I thought the best would be to list out my problems and then post it here asking for your help.

1. Jumbled thinking and difficulty expressing thoughts or ideas
2. Verbal communication is not clear. I get stuck thinking about words while speaking.
3. Take a long time deciding when presented with options
4. I always have zillions of thoughts racing through my mind. Its like never ending/stopping.
5. Tend to say the first thought that comes to my mind.
6. I daydream or seems to be in another world and miss a part of a conversation.
7. I am unable to organize anything assigned to me and have difficulty finishing my projects.
8. I feel very tired although I have had a good night sleep. Have problems maintaining my interest in anything.
9. I have difficulty expressing my feelings to others.

A: Hello and thanks for your question:

You know, it’s really tough to diagnose a person without meeting them. You listed a number of things that could be anxiety or other mood disorder which would certainly make paying attention difficult.  Drugs and alcohol can do the same thing.

Here’s what I suggest: find a professional in your area who can actually diagnose you. Don’t rely on the Internet for this. It’s too important. If you do have ADHD, or anxiety, or even something else, they can get you some help. You can find one here at our link: PsychCentral Therapy Directory 

You can also read more about these disorders through PsychCentral Symptoms and Treatment

Get a professional to help you. It will be worth it.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

I’m a student depending on my parents,i got year backed in my degree.after that my parents,friends everyone changed.I don’t get birthday cards on my birthdays,they call me i’m stupid,and wasting money.

I try my best in my studies.I’m a fat girl and my friends,parents pressure on me to lose my weight. Meanwhile i have to do my studies well,i have to do my projects too.i feel i’m under lot of pressure.i had a problem with a guy in my college,in which everyone used to laugh at me.

i know i’m not good looking ,i know i’m fat but i don’t want anyone tell me that.please help me.i have tried so many times to suicide myself,i don’t understand what should i do

A: Hello and thanks for your question:

You know, life can be awful at times, can’t it? It sounds like you could use some help, but I don’t know where you would find it in your country. If you could call a local office for mental heath care, they might be able to give you names of therapists who could help you work through these things.

Family can be very difficult, and it’s awfully hard to get away from the pain that they can cause. I’m wondering if you could learn some boundaries? That is, start saying “no” when you should, rather than get angry or hurt when they start picking on you?  I can tell you that suicide isn’t the answer. Sure it would work for something that’s bothering you right now, but what about the future? You would never know if you will find the right guy, get married or have kids. You would never know the good things that can happen when you finish your degree.

While you may not like the way that you look, there is someone out there who will love you for who you are, not just how you may appear on the outside. Find yourself a professional who can teach you how to take better care of yourself, where you can learn to use boundaries and develop better self esteem. Consider, too, a course of antidepressants. They really do work.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

I am 30 and feel so incredibly lonely that I no longer wish to be here. I have longstanding self-esteem issues and have suffered from bulimia since the age of 19. Last year I received counselling and antidepressant medication for depression due to being in an unhappy job (which I finally got the courage to leave), isolating myself and an accumulation of all the self-esteem and sad thoughts I’d been having for so long.

I was doing so well, started a new job in Nov last year and started to feel confident. At the end of Jan, I met a man who I truly believed was “the one” but since I had never had a proper boyfriend before I felt very insecure through the relationship for various reasons.

Despite this, I fell in love with him and thought he was feeling the same way until he ended things a month ago. Since then I have been very sad, crying a lot, and have lost my confidence in pretty much all areas of my life. I now feel so lonely. I really have no friends who I can easily ask to go out for a drink with during the week.

My sister who was a rock last year during my difficult time I think is fed up dealing with my problems and I can appreciate this. I am bingeing and vomiting uncontrollably. Because of work, it is impossible for me to see the therapist I saw last year, and I really can’t find the energy to start with a new therapist. I can’t stop thinking about my ex and feeling so rejected. Rationally, I know that it probably wasn’t working between us…but I keep feeling like I did something wrong. Now I feel so worthless and like my life has no meaningful worth. I really feel like I can’t deal with this emptiness or sadness any longer. 

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

My first question is this, are you still taking the antidepressant? If not, why not? It sounds like your depression is chronic and if that is true, you may need to take them for a number of years, not just a few months.

Second, whether or not you see a new therapist, you need to get some help. Suicide isn’t always the best solution. If you were to kill yourself, you may never know if the next guy may be “the one.” Just because he left you, doesn’t mean that he is the only one in the universe, does it?

Do you honestly believe that there is only one man for your in the billions of people on Earth? Really? If that were true, how would widows fall in love and remarry? How would divorced people finally find the perfect mate after a bad marriage?

Find a therapist who can help you. It really is worth going back for help. You need to get your bulimia under control before it destroys your body and you are truly messed up.  Get yourself on antidepressants and stay on them. Go out there and find that guy.  You don’t have to settle for anyone, even the guy who left.  Get back on your feet and fight for someone who will love you the way that you should be.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

The dream is always the same. Everytime I go to sleep it happens. In this dream, its an open field with a single blossoming tree in it, nothing else. The sky is a blank blue, not a cloud in sight. But in the horizen, the sky is red. The treee then withers and dies, and comes back to life rapidly, over and over again in just a few split seconds. Next thing I know, I’m awake. What could it mean?

A: Hello and thanks for your question:

You know, there’s really nothing magical about dream interpretation. The first thing I always ask my patients, is what do you think it’s about? Think about that for a moment. It could be about you getting older, going through puberty, or even getting your period.

Dreams are just our subconscious working while we’re asleep. Remember this; even if we are asleep, our brain isn’t. It keeps working to keep us alive and it often processes the day’s material. It can solve problems, or create things while we are asleep.

Dreams can be funny, terrifying, weird or wonderful. They have more to do with what has happened to you, or what you might think is going to happen in the future. You can interpret your own dream, but I would have to guess that this one is more about you growing up.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

These last few weeks I’ve been feeling really depressed. I’m not entirely sure, but I believe it’s because I don’t have a girlfriend. I’ve never really had any (close) friends. I’ve never really had anyone that I could talk to about what’s on my mind. I’m lonely. None of the few friends I do have live anywhere me. All I need is someone I can talk to. Because I’m 15 and never had a girlfriend, I’ve been feeling very lonely and depressed. Is there anything I can do  to overcome these feelings and possibly get a girlfriend at the same time?

Hello and thanks for your question:

I’m sorry that you are feeling so badly. You are going through one of the hardest stages of life; adolescence. Believe me, there are few times in a person’s life when things are this confusing, that you feel this lonely and that no one understands you. This can be an awful time. But it will pass.

The good news is that it is only a stage, and that you would move beyond it. Guys often don’t have a lot of close friends, that’s the nature of guys sometimes. That doesn’t mean that you won’t. And, just because you haven’t had a girlfriend, doesn’t mean that it won’t happen, either.

I really don’t want to say it, but you have many years ahead of you when you can form meaningful relationships with both guys and girls. Honest.

It’s true that most adults can’t understand what you are going though. It seems as though adults forget that we went through something very similar to what you are going through now. Perhaps it’s because it was so very painful. Again, this stage will pass.

You might ask your parents to take you to a therapist. A good one can really help you through this stuff. Check out therapists in your area by Googling “therapist” and your city.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

I have been having an ongoing affair for the past 10 years. I am married, he is married. We met about 12 years ago…I would have been with him had I not gotten pregnant with my son. I had left my husband and after finding out I was pregnant, went back to him. My question now is that we are both miserable, we want to leave our spouses, we know what we are doing is wrong, but there are children involved same ages 2 boys 7 and 2 girls 5…I have tried to tell my husband that I am unhappy but he won’t hear it and thinks we can make it over this so called “hump”…we have done counseling together and seperate. My husband is very co-dependent, I am not. I just don’t know how to do this and it is consuming my life and starting to drive me crazy!! Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

A: Neither you nor your lover have given your marriages a chance. You started this when you were only in your twenties. Your spouses haven’t had your full attention and love for 10 years. It makes sense to me that your marriages aren’t working. Maybe your husband is “co-dependent”. Maybe it’s more that he’s in your marriage 100% and you’re not.

With 4 young children involved, my vote is that you give counseling another try. For the kids, the break up of their families is an enormous loss. For all the parents, raising 4 children in what could ultimately be 3 different households would be very, very hard on everyone - especially if the adults are furious with each other. But counseling can only work if the counselor knows what’s going on. My guess is that you haven’t told your husband or your counselor the truth.

I hope you and your lover will each take a look at why you have stayed married and built families with people you aren’t willing to commit to. I’m concerned that if you don’t, you’ll find yourself in the same situation if the two of you leave your spouses to get together. As painful as the present situation is, it may be that there is a good but hidden reason why you have each maintained this double life.

I wish you all well.
Dr. Marie

I’ve always been very shy and find it really hard to make friends.  I don’t really have any because I’m not outgoing and find it hard to talk to people.  I think there’s something wrong with me. 

I get very uncomfortable and nervous when talking to people I’ve just met.  I stutter and look down alot because making eye contact is uncomfortable.  I want to be outgoing and make friends because I feel so isolated.  I don’t know what to do and how to get over this. 

My mom says that I just have low self esteem and I do but I’m not sure that’s the reason for my problem.  I had a rough childhood filled with screaming and violence but I don’t think that has anything to do with this either. 

I had more friends when I was drinking heavily because I was less inhibited and was more “fun”.  I quit drinking when I found out I was pregnant in July of 2008.  I had my baby 3 months ago and am still sober & plan to stay that way.  I’m really lonely and sad when this should be the happiest time of my life because I just had my baby.  I really would like some help in dealing with this issue.  I just want to be happy.  Any advice that you can give me would be great.

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

First of all, congratulations on your baby and being sober! Two great accomplishments!

There are a couple of things that came to mind when I read your letter. First, shyness is a problem that we can overcome. Sometimes it can be caused by low self esteem, but sometimes we are born with it.  While you may have been born with it, a chaotic childhood that includes violence and screaming can cause us to withdraw, to have trouble trusting.

There was a famous psychologist who decided to overcome his shyness by talking to 100 strangers each day. Not just “hi, how are you doing?” but actual conversations. Want to know something? He overcame his shyness and became very wealthy writing about it.

Now, I’m not suggesting you go out and talk with 100 people each day (although it would work), but you can honestly get some help from a professional who specializes in social anxiety (which is what you probably have). If you do have self esteem issues, or other stuff that is keeping you isolated and alone, a professional will be able to help you with that, too. You could even go to AA meetings and practice talking to strangers. It might help you remain sober, and you might even overcome some of your shyness.

If you want to find a therapist that is in your area, go to Psychology Today. There are even professionals who offer a sliding scale if money is tight.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

I know it’s illegal, but why does MDMA give me relief from my racing, obsessive thoughts and provide a well being I never before in my life have felt?  Over the years I have taken other meds to try and control my depression and OCD, but it always ended the same way; too many side effects, weight gain, sexual disfunction, etc,.  

I do realize there are side effects in using MDMA; but for myself, I use only two or three times a month, by myself at home and find that I have relief for weeks .  I feel myself to be a better a person, there is little to no anger and  I am finally able to focus on tasks at hand. I actually have seemed to of “let go” of certain obsessive behaviors that controlled my life for twenty or more years.  For the first time in my life I have been able to cultivate fullfilling and meaningful relationships because I don’t have the constant interference from “crazy thoughts”.  Why would I ever consider returning to a life of constant disruption and loneliness when there is way to be free? I risk alot to take MDMA, but know that I risk even more if I don’t!

A: Hello and thanks for your question:

Ecstasy, or MDMA (3,4 methylenedioxymethamphetamine) is a synthetic, drug that is chemically similar to the stimulant methamphetamine and the hallucinogen mescaline. MDMA produces feelings of increased energy, euphoria, emotional warmth, and distortions in time perception and tactile experiences.  In other words, a type of speed.  Methamphetamines will give you a high that will help combat the depression. OCD is an anxiety disorder that is driven by depressive thoughts. It will also give you a false sense of confidence. You will think that you’re smarter, more accomplished, quicker and more capable than you really are.  The fact is, it is making you dumber over time because it is destroying brain cells.

While you may THINK that it is be helping, you are permanently changing how your brain is working. In fact, you could alter it to the point that nothing will help, not even Ecstasy.  Research has demonstrated that after only 4 uses of the drugs, the damage was evident 6-7 years later. The brain cannot repair cells that have been destroyed.

There is evidence that not only does it damage the brain, but that it can be addictive. You will find yourself using more and more over time with less and less benefit. A survey of adult and adolescent users showed that 43 percent of those who use it are addicted. Withdrawal from the drug caused symptoms that include fatigue, depression, and fatigue along with trouble concentrating.

MDMA can also be dangerous to overall health or lethal. It has many of the same effects as cocaine and amphetamines. Increased heart rate and blood pressure, muscle tension, nausea, faintness, chills and sweating are few of the side effects to this drug. Your body can also lose control over regulating it’s temperature. That means that you do to into something that is called malignant hyperthermia, a rapid increase in body temperature that can result in liver, kidney, cardiovascular system failure and death.

Other drugs that are chemically similar to MDMA, such as MDA (methylenedioxyamphetamine, the parent drug of MDMA) and PMA (paramethoxyamphetamine, associated with fatalities in the United States and Australia), are sometimes sold as ecstasy. These drugs can be destroy your nervous system (brain) or create additional health risks. There’s a reason that it’s illegal and it’s not just because the government wants to interfere with your fun.  There are legal medications that can help you.

Don’t assume that your dealer is giving you safe stuff, either.  Ecstasy tablets may be mixed with other drugs without you knowing it. He’s not exactly regulated to give you what he’s saying is in it.  MDMA can be cut with ephedrine, dextromethorphan, ketamine, caffeine; cocaine; and methamphetamine.  He will give you whatever brings him the greatest profit.  Believe me, he’s not your buddy.

If, after reading this, you still decide that it’s worth the risks, then I guess you’ve made your choice. I just hope you don’t have a heart attack or stroke at your young age. Those aren’t very fixable.

Dr. Diana Walcutt

Hi I am at wits end, about two months ago my son threated suicide, He went to a hotel and took pills and drank. I tracked him down and before he took the pills the police took him to the ER. They didnt help him because he didnt have insurance. 

SO I found him a therapist, he didnt like her, refused to go and lied to me that he was going.  Two months went by everthing seemed ok. Last saturday he got totally drunk called me at work to come home that he had taken 3 pills and alcohol. 

I found him another therapst, it sound terrible but I said if he doeant get help I was going to make him leave (he is 25)  so today he went to the therapist said she isnt helping and he is very mean to me. Infact lately he agrues with me all the time if thing dont go his way when he gets this way he agains tells me he is going to take pills. 

I am at a lose, I have no friends here or family I am new in the area. I dont know what to do I live in consent free, I count all the pills that I can find, and I dont know what to do. What do I say if he refuses to go to the therapist, pls help I am desperate.  Thanks  PS I have tired all the therapis in the area, it is very hard to get help when you dont have insurance and his cousin killed himself 5 yrs ago. 

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

We always have to take suicide threats seriously, but he certainly sounds like he is manipulating you. The problem is, if you do force him to either get help or move out and something were to happen, you would feel guilty, right?

My guess is that the therapists are telling him that he has to stop drinking before they can help him, and I doubt that he wants to quit.  You didn’t mention what kind of pills he’s allegedly taking, but it usually takes more than 3 of most medications to kill someone.  He’s also told you that he took the pills and when the police showed up, he hadn’t taken them, right?

He may be an alcoholic and may be using other drugs as well. He needs to get help for his drinking and there are free clinics all over the country. But he will only cooperate if he decides that he needs help. You are unfortunately enabling his bad behaviors and perhaps even giving him money to buy his booze?

Rather than get him into therapy, you should go to a few sessions for yourself. A good therapist can help you sort these things out while giving you the guidance and support you need so badly. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Remember this; if your son decides to kill himself, he won’t let you stop him.  On one hand, be thankful that he’s telling you, on the other hand, he’s making you a nervous wreck and making you jump whenever he calls. If you get help, you can stop this “game.”  You can find a therapist in your area that specializes in this kind of problem at Psychology Today. If that doesn’t work, contact the community mental health centers. You don’t need insurance to be a patient at those.  You might also contact your state psychological association. They can often give you names of doctors who will see you for very little money.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

I am a 25 year old female that cant seem to be happy with anything. My brother passed suddenly a year ago and that sort of triggered a total collapse. I have been to an in-patient week long therapy rehab, which helped while i was there but soon after i got out i started feeing hopeless again.

I have totally changed my life; i stopped bartending and started school again. Im doing well in school, i have a wonderful boyfriend, and a great support group but every waking second I hate my life. I dont understand the point, i dont enjoy anything.

Im sure im driving my parents and boyfriend crazy because i am so negitive. I am currently in therapy and on some mood stabilizers but i have tried all types of antidepressants and narcotics….nothing seems to work. I have horrible self esteem which i think makes me isolate myself, therefore i dont have many friends.

 Every morning I wake up thinking how ugly, stupid, worthless, and useless I am…then i just want to go back to sleep so that i dont have to live another day. The main problem is that i feel i am doing everything that i am supposed to be doing to make myself better, and NOTHING works…i just want all the stress to end. Im not sure why I am writing this because I dont think whoever is reading this can tell me anything I havent already heard….

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

My first thought is that I wonder if anyone has told you how long the grieving process actually takes? You need to know that the “average” time is a year before people start feeling better. But some take up to 2 years to move through the process.  Anniversaries (birthdays, etc.) make the process worse at times, too.

That means that you’re going to feel crappy for awhile, and nothing will be very effective of dragging you out of it. You probably know about the 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance and depression. Without going into what the stages actually mean, we go back and forth between stages before we are “finished” with the acute process.

You are probably working your way through the depression, and while therapy can help and so can meds, you have to do the work that will allow you to heal.

Here’s what I often tell my patients who feel “stuck” at this stage: Write your brother a letter and tell him how you feel. Tell him why it is so hard to get past losing him and how his leaving you has hurt you so badly. If you’re angry at him, say so. The letter is just between him and you.

Don’t share this letter with anyone. You may want to keep it, burn it, or bury it. I had a patient who burned the letter then floated the ashes down a stream. It’s personal, so how you deal with the finished letter is entirely up to you.

It may be a paragraph, it may be 10 pages. How long it is, doesn’t matter. But, make sure you have some quiet time to yourself. Turn off your phone and the TV. Write the letter. It will help.

Dr. Diana Walcutt

I am a single dad and have a 16yo daughter.  Her mother lives 6 hours away and is rapid cycle Bipolar and, in all liklihood, Narcisistic PD.  They speak about once a week at this point and see each other 3 weeks over the summer + spring break and Christmas.  This year my dtr didn’t go on spring break and refuses to go this summer (she has had enough of the antics and being left alone + has a bf and is now driving a car so is mobile). 

She was recently put on the pill for a hormonal imbalance and has some self esteem issues regarding body and development. 

Her bf is nice as are her friends.  She is smart and we have a good relationship. 

She has started having bouts of sadness for no reason.  They about the time she said she didn’t want to go to her mom’s.  The episodes come about once a month and are not near her period.  They typically last 1 or 2 days and she says there is no reason, they just happen.  During these times she still goes to school, is with her friends, is nowhere near suicidal, no crying, still makes plans, ….  She is not manipulative. 

My questions, and I fully understand this is more of an opinion based soley on what I have written than a diagnosis, are: Is this abnormal?  When do I get concerned?  What else should I look for?  Is this early bipolar?  She has nothing near mania. 

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

There doesn’t seem to be any evidence that your daughter is Bipolar, but she does sound like she is going though some depression. It may still be related to her period; there are stages between the periods that cause a dip in serotonin, and that is one reason the disorder is now called Peri-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, rather than what it used to be called, “Pre-menstrual.”

Another thing that comes to my mind is that she may be grieving the fact that she knows that she cannot have a stable relationship with her mother, and has to work through the sadness that comes with that realization.

I can imagine that you are worried about her mood, but you should take her to a professional and have her evaluated to determine if she is just going through the adolescent stage that often includes some depression, whether she may have a chemical thing going on, or even if she needs therapy and/or medication.

I would suggest that you tell your daughter that you are concerned and would like to give her a chance to talk with someone outside her friends and family. She may jump at the chance, or, she may not. It’s hard to tell without meeting her. Check out Psychology Today for a professional in your area.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

Hello. I have stretch marks on my body including my hands, stomach and breast area. I never had sex before because I didnt want my partner to see the stretch marks. I want to know whether guys have problems with stretch marks and will guys not want to have sex if they see the stretch marks. Thanks

A: Hello and thanks for your question:

The most honest answer I can give you is that if they care more about stretch marks than you, then they aren’t worth it. If you have built a relationship with a guy first, that is, getting to know him, learning about who he is, and what is important to him, then you can find out whether or not he is the right guy for you.

Bottom line, do you want to have sex or a relationship? If you want a boyfriend who will love you, then get to know him way before you have sex. If you don’t care about the boyfriend, or the love, then just leave the lights out.  Nobody will ever know about the stretch marks unless you tell them.

I hope you choose the boyfriend route rather than the casual sex. You will be happier in the long run.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

For a year or two now, I have had this feeling of depression and I don’t know how to deal with it. Some days I am fine, others I am not. Some days when I am driving I just wish that someone would hit my car because I am tired of living this life.

Then when my two friends died in a car accident, I felt even worse about myself for thinking that. I have a problem with liking myself and I am starting to realize that I am losing interest in the things I love. I am pushing away the people I love.

Part of my depression stems from having a fatal illness. This genetic disease has a life expectancy about 40 years. To make this worse, my twin brother doesnt have this illness. I know I need help with my problems, I just dont know where to go. I want to ask my parents if they can send me to a therapist, I just know they wouldnt take me seriously. Because I put on this act for them to make them think I am happy. I just dont know how to tell them. I am starting to scare myself. Please help me. Thank you for your time.

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

One thing that comes to mind is that you can talk to a counselor on campus. All schools have counseling offices. If that doesn’t work, then you might do some research on professionals in your area at Psychology Today.

You have more than one burden that a therapist can help you with. You shouldn’t have to go through all of this with your feelings bottled up. It would be a terrible waste of your precious time. If you have one parent with whom you can share some of your feelings, sit them down and explain that you are depressed, need help, and can’t keep having these thoughts.

Thoughts of suicide are common, but there are ways that you can get the help that you need to handle things better. Medication and therapy can work wonders. 

You may be pretending that you are happy, but clearly you are not.  Find yourself some professional help, have your parents read this note and then take good care of yourself. You deserve more happiness than you are having right now.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

Please I need a professional reply in this matter. I am married for 2 years.I have a 14 month old baby. This marriage was settled by my parents. They chose the girl and I agreed. Before marriage I had some psychological problems. I was studying Masters in IT in Dhaka, Bangladesh in 2007.

Both my parents were abroad in Saudi Arabia. I was in dhaka with my younger brother. There was a lot of pressure of courses. There was also the challenge of making a good result set by my father. I also felt loneliness. I could not handle the pressure. I was partly responsible since I was irregular in my studies and wasted my time in games etc.

During my exam in february,2007 I became arrogant, misbehaving, used to break things out of anger,used to brag and give foul lectures, became proudy and felt all knowing. I hardly slept 3 to 4 hours a day and took food irregularly. There was also a feeling that everyone around is observing me and criticising me. My friends noticed the change and took me to a psychologist.

I failed in two subjects. In disgrace and humiliation my condition deteriorated. I had palpitition and could not sleep at night. My mother returned in March. She took me to the same psychologist. He prescribed some medicines for three months and suggested my mother to arrange a marriage for me. He also asked to put me in complete relaxation. He told that if I get a friend such as a wife my condition will improve.

In the next two months, my condition improved. I was married in June, 2007 with the expense of my father.
Both I and my wife were unaware at that time that the intention of my parents was to improve my mental health. Although I told my wife that I was mentally sick before marriage, she took me as a normal person as my condition was lot better. By the end of July, I became completely well. I love my wife and she loves me dearly and she is happy with me.

I am also happy but still there is a feeling that disturbs me that I don’t worth all of these. Once my father was angry with me for a certain matter and told me that I don’t worth any girl, had they not arranged the marriage for me I could not marry anyone by myself. This came as a shock for me. Ever since I cannot comfortably enjoy my family life. My father holds me responsible for the mental illness I suffered.

I have all the rights but I feel them granted, like I don’t deserve them! I am in debt for all of these to my parents! All my pleasures of my family life are permitted, not personal!

I make love with my wife, I adore my kids, still I feel the lack of personal freedom and right in it. Was a marriage absolutely necessary for my cure of mental illness? Could it be healed through medicines and other therapy? How much responsible was I for my mental illness?

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

I must confess, I don’t know a lot about your culture, only what my patients from your country have told me. I do know that mental health is looked upon as a weakness, but here in America, we have done a lot of research that has proven that it is NOT a weakness, but a real chemical problem.

It is NOT true that you don’t deserve your wife and children. It is also NOT true that your illness is your fault. However, it could be true that you were very stressed and staying up too many hours studying that you became exhausted. If you were drinking a lot of coffee and playing video games as well, that will make you lose sleep, become agitated and very difficult to live with. You can have a physical collapse, which will affect your mental health.

Your doctor may have been right in recommending that you get married. It may not have “cured” your mental illness, but you certainly did get a lot better, didn’t you? It would seem that not only did you get your health back, but got a wonderful family in the process. 

Be thankful for your loving family. Your parents obviously wanted what was best for you.

Was the marriage necessary? Maybe not, but with all honesty, there is no reason for you to feel guilty about how your life changed for the better.  Be happy with what you have been blessed with. You are a fortunate man.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

Alright, so i have been having a very certain type of dream for a while. It is never exactly the same and happens only once every other week or so. I have a dream in which i meet a girl. We begin to hang out and talk a lot. We start to like each other and become boyfriend and girlfriend. We become intimate and want to have sex. Then, we take our clothes off. Finally, right before we get down to it, i wake up. I never dream about said girl again, and i am left wondering and thinking. This is becoming an issue because these women i meet in my dream life begin to occupy my thoughts in real life. I am wondering if there is any reason why these dreams keep occuring.

A: Hello and thank you for your question:

What you describe isn’t that rare of a dream. It’s a performance anxiety problem that may or may not have actually happened to you. These types of dreams show up in many forms, like not being prepared for a class, discovering that you’re naked in public, etc. Pretty common.

The dreams may be driven by self esteem issues and the fear that you might not be accepted by a girl. You might want to talk with a professional about helping you to get past these dreams. They don’t mean anything other than the fact that you’re not sure of yourself. That can actually be helped by a good therapist.

Do yourself a favor; check out the professionals listed in your area at Psychology Today.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt