General

How to Know if Summer Love Can Last

Summertime means barbecues, lazy pool days, vacations, and sometimes summer love. The summer season can bring less stress, relaxed vibes, carefree attitudes and an opportunity to escape from our typical routines. That breezy attitude helps us let our guard down. And that makes it easier to meet someone who could become a more serious love interest.

Many of those summer loves will end as the season does. But perhaps you think you have made a real love connection with a summer love and want to continue being together into the fall. How will you know if your summer fling could last another season?
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General

Breaking Old Habits: Five Steps to Conquer the Dwindle Effect

You made a commitment to walk every evening after work, but you can't remember the last time you did. Work is so stressful, you've decided it's a bad time to quit smoking. Or your New Year's resolution not to drink during the week has been long forgotten. No matter how strong your intentions were in the beginning, life's invariable challenges flare up and make it oh-so-easy to slip back into your old habit. Welcome to the Dwindle Effect.

So what happened? You were on a roll for a while with the yoga classes! Well, emotions came up (about you, your weight, your relationship, whatever) and you didn't handle the sadness, anger, or fear physically and constructively. Instead, you went into survival mode and reverted back to the familiar but counterproductive habit that you swore you were going to change.
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Brain and Behavior

Upgrading Your Mind

How many articles have you read that start out with something like this?

Manage Your Weight: 10 Easy Tips
Five Simple Ways to Manage Your Money
Time Management Tips for Getting it all Done
How to Manage the Stress in Your Life


All these (fictitious, yet typical) articles suggest ways to manage some aspect of your life. Not bad, if you can do it. However, most people can’t. And here’s why.

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Bullying

5 Things to Do if Your Job Makes You Cry

Frequent tearfulness, anxiety, fearfulness, insomnia and changes in appetite are often first symptoms of workplace stress. My clients who report these symptoms are also somewhat baffled by what could be the cause. They tell me, “I love my job and I’m good at it, so why does it suddenly upset me so much?"

Joan works as a nurse in a local hospital. She came to see me complaining that her panic attacks were getting worse and she was crying most days, unable to cope with a workload that, just a few months previously, had been no problem for her.

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Best of Our Blogs

Best of Our Blogs: August 26, 2016

"My guiding assumption was  'Something is fundamentally wrong with me,' and I struggled to control and fix what felt like a basically flawed self. I drove myself in academics, was a fervent political activist and devoted myself to a very full social life. I avoided pain (and created more) with an addition to food and a preoccupation with achievement. My pursuit of pleasure was sometimes wholesome-in nature, with friends-but also included an impulsive kind of thrill-seeking through recreational drugs, sex, and other adventures. In the eyes of the world, I was highly functional. Internally, I was anxious, driven, and often depressed. I didn't feel at peace with any part of my life." - Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha
When someone says something cruel, the pain of receiving that messages is equal to how true we think it is. If we know the statement is completely false, it's easier to let it go without taking it personally. However, if someone hits upon something we're vulnerable about, it feels like a throbbing wound.

For many of us who had troubled childhoods, we grow into adults who believe something's missing. Our external lives mirrors that. This is why criticism gets to us. It's why we sabotage our success or feel insanely jealous when someone achieves more than us. At the heart of it, we feel less than, not good enough, and unworthy.

If you've discovered your empty well, fill it with self-love, acceptance and kindness. You don't need to do something amazing to deserve love and happiness. You simply need to tune in to the wonderful person that's always been there. Our top posts this week will help remind you whether anxious, worn down and manipulated, you are perfectly imperfect as you are.
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Anxiety and Panic

My Life with Anxiety

Since I was younger, I knew that I thought in a different way than most children. As I grew older, I became consumed with death and its aftermath. I couldn’t understand why my biggest worry wasn’t which dress I would wear to prom. I felt like a fish out of water, and no one would understand.

After seeking help, I grew to realize that living with anxiety is not so abnormal. Some people have low cholesterol, some are allergic to peanuts, and some, like me, have an anxious mind. Honestly, I would pick anxiety over a peanut allergy any day.

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Family

Attitudinal Healing

Your attitudes support or detract from your experience when moving through life. Whether your attitude is expectant, positive, negative, neutral, simple, or complex, it drives you and shows up in your behavior. The best way to assess your position in life, your relationships, and your focus on life’s gifts or hindrances is to get to the root of your belief system, which in turn creates your attitudes.

Chances are that you learned your life attitudes from those who raised you, your parents and caregivers. Other influential people who made a strong impact on your mind and experience also factor in.
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General

Dating and Money: Must a Feminist Pay?

Who pays on dates? It used to be simple. The guy did the asking and the paying. Today it’s less clear, as we can see from this range of views:


Tom, 26, says he paid for the first five or six dates with his girlfriend of three years, who’s 29. “She felt bad about me always paying, so sometimes she does. “But I usually pay,” he adds, “and the guy is always expected to pay for the first date. I pay more because it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. If you’re a guy, it feels good to take a woman out to dinner.”
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