I am concerned because for the past few months, I feel as if I just don’t sleep what I should. I know that this is a general problem within society, but I feel something is genuinely wrong. Each night I go to bed, either early or late because I am with friends or working on school work or working and on those nights I roughly get about 3 to 4 hours of sleep, which of course is on my own doing, and then during the next day I may take a 2 to 3 hour nap and then the next night I will have trouble sleeping, which I believe is put on by the naps during the day, but I don’t always take naps. And even when I don’t hang out with friends or school and what not, and I go to bed at a decent time, I find myself consistently waking up in the middle of the night and staying up researching colleges because I have not been happy with my overall choice in schooling.

I have tried taking a small dose of melatonin vitamins, which I have still woken up in the middle of the night and have tried larger doses and sleep aides (not together, but at separate times) and I still wake up in the middle of the night doing the same things. I guess I am just genuinely concerned with my well being because each day I wake up after a few hours, exhausted whether it be my own doing or my mind constantly racing about the future and what it holds. Most of my nights are spent this way, but I do get lucky and have a few 6 to 8 hour nights of sleep. Even when I try to relax, I still mostly feel restless and like I have so much to do and I blame myself for everything if something isn’t done or it isn’t done right. Should I be concerned or is this just a long ordeal of stress?

A: Yes, you should be concerned. Sleep deprivation can lead to illness and bad decisions. At 19, you need 6 to 8 hours of restorative sleep every night to be at your best. But from what you told me, it makes sense that sleep aids aren’t helping. Your sleeplessness seems to be a symptom of a larger problem. You are focusing on the sleep. I’m thinking you should be focusing on what it is that is making you so anxious about your future, your schooling, and your choices. You aren’t able to shut down your worries at night so of course you can’t sleep.

I suggest you get at the root cause of your sleep problems directly. Most colleges have a career center. Please make an appointment to talk to a counselor there about your school and career choices. If there isn’t a career center, consider whether there is another resource on campus such as a counseling center or pastoral counselor. Many teachers are also happy to talk to an interested student. You might also find this article helpful.

Meanwhile, there are some things you can do about sleep. Get regular in your sleep habits. Go to bed at the same time every night. Do not let yourself take naps. Eliminate caffeine. Read and study somewhere other than in your bed. You want bed to be associated with sleep. If you can’t sleep, don’t toss and turn. It only makes a person more anxious. Instead, get up and write down your thoughts and feelings. Then go back to bed.

I think a combination of dealing with your worries directly and taking charge of your sleep hours will help.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We had a break for four months and got back together in October. So everything was going fine and we were working things out and talking. Well then it started going downhill and I don\’t know what to do. I\’m very lost. We recently fought because my father is getting promoted and we had originally planned to go to his high school\’s prom. Well it was all very expensive and we decided not to go. My father was going to let me go to prom instead of his promotion, since we aren\’t going anymore, I was going to go to my dad\’s promotion. My boyfriend got upset and it was a miscommunication between us when everything was happening. I had called my boyfriend to express to him that I felt hurt and angry that he wouldn\’t want to be flexible and understand that my father\’s promotion takes precedence. My boyfriend is not abusive, but he does have some signs of being controlling. I love him very dearly and I don’t want to lose him. What are some ways we can effectively stop arguing so much?

A. Your boyfriend may or may not be showing signs of being controlling. It is important to see the relationship for what it is and not how you wish it would be. If your boyfriend is controlling, then you should not ignore his behavior. Someone who is controlling is engaging in a form of abuse. Abuse in relationships is the attempt, through words or behavior, to maintain power and control. Psychological or emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Abuse in any form is unacceptable.

With regard to arguing, you can only control your behavior. Even if you behaved perfectly and did everything correctly, it still may not improve the relationship dynamic. You can and should do your part to improve the relationship but your boyfriend also has to do his. Relationships require equal work from both participants.

I would recommend consulting a couples counselor or an individual therapist. A couples counselor can determine what the problems are in the relationship and create a plan to improve it. If your boyfriend is unwilling to see a couples counselor, then you should attend individual therapy. The therapist could assess whether you are in an abusive relationship. He or she can also examine how you may be contributing to the arguments and assist you in modifying your behavior to improve the relationship.

It’s unclear whether this relationship could or should be saved. Frequent arguing is a sign that something is wrong. Every argument degrades the relationship. Seeking outside consultation from a therapist could help this relationship immensely. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

im 13 and I’m always scared when i have to present. My hands get all shakey and sweaty and my heart races and i feel like passing out and crying. I tried to kill myself just to get out of presentating. I have to presentate in science class and im scared to death. I wanna miss school but my moms making me go. Whenever i have to go up infront of the class i feel like crying and running out of the room. I hate the way i feel. Taking breath doesnt help and i cant think positive when im scared. There’s always a negative holding me back and thats everything. Im scared of what people will think. I tried killing myself just to get out of this presentation but i stopped before i harmed myself. I feel as if im the only one that goes through it because everyone is brave and talks so confident. I cant take it anymore.

A: I don’t know why some teachers forget that not all children are comfortable being on center stage. Not every kid is able to his or her best work when confronted with 20 or 30 pairs of eyes on them. You are definitely not alone in your feelings.

What you are talking about is stage fright. It’s a real thing. Even great actors often have some version of it. You can learn to handle it but throwing you into the situation you most fear isn’t the best way to teach you. It certainly isn’t worth hurting yourself to get out of it. That only substitutes one hurt for another.

That’s not to say it isn’t useful to know how to talk in front of others. Part of being successful in jobs and in life often means putting your point of view out there. You can learn how to do it. You just need some lessons.

I suggest you show this letter and my response to your mom. My suggestion is that the two of you talk to your teacher together about how scared presenting makes you. Ask if there is another way for you to complete the assignment. Perhaps you could be teamed up with someone who is more self-confident in front of the class. That person can do the talking. You could hold up posters, demonstrate the experiment, or do something else to be helpful.

But meanwhile, you do need some help with the anxiety. Perhaps a few sessions with a drama teacher or coach could help you learn some techniques for managing your fears. Once your teacher understands, she or he may also be willing to provide some practical tips and some support. You don’t want to let fear get in the way of succeeding at things you want to do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, manic depression, OCD, and generalized anxiety disorder. Before I continue I must tell you first that I DID consume psychoactive elements such as psilocybin mushrooms and a MDMA for a year and a half, i took MDMA regularly, and magic mushrooms 2 times.

A year or so passed by and I start seeing disturbing images about my little brother and thoughts. I don’t know weather it’s guilt or some other thing. Because I feel like i did not devote time for him or attention did not spend time with him as a normal brother would. This makes me feel so guilty that I want to commit suicide. I love him so much, because he is my only brother and he is 10, i am 24. I love him to the point where I start getting this images in my head as if someone wants to kill him or hurt him, these images are so vivid i mean how is it even possible? I feel that he lives in a cruel world, i feel like the world is too dangerous for him. I want to guard him with my life but i’m afraid that I won’t be there. I feel like he is far from me although he is the reason why I live. After seeing news or reading news online I come across horrifying stories where kids disappear or get killed, or slaughtered and when I see my brother I start picturing that its happening to him and I want to just kill myself, just stab myself when i see this nightmarish images with my brother, i avoid seeing him because i am afraid that I will start picturing it. Sometimes its so disturbing that I just give, whatever will happen happen.

Please help. Any advice will help. I love my brother,

A. If I were interviewing you in person I would inquire about whether your mental health symptoms are under control. My sense of the situation is that they may not be.

The disturbing images may be a symptom of one of the disorders that you were diagnosed with, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It is not uncommon for individuals with OCD to experience disturbing images about someone they are worried about. These images tend to be intrusive and difficult to control. A common type of intrusive thought associated with OCD is feeling unrealistically responsible for the well-being of another. This seems to be similar to what you are experiencing.

I would recommend consulting a mental health professional about your symptoms. You may never learn their origin but that is not the goal. What is important is their removal.

You did not say whether you are taking medication. If so, your symptoms may be a sign that a medication change is required. Modifying your treatment plan may be necessary.

When these images occur do your best to focus on something different or positive. Some ideas include watching TV, playing a video game, calling a friend, listening to music, and so forth. The idea is to distract yourself so you can’t focus on the disturbing images.

Your symptoms may be indicative of an untreated mental health disorder. I hope that you are able to get the help that you desire. What’s most concerning about this situation is that you mentioned suicide. If you feel that you may harm yourself, then it is imperative that you seek help immediately or call 911. Please write again if you have additional questions.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and for a good portion of that time we were long distance. 4 months ago we moved in together. recently he and i have begun to discuss introducing me to his 2 boys (3 & 7). we both figured that it was a good time, we have been together for a while and we are very much in love and want much more together, i have met his family and his ex-wife.we have finished getting settled and going through the growing pains of moving states and moving in together. now seems to be a good time to begin integrating me into their lives.

although everything seems to be lining up well, there is one major speed bump. im 23 and he is 30, ive never had kids and he has, i have never thought i would want kids of my own but he told me that he knows for sure that he doesnt want anymore. my concern is that im still young and my thought that i may not want kids of my own could change as i get older (or so im told) and i dont want to be the woman that comes and goes in the kids life if i decide later that i want kids and he doesnt…. should i put everything off until i know for sure or should i take a chance and hope it all works out? any advice would be more than welcome!

A: You are asking good and important questions. Those questions are so good I am surprised you actually moved across states to move in with your guy before you answered them. His children are a fact in his life. Being with him means you have children – two of them. They are going to be a central part of your life and his for at least 20 years. If you move any further into this relationship, you’re a mother. It looks to me like you didn’t factor that into your decision-making.

I think you should take your own good sense seriously. Asking the question about meeting the children is a way you are asking the question about whether you want to enter your boyfriend’s life. At 30, he is at a different life stage than you are. Some women (and men) like the opportunity to fold themselves into a lifestyle that is already pretty established. But others like to be with age-mates and discover how life unfolds together. It looks to me like you are having your doubts.

You owe it to yourself, your boyfriend, and the children to take a step back to think about all these things before you complicate matters further by being introduced to the children. Young children love easily. It’s not fair to them to get into their lives if you’re uncertain. They’ve already had to manage the breakup of their mom and dad.

The fact that you are thinking hard about the implications of meeting the kids tells me that you are a thoughtful and sensitive person. I suspect that you got so swept up in love that you lost sight of some of your central values. You’re now at one of those moments where a decision will take you down one path or another. That deserves some time and consideration.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I am 14 years old & I got molested when I was younger by 2 cousins of mine. I have thoughts in my head that i try to not think about and I keep having flashbacks on the incident. I get angry alot & have really bad mood swings. Is this an effect of the molest or do I have a problem?

A. You seem to be experiencing flashbacks. A flashback essentially is a re-experiencing of a traumatic event. Being molested is obviously a very traumatic event. During a flashback, an individual may literally feel as though the traumatic experience is happening. Flashbacks are associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Flashbacks can be very disruptive. My recommendation is counseling. In counseling, you can learn to identify what triggers your flashbacks. Recent research shows that knowing what triggers flashbacks is an important step in preventing them. Therapy could also assist you in stabilizing your mood.

I would strongly encourage you to talk to your parents. Counseling has helped many thousands of people with exactly the same problems that you are experiencing. Counseling is the easiest, quickest way for you to gain permanent relief. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I’m not sure what is wrong with me, and I’m too scared to ask my therapist. I need a bit of help. No matter how hard I’ve looked, I can’t find anyone who has the same sort of issues as me. Last year I sort of split my personality into two parts, one for the ‘good’ me, and one for the ‘bad’ me. I feel like the ‘bad’ me is a completely separate person from myself. The ‘good’ me has depression, anxiety, and self harm issues. The ‘bad’ me, has issues with stealing, setting fires, pedophilia, sadism, homicidal ideation and pathological lying. The ‘bad’ me (I’ve self diagnosed) has Schizoid and Antisocial personality disorders. Sometimes I can’t tell who is the ‘good’ me and the ‘bad’ me, I get so confused.

After reading about the Columbine massacre, I have been completely obsessed with mass murders, and all I think about is killing people. Strangers on the bus, the kids at school, my own family. And while I am the ‘bad’ me, everything I am thinking seems perfectly rational and normal to me. It’s only after, when I am the ‘good’ me again that I realize how messed up that all is. I dropped out of school because I had adrenaline rushes all the time from thinking about shooting up the place. I stopped hanging out with friends. I’ve done barely anything since the summer of last year, all I do is sit around at home worrying about losing it.

Nothing feels real anymore, and everything I say feels like I’m talking about someone else. Sometimes I go back to the ‘good’ me and find that I’ve been planning a murder, and wonder how I could have thought that was alright. My ‘bad’ self even planned a school shooting, and the only reason my ‘bad’ self didn’t do it was because I don’t have access to a gun. I’m scared and I want to know what is wrong with me! Help!

A: I am very, very glad you contacted us. You wrote a very clear letter that explains your feelings well. You have far too much going on inside for a 15-year-old to deal with alone.

Many, many people write letters to us here at PsychCentral as a kind of rehearsal for what they wish they could say to their therapist or someone else. It’s a good use of this website. Sometimes writing can help a person organize their thoughts and pour out the feelings that are so difficult to express to someone in person.

Having done the rehearsal, it’s time to do the real thing. Please — take your letter to your therapist and share it. I assure you, most experienced therapists have seen some version of what you are describing and can handle it. If your therapist is young and inexperienced, she or he will get a consultation or will refer you to someone who can offer help. But neither scenario can happen if you don’t share your thoughts and feelings. We therapists only have what our clients tell us (and our observations in session) to go on. We can’t do our job without your help. It’s like one hand trying to clap.

You made an important start toward your own healing by writing your letter. Now please take the next step and show it to the therapist who wants to help you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Well, my parents are pretty decent folks. They love me and deep down I know they do but sometimes in certain moments I don’t feel like they do. I sometimes wonder if it’s because I’m a teenager or if I really do have some psych issue. Even when the evidence that my family does love me should outweigh the the feeling that they dont, it isn’t enough.

They don’t constantly put me down but when they do, and it isn’t often, I feel like no one loves, and that their world would just keep turning if I died on the spot. So every time they critize me, I go into this dark place where I want to cut myself and die. Luckily I have a low threshold for pain so my cuts are never too deep.

I feel like I shouldn’t just want to die every time someone tells something bad. And actually it’s only when members of my family do it. Friends, I don’t care. Family does it and I cut and hope that I bleed to death. I don’t want to feel like my world is gonna come crashing down everytime I get a put-down, but no matter how often I tell myself I’m not going to cry or cut or wish death upon myself, I have to do all three. I can’t seem to control feeling like I’m in a bottomless pit everytime My pride gets a little bruised. Please help.

A. You cut yourself when your family criticizes you. You may feel as though they are criticizing you as a person, rather than just your behavior. In your view, when your family criticizes you, they are in essence saying that you’re a bad person or that they don’t love you. That, in all likelihood, is not the message your family is attempting to convey.

I would encourage you to speak to your family about how you feel. My sense of the situation is that you are misinterpreting what they are saying. Discussing the matter can help to clarify the situation. I understand that it may be difficult to discuss such sensitive matters but it still needs to be done. It is healthy to discuss your feelings, especially those that are causing you significant distress.

Cutting is always a sign that someone is suffering and that help is required. When speaking with your family, you should also inquire about the possibility of seeing a therapist. A therapist could greatly assist you in learning more effective problem solving skills. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I just found out my mom has been cheating on my father. I am not totally surprised because she has been acting sneaky the past year or so, but I am devastated. I love my dad, he is so good to my mother and he doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. I think she’s going through her midlife crisis. I hate the person she’s becoming, I don’t even know her anymore. I have no respect for cheaters and I want my mom to be someone I respect and look up to.

I don’t have anyone to talk to, I stopped hanging out with all my friends when I became pregnant because I wanted to quit doing drugs and I didn’t want the temptations, my social anxiety makes it hard for me to make new friends without using drugs. I can’t talk to my boyfriend because we don’t have a good relationship and we don’t communicate. I need some advice on how to handle the situation with my mother. She doesn’t know that I know, I don’t know whether to talk to her about it or not.

A: The fairest thing to do is to tell your mother what you think you know and how it makes you feel. There’s no point in yelling at her or getting into an argument with her about it. She has to deal with her relationship with your dad. How she does it will probably affect your relationship with her. That remains to be seen.

I’m concerned that thinking about your parents’ issues is a great distraction from thinking about your own. You’re only 20 and have a baby. You have social anxiety and a “boyfriend” you can’t communicate with. Your focus needs to be on growing up yourself and making a solid family for your child. Please get yourself into therapy to deal with all of this. If you’re having trouble staying in recovery, find a support group. Get some couples therapy for you and the boyfriend to see if you can be a family. And if you don’t have a job or schooling, look into local services that will help you get started.

You and your baby deserve to have a decent life. Leave your parents’ relationship to them – at least for now. You have plenty to deal with in your own life.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I have some behavior issues that are starting to really affect my life. I’m having problems at school, work, home, and socially. I really need some help and I’m sorry for such a long and chaotic post. I’ll try and briefly go over my issues.

I feel like I cannot talk to anyone socially. I can’t connect with someone and don’t know how to talk to them. Most interactions are in awkward silence. I feel like I am so bad at it I just avoid all situations. Its even like this with my parents and my best friend sometimes. I find myself hiding in my room and avoiding everyone. I only have one friend and it feels like I am close to losing him. I also haven’t had a relationship in over five years.

My messiness and lack of motivation for everything is starting to become a problem. My parents are really close to kicking me out because of it. I feel the only reason they don’t is that they fear I will do the same thing by myself and get even worse. At least with me living under there house they can watch out for me. Basically, my room and car are always trashed and I’m bad about keeping myself up.

I also feel like I am addicted to everything. I can’t quit cigarettes and smoke way too much. I go on a lot of drug binges and my sleep pattern is super messed up. I drink four or five cups of coffee everyday.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel really hopeless and I’m going crazy with internalizing everything. I also feel really embarrassed and don’t know how to approach my parents for help.

A. It seems as though many of the issues you are struggling with are related to anxiety. Your anxiety is significantly degrading your life. If not treated, it may worsen. Avoidance is a strategy that many people use in an attempt to deal with anxiety, but it can backfire. It usually makes the anxiety symptoms worse, not better.

The problems that you are dealing with are correctable in therapy. I would suggest that you consider it. Please don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. Asking for help is a commendable act. It’s a sign that somebody is ready to make a life change for the better. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Hi There, I really need help with dealing with my brother. He has serious mental problems and I think they are down to a lack of self esteem. Our dad (who still lives with us) is very aggressive but has never hit us, he just smashes things (although my brother is adamant that my dad kicked him and threw my mum down the stairs but he didn’t). My brother has ended up fearing my dad but won’t admit that he is scared of him and insists he would kill him if he could get away with it. My brother is 26, living at home and even though he has a degree is unable to get a job. He started to go bald when he was 19/20 and now just has no self worth and feels the whole world is against him. He is very self destructive, he used to cut himself quite badly and also took drugs for a number of years. He often breaks down when talking about our chilldhood exclaiming that we suffered abuse, (I am completely fine and feel although our dad obviously had mental problems himself, that our childhood was a very privileged one). I worry that if he doesn’t get help soon he will do something silly as he just hates his life and feels he is a complete failure, I find it difficult to help him as I disagree with what he is blaming his problems on. Please help as it is ruining my whole family, my mum is forever trying to keep the peace and feels it is all her fault and my dad ends up kicking off because my mum and brother are unjustly hostile with him due to a build up of issues which my dad thinks are sorted! Thank you.

A. This is a very difficult situation. My concern is that your brother may act out violently toward members of your family. If he is actively using alcohol or drugs, then the risk of violence increases significantly. Do not hesitate to call the authorities if you feel that you or your family members are in danger.

You disagree with your brother’s understanding of his problems. He views his childhood as having been abusive. He may have a skewed view of that time. You described your childhood as having been “privileged.” Perhaps you are correct and he is wrong. On the other hand, he may have experienced abuse. It is not unusual, and it is in fact common, for parents to treat each child differently. Also, children can live in the same home and have completely different experiences.

Ideally, it would be best if your brother went to therapy. It seems as though he is dealing with many issues and his behavior is negatively affecting the family. If you have not suggested therapy, then you should.

If he is not agreeable to individual therapy, perhaps he would be open to family therapy. In family therapy, everyone works together to solve the problems. The onus is on the family to solve the problem rather than on just one member of the family.

If your brother is unwilling to change his behavior, then it is up to the people around him to change their behavior. That may not seem fair but you can only control your behavior, not the behavior of others. You and your family may have to develop a new set of rules for the home or the conditions in which you interact with him. A therapist could provide guidance regarding the best way to properly address your brother’s behavior. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I started seeing my boyfriend a year ago and he was really great. We had a really good first couple of months but I started having my own emotional issues after an event triggered a date rape 20 years ago, then I began remembering other incidents from my childhood, the most troubling was remembering being molested when I was 5. I was diagnosed with PTSD.

The worse my condition became the more unstable the relationship got. Even before that though he was always bragging about things from his past… how popular he was in school, how great he was at sports, really anything to look good or show off. There were times, and still are, where I will call or text him worried or upset and he will say “why can’t you just be happy?” He has never comforted me one time when I was melting down and there have been times also when I have wanted him to help defend me when I was having problems with my ex (abusive attacks, name calling, etc) but he wouldn’t do anything. If fact he showed no sympathy for me at all.

There are SO many other examples but last night I really decided that I’ve had enough. I was expressing some feelings toward the kind of men that objectify women and feel no remorse – the kind of men I have attracted for 30 years. I made a comment in which I told him that I believed if he misled a woman and she wanted to know why he rejected her he would be man enough and considerate enough to tell her. I was complimenting him and he heard the opposite. I always want to know why he stays with me if he’s so miserable which is something else he is always throwing in my face.

I recently found out my mother is terminally ill and I feel awful that for our entire relationship I have been this pathetic girl with all these problems and needed him so much. I would and one day will (unless he is a narcissist and in that case I’ll be done) give him my shoulder to cry on if he ever needs it. I feel like he’s just with me to prove something or maybe even fix me. I’m just so confused and while in some ways he’s been better than any other guy I’ve been with, I feel totally disconnected from him emotionally.

We have had no physical relationship for months. I just can’t if there’s no connection. I know you can’t officially diagnosis him or anything, but does he sound like a narcissist in your opinion? Thanks very much!

A: No, I can’t “diagnose” him. I can offer you a couple of thoughts. Since you are in your mid-30s, you’ve both lived a lot of life already. His response to his past may be that he wants to emphasize the positive and live in the moment. Meanwhile, you have embarked on a healing journey where you are dealing with painful events from your past. To him, you may be a bring-down. To you, he’s unsympathetic. The incompatibility is now showing up in your sex life.

There must be something sweet and attractive about each of you for both of you to have hung in this long. I suggest you try to talk about the differences in your approach to this stage of your lives and see if there’s a way to accomodate both sets of needs. If you can’t do it and want to stay together, I suggest couples therapy to help you hear each other and find ways to be mutually supportive.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I studied in UK, I went back to my country after finishing my studies, I am bisexual and I am sure most people in Pakistan are phobic of non-straight sexuality when I went back and spent some time I started to become Paranoid that my family hates me and will chemically castrate me through Estragon, and my brother will marry my fiancée and family will support him, my brother is 15 year old, and my father will kill me because I am bi. my father told me once with anger that my sexuality is unacceptable from then my paranoia of being murdered and poisoned with anti-Testosterone became severe, I could not eat anything at home without my brother tasting my food and could not sleep, because I felt like if I sleep someone would murder me I did not had any hallucinations, disorganised behaviour or other most so-called symptom of schizophrenia just lot of Paranoia, doctor in Pakistan diagnosed me with schizophrenia but I did not told him all these things I am telling you, I am now in UK and Paranoia is reduced a lot because I feel safe here because of strong legal system. am I really schizophrenic?

A. While living in Pakistan, you feared that your father would kill you. If the threat of death was real, then I would not consider you to be paranoid. Feeling fear and paranoia under such circumstances would be an understandable reaction.

Alternatively, if you were frightened of your father but were in no real danger, then your paranoia would be a sign that something is wrong. Paranoia is a symptom of schizophrenia and several other mental health disorders. The key to knowing whether you are mentally ill is determining if your thought process is based in reality.

An objective, trained, mental health professional diagnosed you with schizophrenia. I am assuming that the doctor did not believe that your fears were justified. That may mean that the schizophrenia diagnosis was accurate.

To be diagnosed with schizophrenia you would have to meet certain clinical criteria. It seems as though the only symptom you are currently experiencing is paranoia, which has significantly decreased since you moved to a new country. If paranoia is your only symptom, then you may not have schizophrenia. You do not have the two key symptoms of the disorder: delusions and hallucinations.

Without many more details, it is difficult to know if you have schizophrenia. I would recommend seeing a mental health professional for an evaluation. It would be advantageous to have an evaluation at this time, since your circumstances have changed. It’s always best to get a second opinion. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I really need a lot of help with my father. He’s 65. My mother and him have been divorced for over 5 years and he is severely depressed about it. I can tell and so can other people.

He’s been drinking alcohol a lot sometimes. He drank so much one time he almost died from it and almost died from it again a year after that. He talks about the divorce a lot, daily, and has every single day for over 5 years. I hate it. It has caused me so much stress that I’ve had breakdowns, too.

I don’t know if he knows he’s depressed or not but he knows there’s a problem. If he’s not drinking, he buries himself in work and talks about women all the time, because he’s extremely lonely since it’s just me and him. I hate it. I see him a lot so overworked from burying himself in his work that he’s almost incoherent. I’m afraid for him and hate to see him do something so stupid as to keep drinking. All he does is put emphasis on how he still loves my mother, how she did him wrong, and how people in general have done him wrong his whole life. He is a really good, genuine person, and so I believe him but he won’t get away from thinking about that stuff ALL THE TIME. Mostly about the divorce.

I’m afraid one day he’s just going to have another bout with alcohol and just die, because I see the pattern every year. Every time I mention it he gets very angry with me and says that I dont know what i’m talking about or that I just need to goto another room and leave him alone. It’s a lot of stress on me. So much that I dont think I can handle it anymore mentally. I’ve seen a side of my father that i’ve never seen before, mostly in the past 3 years and it confuses me from my experiences with him when I was younger, he used to be such a calm person.

I dont know what to think and I dont know what to do. I want to help him but I kind of give up. I dont know what to do anymore.

A: This has been going on since you were 16? No wonder you’re getting burned out. At 21, you shouldn’t have to be your father’s keeper. You should be launching yourself into your own adult life. Your father apparently has no idea how he is keeping both of you stuck.

I think you’re right that your dad is depressed. He’s self-medicating with overwork and alcohol. Neither remedy is effective. In fact, they only are making things worse.

I can only suggest a few things: First, instead of being angry with him or trying to reason with him, simply tell him how worried you are about him and how his depression is affecting you. Don’t do this in a blaming or shaming way. Just tell him you love him and are feeling unable to make life decisions because you don’t want to leave him when he’s feeling so low.

Then, encourage him to get into some therapy to deal with his feelings of grief and anger about the divorce. Tell him you will go with him for awhile because you need help finding ways to be supportive of him. I’m hoping that his concerns for you as a father may matter enough that he’ll do this for you even if he won’t do it for himself. Hopefully, your therapist will be able to engage him so that you can turn his treatment over to her or him.

Finally, I strongly urge you to find a local chapter of Al-Anon. This is an organization that is connected to Alcoholics Anonymous and that provides support for family and friends of alcoholics. The program can teach you skills to help both your father and yourself. Most important, the group can give you needed support.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half, I moved to Texas to be with him. Lately I’ve found myself needing attention all the time. Like in always looking for reassurance that he loves me. I’m thinking this stems from my father walking out when I was 5 and my mother kicking me out at 18. I don’t have a family and there’s always a void there. It’s wrong to lay all that on him, but I feel crazy I cant help ALWAYS needing affection and being told I’m loved. It’s become a problem for us because he’s expressed that he feels he will never be able to do enough for me. What do I do with myself?

A: You are probably right that being abandoned by your parents has left an emotional hole that is hard to fill. In addition, you’ve uprooted yourself and moved to a new place to be with your guy. You probably haven’t yet made other friends so you are more dependent on him. My guess is that scares you. Your experience of people who love you is that they leave. You may be scared that he will leave too so you cling. Ironically, clinging generally makes people want to go away — which is what you fear most.

What you do with yourself is find a therapist. It’s unfair and destructive to turn your love relationship into therapy for your neediness. Therapy will help you resolve your grief and anger about being left by your parents. It can also help you truly understand that it wasn’t because you were unlovable that they left.

I also encourage you to find your own group of friends so you can spread your needs for affirmation and contact around. Join an organization. There’s a political campaign happening right now. There’s a need for volunteers. If that’s not to your liking, volunteer to do some community service. Join a club where there are people who share your interests. Get a job and invite people you meet there and like to get together after work. Yes. I know that finding a way to belong in a new place is hard but it won’t get any easier if you stick to your boyfriend like a burr. And your boyfriend will rightfully feel concerned about you and annoyed that he can’t do enough.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie