I fantasize about killing people in extreme detail. My most recent “fantasy” (I don’t prefer saying fantasize because I feel that people assume I like it.) was of me going to school with a gun and a camera and I would go to my home room class and close and lock the door behind me. I have everyone get into a corner and ask them what they think their problems are (I am recording from this point on). When they get done telling me I go through and tell them their problems. I kill them one by one and then point the camera at myself. I go about talking about my own problems and then kill myself. I don’t feel that I would ever do this I’m just wondering if this much detail is normal.

A. Your fantasies are abnormal and potentially dangerous. The most dangerous aspect of fantasies is that they allow the preplanning of an event. At this time, you have not carried out this plan but it is concerning that you are preoccupied with such violence. I would highly recommend that you report these fantasies to your parents or the school administrators so that you could receive the proper mental health treatment.

Having a fantasy is not illegal. You have done nothing wrong but your fantasy is indicative of the fact that something is troubling you. Often, people who fantasize about harming others feel out of control or powerless. Their fantasies often involve a situation in which they are in complete power. These fantasies might be a way to compensate for a perceived lack of power.

By telling your parents or school administrators, they can assist you in gaining access to mental health treatment. Counseling would allow you to uncover what is wrong and why you would want to hurt people. It can also help you to correct your thinking and feel better about yourself and your abilities. Please do not ignore my advice. Seek help immediately. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I know most people think this is stupid but I am really serious with my girlfriend and we have alot of fun together an we are so In love. we r in high school but next year we graduate and we want to move in together. the problem is her parents are ridiculous. they are terrible human beings. we had sex and they got mad at her even tho we were completely safe and we have been together a long time now. they want her to break up with me even tho we have Both improved each others life so much and they threaten to make her transfer schools and she is so scared. her parents don\’t treat her well mine aren\’t the greatest but I\’m worried about her. once her mom even told her that she hates her and that made me so angry. her brother who graduated a while ago really enjoys us as a couple and has no idea about the situation with his mom. he does know we had sex but is totally fine. I know most people think that my problem is stupid and say it’s just a high school relationships but it’s not. I feel something with her and she\’s the only thing that makes me truly happy and we are scared and confused. if u could help me It would mean alot. I know u can\’t solve this problem but I just need support I need someone to tell me our life gets better thank you

A: Being protective of their daughter doesn’t make her parents terrible people. On the other hand, it’s not okay for a mom to tell her daughter that she hates her. It sounds like everyone is upset and may be saying things they regret.

I know it may seem romantic to be in an “us against them” relationship but that seldom works out. Romeo and Juliet were teens whose parents disapproved and we all know how that turned out!

If you want to help settle things down, you need to find a way to forge a respectful relationship with your girlfriend’s parents. That means getting to know them as people and finding ways for them to get to know you. Her parents don’t know about the wonderful qualities that your girlfriend sees. They only see a guy who wants sex with their daughter.

It might help if you and your girlfriend talked with them about how you’ve improved each other’s lives and what you hope for in the future. Show her folks that you are a substantial person. That means doing well in school, maybe having a responsible job or doing some volunteer work, and working toward goals for a good life. They may never agree that it’s okay to have sex outside of marriage but they may be able to accept you being in her life if they see you as a responsible and mature young adult.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months now and he has always had a problem with depression but at first I did think it was just his life as he almost died last year and his dad is ill and his mom is struggling in her life too, but as he’s spoken to me more I’ve come to realize that it’s deeper than his life and his thoughts are seriously negative and I struggle to help him. Whenever we see each other he’s always happy but I’m starting to wonder if he’s just hiding his true feelings.

I know for a fact I want to stay with him, and I definitely want to help him…I just don’t know how. He won’t go to the doctors, he barely talks to me and when he does he’s very secretive in what he will tell me because “he doesn’t want to worry me” and he certainly won’t talk to anyone else about this,

I just want to be the best girlfriend I can be and help him though this. What are the things, if anything, I can do for him, because he’s losing hope of ever feeling like himself again!
Thank you for reading this.

A: I’m sure this is very worrying. It’s painful to watch someone we love be in pain. Your boyfriend has been through a lot and it sounds like it’s not over yet with both parents struggling. I’m sorry he won’t take advantage of good help that is available. There is no shame in talking to a therapist. However you may care for him, you don’t have the training or experience to give him the help he may need to cope.

On the other hand, you do have something no therapist has: You care about him personally and you can have good times with him. I suggest you not push him to talk about things he doesn’t want to share. Instead, focus on positive things. Get together with friends. Do things he likes to do. Do your best to sustain the happy times. Happiness and positive experiences are the best antidote to sadness and negativity.

And, please, I hope you don’t let yourself get caught up in the drama of negativity. Negative drama only feeds negativity. Don’t beg him to share his secrets. Don’t constantly tell him how worried you are. Don’t try to “save” him. He doesn’t need a savior. He needs a friend. When he’s blue, suggest you go do something active, watch a comedy movie, or go hang out with friends doing something fun.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I have been in a committed relationship for 1.5 years to a man that truly loves me. He has 3 daughters 22,18,16. I have a 19 year old daughter who lives with me. We moved in together then 3 months later his 18 year old moved out of her mom’s house and moved in with us. His 22 and 16 lives with their Mom in another state. His daughters are disrespectful, rude, pretend I don’t exit and truly unappreciative. The 16 year old visits as much as she wants, and for as long as she wants. Things got worse and eventually my boyfriend and his 18 year old daughter moved into their own apartment.

All I have been to these girls is kind, nice and generous. I have treated them no different than my own daughter. A couple of things that bother me that I don’t know how to deal and I need help. When I am around them, they completely ignore me like I don’t exist. My boyfriend still talks to me,and he says don’t pay attention to them but I think their actions are extremely rude.

The next thing that really bothers me is that they talk about my daughter and I on social media. Especially the youngest(16). She doesn’t say my name, but everyone knows who she is talking about. She says that she honestly cannot believe he is still with me and that I believe that I should come first before his own kids and this is not TRUE!

They have caused so much stress to our relationship and my sanity I have decided to disengage from these girls.I will be cordial, say hello, but will no longer seek their approval. What advice can you give me to help me with what I am experiencing? This is the most horrible situation I have ever experienced.

I love this man and luckily he is on the same page as I am and I have his support. He has confronted them about how they treat me and remind them that I only have treated them with respect and love. Please help me because when I go and visit their apartment all I feel is anxiety and stress. We plan on getting married in the next 6 months but I do not know how to deal with his awful disrespectful daughters. Thank you!

A: I’m so, so sorry for the stress and distress this is causing you. It must be wonderful to find someone to love again. It must be awful to be targeted on Facebook and to be so badly treated by girls you were prepared to love.

As difficult as it is, please don’t take their behavior personally. It’s probably not about you. You are the symbol that their parents are never going to get back together. They are loyal to their mom. They want life to go back to the way it was. As soon as you moved in with their dad, they knew that the breakup of the family was indeed permanent and they hate it.

You don’t have to be a “mom” to these girls. As you know, they have a mom and they don’t need another one. Hopefully, they will eventually let you be an adult friend. Meanwhile, all you can do is be yourself and stay cordial. You don’t need their approval.

What you do need is for their dad to step up and give you more active support. He may have “confronted” them with words but from the sounds of it, he’s a bit of a doormat with their behavior. There don’t seem to be any meaningful consequences for their disrespectful behavior.

How is it that the 16-year-old gets to come and go as she likes, regardless of her behavior? How is it that she’s allowed to keep a cellphone if she uses it to hurt you? It seems to me that he should be telling her that if she wants to visit, she needs to be at least polite. She doesn’t have to love you but she does need to treat you as she would any guest of his who is important to him. Ditto for the 18-year-old. How is it she just moved in? He can let her know in no uncertain terms that staying at his place means treating you well.

I hope you will insist, for your own sake and the sake of your daughter, that your boyfriend take charge of this situation before you marry him. There needs to be a significant change now or you will never feel welcome and at peace in your own home if they are around.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia at age 15 but the doctors at the mental hospital did not even bother to look into the problem very well they just diagnosed me after my 2nd admission because i was hearing voices and seeing demons in the dark. Now im 19 years old and its gotten a lot worse but its not just paranoia and hallucinations anymore now i also seem to have hard time understanding things i could be told one thing and i will understand it all wrong and by the next week i will have completely forgot it and i have extremely hard time learning.I also cant seem to remember anything about my own life recently i started having visions of my past and not being sure if its real or not i ask mother and she verifies that it did happen exactly how i saw it so is my memory returning and why in visions? I now remember i always had this memory problem since a child but not to such a severe extent also showed many of the childhood schizophrenia symptoms but everyone always just passed it off as normal child behavior so i never got the treatment that could of prevented this.I seem to do unusual things like repeat a series of movements over and over completely unaware of it while its going on until i finally realize what i’m doing and stop or i will just begin to repeat weird sounds out loud over and over for absolutely no reason then stop and carry on like nothing happen until days later i’ll realize what i did.And i have these delusions that seem so real i jump from delusion to delusion from thinking im being watched by everyone in the world threw cameras in home and being listened to threw bugs in my phones and t.v, thinking tv shows are based on my life thinking music artist music is based on me or made to send me a secret message, Or thinking im the devils son and its my rightful place to rule the underworld and because i’m his son i have been given the gift of telepathy this ones hard for me because i will hear voices of loved ones talking to me as if i really am talking to them they have their personality and everything so i believe i have this unique power no one has because i’m the devils son. its all so real it has me left confused what is real and whats not i get reality confused with none reality and vice versa i also cant show emotions correctly if i show them at all.Also ever since i was a child always been very anti-social i was forced to socialize at school but rarely hung out with people outside of school until i was expelled then it all went down hill because i was always alone they began telling me to do awful things to others so that caused to pull away from others even the slightest thing would throw my mind into sick mood were demons would graphically explain to me what to do to the individual i began to like the idea of doing these things so i withdrew from everyone for everyone including my own safety it helped to stay away after awhile it went away but now i’m used to being alone but its not healthy i dont even trust my own family very much because of what the voices tell me and it seems like when they tell me something they have so much prove on the delusion if its even a delusion.I have been able to master the skill of hiding this disorder i could be losing my mind inside and hide it so it appears nothings going sometimes i will show no symptoms besides not having the ability to learn and understand the world around me but it does not stay dormant very long. I need you therapists opinion what exactly is happening to me and how much worse will it get. oh and i didnt add the meds never really helped me all they did was sedate me severely to the point of me not functioning they said it would go away but i was on them for year and a half of nothing but switching them over and over.So all im asking for is an honest opinion on whats happening with me and maybe some actions i can take thank you.

A. I’m sorry you’re experiencing so much distress. It seems as though you are experiencing symptoms of psychosis. It’s not clear from your letter whether or not you are currently taking medication. You did say that you’ve been on and off of medication but nothing seems to have worked. If you’re currently not on medication, then in all likelihood it would be the case that you are experiencing psychosis. You have many of the signs including delusions, hallucinations, hearing voices, experiencing paranoia, and so forth. These symptoms need to be controlled. Medication is typically needed to decrease or eliminate symptoms of psychosis.

I understand that medication can make you feel sedated. Many people have this complaint. It is a matter of finding the right medication in the right dosage. For many people, this takes time and a concerted effort on the part of the treating physician and the patient. My advice is to find a psychiatrist whom you trust and who is willing to take the time to find the right medication for you. Once you find the right psychiatrist, ask him or her to start you on a low dose of medication and adjust it accordingly, depending on your symptoms and how you react to the initial dose.

You may also want to consider going to the hospital. You may or may not be a candidate for admission but a hospital stay would allow a team of doctors to assess your symptoms, attempt various medications and adjust the dosage accordingly. The ultimate goal would be to stabilize your symptoms and find a medication that you could tolerate.

It’s also important for individuals with schizophrenia to live in a stress-free environment. Some theories of schizophrenia suggest that stress has the potential to cause psychotic episodes. We know that in many cases, it exacerbates one’s symptoms. Ideally, you should always be attempting to decrease or eliminate stress. You should also be searching for the right psychiatrist who could assist you in finding a medication you can tolerate.

Finally, I would also recommend gaining support. Is there a family member who could assist you? Try to gain as much support as possible. It might be difficult for you to navigate the mental health system when you’re experiencing symptoms of psychosis. Ask your family members or those who are willing to assist you to help you gain access to the proper mental health treatment. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I am sorry to bother you, you probably get stuff like this all the time. Sorry. I um…theres definitely something up. With me. Ive always been nervous around people, but its getting worse. Thats not it though. Um…my brain feels weird, and sometimes I get really scared of the thought of even going outside, to school, etc. I feel really bad. Ill be happy then not. I think someone says my name or whispers but no one did. But it happens when no one is around too. I feel like im being watched a lot and occasionally like someone is reading my mind, then I really freak out. I zone out often to “wake up” kind of confused, wondering for a second where I am, or amazed that I am there. Time is weird too. Half an hour is only a minute or two. Or the opposite. My one friend that knows all of this, said one time I thought there were bugs, the techno listening kind, and that my step dad was a spy for my evil adoptive father (he really is evil), and i said i couldnt trust any one, that i almost turned on him but he convinced me otherwise. I remember it differently though. My brain, sometimes thoughts just kind of stop, like they floated away. Talking is crazy. Ill think I said it real clear but nobody replies. It either mumbles or is gibberish like this: Maybe wejlkdjfalkdfjcmk. I hope that makes sense. My brain is being weird now so this is difficult to. Daydreaming a lot and weird dreams all of the time, and figures in the dark and cool spots, like ghosts, noises. I get really scared. I just spaced and can’t really continue this. Im sorry again. Oh. But i have trouble concentrating, i didnt used to. And remembering things. I really dont ever feel like doing the things Im suppose to or should do.

A. Symptoms such as “zoning out,” waking up confused, and daydreaming are potentially symptoms of disassociation. You also seem to be experiencing symptoms such as hearing voices, paranoia and anxiety. Those are concerning and unusual symptoms.

If your parents are unaware of your symptoms, please inform them immediately. Ask them if they would schedule you an appointment with a mental health professional for an evaluation. The fact that you are having difficulty making sense of words may be indicative of a possible medical problem. For that reason, you should also consider having a physical examination to rule out any possible medical conditions.

Sometimes, teens don’t feel as though they can speak to their parents. They fear that their parents will not take them seriously. If you feel that you cannot speak to your parents, then go to the school guidance counselor, or another trusted member of your school’s faculty. Report your symptoms and ask if they would speak to your parents on your behalf. It’s imperative that you do not ignore your symptoms and find a way to receive the proper psychological assistance. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

Hi, Im wondering if what I went through was physical depression. When I was 7 my mother died and after that I would get sick almost everyday, it got better over the years and by the time I was 12 I was fine. Im 13 now and would just like a response to whether or not I suffered from Physical depression. Thank you :)

A: It sounds to me like you were grieving in the way that sometimes little kids do. I’m sorry no one helped you make sense of it at the time. Time does heal us after a loss. I’m so sorry you lost your mother so young and I’m glad you are feeling better now.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I am very confused right now. I don’t know if I am happy because I always feel like something is missing in my life and I know I shouldn’t ask for more. I was adopted when I was 3 years old by a single middle aged woman, she’s often not home due to work and we’re not in good terms. I was told I was adopted when I was younger. My grandma always talks about how bad my father is and how he destroyed my real mother’s life. I thought that she was exaggerating first but when I met him, he wasn’t what I thought he should be. The idea of a father is not him at all. He has a new wife that said and my other siblings are with him. I hated him more, because my mother died of giving birth and here he is having a new wife. I don’t want to talk to men or adults because I figured that they’re the same as my father-selfish. When I started in highschool I came to conclusion that they’re not all the same. So I tried talking to them at least but still have problems talking to them sometimes. I have friends but sometimes I feel that we’re not friends, because they don’t understand me. Maybe because they have a complete family and they’re happy. I never really cried to them, and anyways they’re so slow so they will never understand that. I always cry alone, I dunno why.. out of loneliness or envy? It’s just that my life is better now than from my father but why do I seem to want to be reborn and have a normal happy family?

A: It’s understandable that you are looking for reasons for your unhappiness but you’re looking in all the wrong places. Your adoptive mom works to support you both. You have as “normal” a family as anyone else does. Very, very few families look and act like the families you see on reruns of old 1950s and ’60s sitcoms (you know: Mom in dress and pearls, Dad in suit, two to three kids all happy, happy, happy). Your father probably is more complicated than you give him credit for. All men are not alike. But you’re a smart girl. You know all that.

So let’s get to your question: Why are you are confused, alone, and unhappy? Partly it’s because you are going through the normal adjustment of adolescence. I know. That’s not a very satisfactory answer. But the truth is that your body is changing and most kids go through emotional turmoil while that is happening – at least for a little while. You don’t have much control over that piece – although you could talk to your doctor to make sure everything is going normally. Sometimes a thyroid imbalance, for example, makes things worse.

The other piece, you do have control over. You are alone and lonely because you’re not with people. However shy you may be, the “cure” is to get involved in something that you really care about with other people. Do you love animals? Maybe there’s an animal rescue group near you. Are you interested in music? Join a chorus or start a band. Do you love working with kids? Think about getting involved with an after-school program or some other activity where you could work with little ones. Are you interested in kids with special needs? I bet there’s an organization near you that works with them. By giving of yourself and by working side by side with others, you’ll start to find people who are more like you and meaning for your life.

Meanwhile, you also have some control over your relationship with your mother. Find two or three positive things to say to her every day — regardless of whether you think she deserves it. By going to work every day, she is providing for you. She adopted you because she really, really wanted you. She didn’t have to do it. She’s probably as confused and upset about your relationship as you are. You are both dealing with the teen years for the very first time. You’re both learning. Most parents have just as difficult of a time with it as their kids do, though in different ways. If you take the initiative and work to change the tone in your house a bit, you may be surprised and pleased with what happens.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

A 19 year old family member who was diagnosed with ADD as a teen and recently diagnosed as bipolar refuses to get professional help. He has had previous drug issues as well as law issues. no violence just dumb but it is straining our family, we never know what’s going to happen next. any suggestions?

A. This is a difficult problem. You cannot force people to do things they don’t want to do. You may be able to leverage him into treatment. By this I mean that your family bands together and informs him that he cannot live in your home if he’s unwilling to enter treatment. It may be the only way to convince him to participate in treatment.

Before getting to that point, there are other ideas to consider. Consult a family therapist. A family therapist can assist your family in determining the best way to intervene. Your family member may be willing to participate in treatment if other members of the family are also willing to participate in treatment.

Contact your local chapter of National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). NAMI is a nonprofit organization that provides mental health education, advocacy and support for both individuals who have a mental illness and those who have a family member with mental illness. Most communities offer free support groups for family members who are dealing with problems like you are facing.

It’s not unusual for individuals with a diagnosed mental illness to refuse to seek help. It may be that he doesn’t believe he’s mentally ill. It also could be that the stigma associated with having a mental illness is preventing him from seeking the proper help. In any event, it’s important that your family continues to encourage him to seek help. There is a limit as to what you can force him to do but you should try everything within your power to ensure that he receives treatment for his mental illness. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I have thought maybe I would classify under ultradian/rapid cycle bipolar because my father, grandmother and great-grandfather suffered from bpd and my moods change over the course of hours to a couple of days at most. However I don’t really suffer through “manic” episodes, it changes between “depressed” and “normal”. My “depressed” moments go from being exhausted for no reason, just being.. “done”, being upset that my life will never be as happy as when I was younger, and thinking that the future is pointless because I’ll be in school for 5 years, work through my whole life, then die. But sometimes I seem to “get over” these phases for a couple of hours/days in which I consider my mood to be “normal” and then it repeats. I have not seriously considered suicide, but recently I don’t even want to risk putting myself in a tempting situation.. Would rapidly switching between “normal” and this kind of “depression” be a certain illness?

I am also slightly sceptical though because my mother has always been worried I will inherit the bpd gene so anytime when I was just sad as a younger teen she was worried that I was going through a depression phase. I am wondering if I’m just convincing myself that there’s something wrong with me, when there’s nothing (even though I would NEVER wish for myself or anyone else to experience mental illness)? I don’t know what to do because I feel like even if I go to the Dr, I can answer the questions the “right way” and it may not be accurate. For example, if I am convincing myself I have an illness I’ll answer the questions in a way that will “confirm” it, or if I’m convincing myself it’s all in my head I’ll answer the questions in a way that will “deny” any illness.. I’m confusing myself and I don’t know whether these thoughts would contribute to my “symptoms” or not….. I don’t really know what I’m doing or what I’m looking for from you guys…. I just don’t know.

I’m sorry for my weird thought process, if it doesn’t make sense to me I can’t assume it would make sense to you, but thank you for your time either way. All the best.

A: There is no need to apologize for yourself. You are asking very, very good questions.

First, there are two types of bipolar disorder. Cycling between depression and “normal” is Bipolar II. People who have also had at least one episode of mania are diagnosed with bipolar I. So, if you have bipolar at all, it’s likely that it’s bpII.

However, you ask another really good question: Is it at all likely that you have been made so hypersensitive to the possibility that you have bipolar that you are mistaking normal adolescent hormonal changes and emotional growth for a disorder? I can’t answer that question on the basis of a letter. What I can do is suggest that you make an appointment with a mental health professional and take your letter with you to the first session. Your letter describes the situation very well. Asking the counselor to read it first thing will help her understand your confusion. The counselor will then be able to ask you questions that will help determine what’s going on.

I do think that settling the question will be helpful to you. You don’t want to be constantly second-guessing yourself or worrying about yourself every time you have a sad feeling. On the other hand, if you do have bipolar II, you may want to consider some treatment so that you can manage it effectively. It doesn’t have to dominate your life.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

This is really hard for me to talk about, but ever since I was 12 I’ve been sexually interest to animals (dogs in particular) I know this is wrong and I hate myself for it. I find myself dreaming about sex with dogs, and surfing the internet for bestiality videos. Now, I volunteer at a Animal Shelter (For my Honors Club, I was volunteered by the coordinator and I had no say) and I never look at a dog and say “Oh that dog is hot” or ” I want to have sex with that pup” and That doesn’t seem to fit the zoophilia prophile (according to the internet at least) I just wanted to know if this is just my adolescent curiosity or is a fetish? If it is a fetish, should I tell my parents and seek help?

A. I wouldn’t characterize your sexual feelings for animals as “adolescent curiosity.” It’s an unusual interest. Giving your expressed sexual interest in animals, it would be best for you, at least temporarily, to remove yourself from situations in which you are interacting with animals. I would also advise against viewing any sexual content that involves animals. Being in the presence of animals, and viewing content of a sexual nature that involves animals, may be reinforcing your sexual interest. In other words, it may be making it stronger. Avoid any activity that is reinforcing your sexual interest in animals.

Yes, you should ask your parents to assist you in beginning counseling. Your sexual interest in animals is unhealthy and requires treatment. Any contact of a sexual nature with animals is also illegal.

It would be a good idea to have an evaluation by a trained professional. Remember, you haven’t done anything wrong. You are only having fantasies. Techniques to end those fantasies are available and your therapist can guide you.

I’m sure it wasn’t easy to ask this question and I commend you for being open to seeking treatment. Psychotherapy could extinguish your interest in animals. That should be the goal. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

At 14, I’m obviously very young, which makes this so much harder. I’ve been researching and i’ve come to notice I have symptoms of Bipolar Depression – Depression. I don’t know what to do? I don’t want to ask my mom to get me checked out. And who should I go to, a therapist? What do I do? I don’t know who to go to or how. I just feel like i’m worthless and no matter how bad I try I will always be this way. Anything helps.

A: I’m so sorry you are in such pain and that you are feeling so confused and alone.

It may be easier to ask your mom to take you for a checkup with your pediatrician than to ask her to get you a therapy appointment. There are many medical problems that can make a person feel depressed and hopeless. You want to be sure that a medical issue isn’t being overlooked. At 14, you can certainly ask the doctor to give you a few minutes in private – without your mom – to talk about personal issues. Most doctors will respect that and will ask your mother to step outside.

If you and your doctor agree that you are physically okay, your doctor may refer you to a counselor for an evaluation. Your doctor will be your ally with your mom. An hour with a counselor may help you sort out whether you are going through usual, though painful, teenage emotions or if you actually meet the criteria for a mental health diagnosis. Either way, the counselor will make some suggestions about what you can do to feel better.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I had a silent miscarriage and found out at my 12 week scan that I was no longer pregnant a few weeks ago. Not even 48 hours after finding out the worst news of my life that killed me inside my sister decided to rub it in my face that she was now pregnant and having everything I want. She makes out she feels bad and she’s there for me but she never has been before so why now. I’m very close to my mum but since I lost mine and my sister is now pregnant I seem to have been pushed out the picture. I have a very strong hate for my sister now and my mum is being very stressed with me and doesn’t seem to think about my feelings because all she ever talks to me about is my sisters baby and it being her first grandchild. I feel as though MIT baby that I carried didn’t mean anything to them what breaks my heart when I think of it. I’m still very upset about loosing my baby and cry myself to sleep a lot. I try to talk to my mum but she just says be nice she’s your sister. Well where was my sisters kindness when she shattered my life into a million peaces in a second I’m her sister to where was her speech about being nice. I have always been to nice for my own good so when everyone asked me how I was about it I said I was fine because telling the truth wasn’t going to change anything just make me look heartless. Now I wish I had told people because now I would feel so depressed. To make matters worse my sister has had a few problems living with her boyfriend so now she has moved onto my mums drive in a caravan so now I have no chance of going to my mums to talk without my sister being there what upsets me even more. I can’t talk to my partner about things my mum has said as he gets upset that they hurt me and starts hating her and that hurts me because I love my mum so much. I just don’t know what to do. I work at the same place as my sister so not only so I have people talking about my sisters baby at my mums all the time I get it at work off staff and customers. Most of witch didn’t know I was pregnant as I was keeping it quite till my twelve week scan that they keep asking me about it and give me a break down at work. I have been feeling very closed off from everyone and I can’t seem to shake it. I think it’s the fact that my baby seems to have been forgotten and it kills me and makes me feel numb inside I just need someone to listen and help, thanks for your time and help.

A: I am so very sorry for your loss. One thing that may be happening has to do with the fact that in addition to the psychological struggle to get through this time your body is likely to be going through a hormonal roller coaster.

I would strongly recommend psychotherapy for coping with the loss you feel from the miscarriage, helping adjust yourself to your sister’s pregnancy and her lack of effort at support.

This is the time for you to recover and reclaim yourself through support through psychotherapy. See if the hospitals in your area are offering individual or group therapy for grieving. This is a profound loss and there are people available who can help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I am a sixteen year old female and throughout my life, I have moved cities very often and been to 6 different schools in 11 years of education due to my father’s career choice. Because I have moved around so much, it is very hard for me to make close friends now and to generally trust people. I don’t like making close friends because all I’ve ever known was that people always leave and they don’t keep their promises. I have no true friends that I’ve known for a while. I also have a hard time expressing my emotions such as sadness or pain to others. I’d rather keep everything to myself. How can I change this? I would really like to allow myself to become close friends with the friends I currently have.

Additionally, whenever I feel like I am getting too close someone, i tend to try to ruin the friendship by being over-bearing and acting on impulses. I would really like to know how can I let myself get close to people without feeling the need to shut them out and to pull away

A: What you are describing is very common in teens who have been moved about a lot because of a parent’s job or service in the military. It’s hard to settle into a friendship when you know you may be moving in a year or two. Many kids protect themselves from the hurt of leaving by never connecting. Sadly, that strategy means that you never get to have the kind of intimate friends that every teen wants and needs.

The good news for you is that you are part of the media generation. It used to be that once a family left town, it would be rare for young people to see each other again. Now, thanks to Skype, Facebook, and email, it’s really easy to keep in touch and for relationships to continue to develop even if you move 1000 kilometers away. Media contact can help you bridge the distance until you can arrange a shared holiday visit. I know of many friendships and several romantic relationships that are functioning this way very well.

Whether you get closer to the friends you have is a decision. It won’t happen automatically. It won’t happen because of fate or because the stars align in some particular way. You’re going to have to do things a bit differently. That means taking some risks with your feelings. It means letting others see who you really are. Yes, you’ll sometimes get hurt. That’s part of having relationships. But nothing hurts as much as loneliness and isolation.

Trust your instincts. Choose a couple of people who you know in your heart are kind and friendly. Then start slowly letting them get to know you. Keep it light at first. Find ways to have fun together and to talk about things that are important to you both. As you get more comfortable, open up more. If you do, I think you’ll find that it will feel more and more natural. You just have to do it enough to get yourself used to being closer. At 16, I’m reasonably sure that you have what it takes to work on it.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Hello, my name is Laura. I’m 14 years old. I suffer from depression, my mum had an eating disorder and bipolar. I’m really scared about putting weight on, I chop my food up into small/tiny pieces or hide it. I weigh myself every morning I currently weigh 39kgs and I don’t like that, I want to be skinnier. I do purge once or twice a week, but I usually don’t eat. The most calories I had today was 350 but I still feel like it was too much. I keep a food log. Do you think I have a eating disorder?

A. Hello Laura. I cannot know with certainty if you have an eating disorder but it is a possibility. You’re hardly eating. Eating only 350 calories a day is not enough for you to sustain life. You cannot do this for long and you shouldn’t be doing it at all. You are obsessed with your weight and don’t think you’re “skinny enough” despite your low weight. Food has become the center of your life. The fact that your mother had an eating disorder increases the possibility that you too might have an eating disorder.

You should receive help as soon as possible. Eating disorders are very dangerous. Your body needs food to survive. It cannot function properly without the proper nutrition and number of calories. Tell your parents that you want to see a mental health professional. If you feel as though you can’t talk to your parents, speak to someone at your school, a teacher you trust, a mentor, the school nurse, the guidance counselor or the principal. It’s important that you do not ignore the fact that you may have an eating disorder.

Without treatment, you risk the development of serious health problems or possibly death. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental health disorders and this is precisely why they’re so dangerous. I hope that you will take my advice seriously and see a mental health professional as soon as possible. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice