deliver psychotherapy), and does a decent job covering the gray area that coaches occupy in terms of mental health. My view is that people who have minor etiquette difficulties related to dating and relationships can probably benefit from a fresh perspective, whether that be a coach, a book, a counselor, or a friend. However, for people that have more deep rooted relationship problems or social skills difficulties, a licensed professional would probably be a better choice. Finally, in my work, I’ve found that the keys for finding success in dating are to maintaining an optimistic view of the situation, improving who you are as a partner, and improving skills in meeting potential mates. The challenge is discovering what those mean for each individual.
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7 Responses to “Single and Not Fabulous” (Pingbacks/trackbacks not shown below)
Alison at 4:23 pm on
July 18th, 2006
Why do you assume that people should be in a relationship, and its not okay to be single?
Anonymous at 11:46 pm on
July 18th, 2006
I wouldn’t assume that a licensed professional would do any better than a coach, a book, or a friend. Recall the study done by Hans Strupp at Vanderbilt University. Male college students who were seeking therapy were treated either by seasoned professionals (psychologists and psychiatrists) or by college professors who had no previous training in psychotherapy. There were no differences in outcomes between the two groups. (Strupp HH, Hadley SW. “Specific vs nonspecific factors in psychotherapy. A controlled study of outcome.” Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1979 Sep;36(10):1125-36.)
Alison, that was not an assumption I was trying to make in that piece. I assume you got that idea from the title, I was simply trying to have a new spin on “Single and Fabulous” since it was about people who are struggling to find mates.
Anon, Some people were certainly argue that although I don’t believe there have been many credible studies on that topic. One explanation would be that the individual “therapist’s” ability to connect with his/her client may be the true key in being helpful. interesting study regardless.
Anonymous at 12:02 am on
August 4th, 2006
As someone who consulted a dating coach and now regrets that decision, I think people need to be very careful in sharing personal informatoin with “coaches” who are not licensed professionals and who are not bound by confidentiality laws. I foolishly shared some highly personal, apinful information about my past with a coach. I wound up in a disagreement with that individual, which turned into a billing dispute. I chose to end my business relationship with this person and declined to go out on a date with another one of her clients. She then disclosed the highly personal information I had shared with her to him, and embellished that information with inaccurate speculation about my current mental state.
Ronnie Ann Ryan at 3:24 pm on
September 25th, 2007
Interesting reading. While I’m sure some professional is always worthwhile, I’m not sure how many psychotherapists are totally up on the singles scene and what dating is like today. Self-esteem and classical therapy issues - of course. If the therepist is dating that helps too.
But honestly, as a dating coach I’ve had many therapists as CLIENTS! They didn’t know squat about dating. I work with clients to set up strategies for finding love, get clear about who they want to be with and open up to love.
Dating today has become really complicated for many reasons - but one of the main differences is that many are dating as adults with baggage versus 22 year olds who are far more accepting and open. A professionally trained coach is a valuable find and a savvy way to accelerate the process!
-Ronnie Ann Ryan, The Dating Coach
www.NeverTooLate.biz
Scot McKay at 8:22 pm on
November 6th, 2007
Without getting into a subjective debate, I am responding to this post to echo that Ronnie’s experience has been mine also as a professional dating coach.
I have not only coached those in the mental health profession, I’ve also provided successful service to men and women who originally had sought a solution through psychotherapy.
It is perhaps relevant that I also offer a 100% money-back guarantee on my services and have never issued a refund.
Archer Parish at 3:15 pm on
January 3rd, 2008
There are going to be idiots in the “Dating Coach” profession just as there are idiot “licensed professionals.” A title, degree, book or certification does not guarantee that person knows what they are talking about.
As with every other aspect of life you have to check references (where practical and or possible,)and do “due diligence” before spending a buck or divulging personal information to anyone.
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Why do you assume that people should be in a relationship, and its not okay to be single?
I wouldn’t assume that a licensed professional would do any better than a coach, a book, or a friend. Recall the study done by Hans Strupp at Vanderbilt University. Male college students who were seeking therapy were treated either by seasoned professionals (psychologists and psychiatrists) or by college professors who had no previous training in psychotherapy. There were no differences in outcomes between the two groups. (Strupp HH, Hadley SW. “Specific vs nonspecific factors in psychotherapy. A controlled study of outcome.” Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1979 Sep;36(10):1125-36.)
Alison, that was not an assumption I was trying to make in that piece. I assume you got that idea from the title, I was simply trying to have a new spin on “Single and Fabulous” since it was about people who are struggling to find mates.
Anon, Some people were certainly argue that although I don’t believe there have been many credible studies on that topic. One explanation would be that the individual “therapist’s” ability to connect with his/her client may be the true key in being helpful. interesting study regardless.
As someone who consulted a dating coach and now regrets that decision, I think people need to be very careful in sharing personal informatoin with “coaches” who are not licensed professionals and who are not bound by confidentiality laws. I foolishly shared some highly personal, apinful information about my past with a coach. I wound up in a disagreement with that individual, which turned into a billing dispute. I chose to end my business relationship with this person and declined to go out on a date with another one of her clients. She then disclosed the highly personal information I had shared with her to him, and embellished that information with inaccurate speculation about my current mental state.
Interesting reading. While I’m sure some professional is always worthwhile, I’m not sure how many psychotherapists are totally up on the singles scene and what dating is like today. Self-esteem and classical therapy issues - of course. If the therepist is dating that helps too.
But honestly, as a dating coach I’ve had many therapists as CLIENTS! They didn’t know squat about dating. I work with clients to set up strategies for finding love, get clear about who they want to be with and open up to love.
Dating today has become really complicated for many reasons - but one of the main differences is that many are dating as adults with baggage versus 22 year olds who are far more accepting and open. A professionally trained coach is a valuable find and a savvy way to accelerate the process!
-Ronnie Ann Ryan, The Dating Coach
www.NeverTooLate.biz
Without getting into a subjective debate, I am responding to this post to echo that Ronnie’s experience has been mine also as a professional dating coach.
I have not only coached those in the mental health profession, I’ve also provided successful service to men and women who originally had sought a solution through psychotherapy.
It is perhaps relevant that I also offer a 100% money-back guarantee on my services and have never issued a refund.
There are going to be idiots in the “Dating Coach” profession just as there are idiot “licensed professionals.” A title, degree, book or certification does not guarantee that person knows what they are talking about.
As with every other aspect of life you have to check references (where practical and or possible,)and do “due diligence” before spending a buck or divulging personal information to anyone.
