I’m a junior in high school and I’ve never had any friends in school or outside of school. I was bullied from 5th grade to my sophomore year. It got so bad I begged my mom to let me be homeschooled. I have always been a shy person especially in school. Sometime during the summer of 2009 is when my shyness got extreme. I left my old school and went to a new school for 8th grade. The first day of school I was extremely nervous. The kids there were nice but I was so affected by the bullying I had endured at my previous school that I became scared of everyone. I became disconnected from people. I sat a lunch at a table with no one but myself. If people tried to talk to me I ignored them. Once that worked I started hiding in books. I read during lunch so on one would talked to me. I did that for a long time. When I got to highschool I became invisible to people. I was scared of my peers. I skipped lunch everyday. I did out in the bathrooms because I was affraid of walking in the lunch room and having all eyes on me. In class raised my hand because I was affraid of everyone looking at me. I’m 17 and I’m terrified of going in stores by myself. I don’t like people looking at me. I have to go in with my mom. I have panic attacks when I go in malls. I freak out when I see groups of teenagers. When I walked past them my heart starting racing and my hands get sweating and my face feels flushed. My mom doesn’t understand that I’m going through something. She tells my its just a phase. I’ve been getting panick attacks of going into places I know have peers in them since I was in 7th grade. I avoid being in situations with a lot of people. Whether it be stores or malls. My mom says that “I’m almost 18 I need to have social interaction.” My answer is ” I can’t people make me extremely nervous and anxious. I don’t know what to do. I’m worried about what I will do once I graduate. I’m almost 18 and I rely on my family for everything. I don’t drive. I have no goals. I’m very smart but I don’t want to go to school because of the fear I get around my peers. I feel like I won’t ever get a job. I in my house for 89% percent of the time.

I just feel better in my home. I’m a different person when I’m with my family. But when I leave my home I step outside of the world is when the fear and anxiety takes over me. I’m a teenager that hasn’t ever dated, ever gone to a school danced or a party. If I go I fear of people staring and me and whispering and talking behind my back to their friends. So I just avoid everything fear will trigger my anxiety. I feel so scared of life. Please help!

A. The continued avoidance of that which you fear is effectively worsening your social anxiety disorder. Removing yourself from an anxious situation is reinforcing. It makes you feel better. Feeling better is a “reinforcement.” The first law of behaviorism states that “if a reinforcer follows a behavior, then that behavior will increase in the future.” In your case, that behavior is avoiding social situations.

For instance, take the example of your being frightened to go to the mall. It probably happens this way: enroute to the mall, your anxiety builds. By the time you arrive, your anxiety is severely heightened. The severe anxiety makes it difficult to leave your vehicle and you ultimately return home instead of going into the mall. Upon leaving the mall, your anxiety diminishes significantly and by the time you arrive home, your anxiety is virtually nonexistent.

By leaving the situation at the height of the anxiety, you have made your social anxiety worse. Ideally, you should have gone into the mall despite your high level of anxiety. It would undoubtedly have been difficult to “sit with” that high level of anxiety but it would have eventually diminished.

Without treatment, social anxiety disorder tends to become worse. At this time, you find it difficult to leave home. Social anxiety is negatively affecting many aspects of your life. I would recommend seeking professional treatment. Very effective treatments exist for social anxiety disorder. Choose a mental health professional who specializes in social anxiety disorder. You may also want to choose someone who has specialized training in exposure and response prevention therapy, which is a specific cognitive-behavioral therapy designed to treat social anxiety disorder. You are a perfect candidate for treatment. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Hello, my name is Ahmed i’m originally from Iraq but now in in Jordan to study in the university of Jordan my specialize is pharmacy and it’s my first year…my problem is that i think i have some kind of social phobia ,i feel so alone and i find it hard to know new people or making friends ,i don’t have self confidence and always feel that people don’t like me or reject me in their brains ,i feel lost and extremely unhappy about that situation and i want to change,i wanna make friends and have fun in college and be social active not alone and insecure..
so please can you help me??

A. For many students, the first year of college is especially difficult. Students experience a great deal of anxiety, for many reasons, which include: worrying about if they can handle college coursework, being in a new environment, not knowing many people on campus, the lack of a support system, and so forth.

The difficultly inherent in transitioning has led to the development of support groups for distressed students on college campuses. I would encourage you to meet with a mental health professional at the counseling center. Report the issues with which you are struggling. Inquire about whether or not they have support groups for students in your situation.

In the meantime, consider joining a club or engaging in other activities on campus that interest you. Make an effort to attend campus events. Doing so will be challenging because of your social anxiety but do the best you can. As time passes and if you engage in treatment, your symptoms should improve dramatically. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I have a 5 year old daughter who is extremely shy! She attended Pre-K last year and is currently in Kindergarten at the same school. She’s always been the type of child to take longer to warm up to situations and does not initiate with other kids on her own. However, I never tended to worry much about it and decided to just give her time to feel more comfortable, as she had just started school. However, this school year, the behaviors are still the same. At first, she was so shy, that she did not even speak in school (to peers or teacher). I immediately started working very closely with the teacher on getting her to feel more comfortable and together came up with some ideas (ex. brought in her pet gerbil to share) and these things actually worked and she began to talk more in class (at first in a whisper and then in a normal tone). I was so excited about her progress with the talking, but that initial progress kind of regressed a bit.

What I am most concerned about though, is that she will not initiate with peers. I watch her in the playground when I pick her up and she is completely by herself, walking around and not interacting with any of the kids. When I ask her why she doesn’t play, she says its because she’s shy. My concern is that she has internalized this label based on her experiences and what she hears others call her and I am trying to help her overcome that. So just recently I started a behavior chart with her where she earns a sticker for each day she plays with the kids (even if she doesn’t talk to them), but it’s kind of inconsistent at this point. She did it a few times, and felt very proud of herself! That day, she did not even want to go home!

At that point, I made sure to help her make a connection with how fun it was to play with others. However, those good days have been rare and lately I have also seen her behavior changing a bit at home. In my opinion, she is a very intuitive little girl and is very aware of her social difficulties/anxiety. Lately, when I bring up talking about her friends at school and if she played with them, she will cover her ears and says she does not want to talk about it and that she’s just shy, shy, shy!! She has also recently said to me that she was sad because of school and the fact that she doesn’t have any friends.

OF course my heart breaks for her and I only want to step in and do whatever it takes to have all this go away! But I sometimes wonder if her sudden change in behavior may be because I am putting too much pressure on her to speak and be more social. I need some advice on whether I am doing the right thing or if I should step back a bit and just let her get comfortable at her own pace. I was planning to do more activities that expose to more social situations like play dates, going to the park, etc. Which I’m sure would all help! But I’m not sure if we are dealing with a more serious anxiety problem that requires formal treatment. What is your opinion on that, give it more time or find a professional? Sorry about such a long message and thank you so much for your professional opinion. I truly appreciate it as a I desperate to help my child become more social.

A: You are asking excellent questions. I think you can do both — see a professional and get some good advice about how much you should intervene and what timing would be most helpful. As a parent, it’s very difficult to know if your child is within the range of normal behavior. How could you? You don’t have the experience of seeing a hundred or more kids with some of the same challenges. That’s what a professional can bring to the situation. Kids do have different temperaments and talents and also have their own individual timeframes in which to grow. Being different from the average doesn’t necessarily mean that there is somehing wrong but it’s wise to check it out.

It sounds to me like you are doing everything you know how to do to be helpful. You are correct to be concerned that your child is picking up your worry. It’s possible a child or family therapist will help relieve some of your anxiety and will give you some new ways to help your sensitve and intuitive little girl.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Last weekend I overdosed on nicotine. Sunday night I had a bad anxiety attack and shaking. It has gotten a lot better but today (4 days later) I still have anxiety over nothing (i feel that i’m going to die or i feel like i have to make myself breathe). I also have very bad insomnia (waking up 4-5 times a night) and I haven’t been eating much. My mind is not how it normally feels and I’m scared that this is a permanent thing. Is there anything to help me?

A. It would’ve been helpful to have had more details about how you overdosed on nicotine. How did that happen? Was this a one-time event or is this an ongoing problem that you struggle with?

I would highly recommend being evaluated by a mental health professional. The fact that you are heavily reliant on nicotine and experiencing insomnia and overeating likely means that you should receive a professional evaluation. A mental health professional could assess your situation and determine what treatments could best assist you.

You should also consider being evaluated by a medical professional. He or she could determine if there is any damage caused by overdosing on nicotine. The doctor may also provide a medication to assist with nicotine cravings and insomnia. Discussing your concerns with the appropriate professionals would help to reduce your fears. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Earlier this year I started to have tactile hallucinations as soon as i turned to go to bed, It felt like rats crawling on my bed. I have a slight phobia of rats and mice so i thought it was just that. I told my mental health doctor and they upped my seroquel to 1000mg from 200mg.

Since then these hallucinations are getting worse, now its not just bedtime I am constantly seeing a box but i cant see any details although there is some sort of device like an antenna protruding from the top. I also hear children crying and calling my name I try to ignore them but its getting worse and my friends are noticing “looks of terror” in my face.

I no longer drink alcohol but i occasionally smoke marijuana and very rarely take mdma (about 83mg once a year) I tell my doctor but its a different person every time and I freeze up and cant open myself to these people, hell i cant even talk to my long term girlfriend how are my supposed to talk to a complete stranger. Anyway they just write me a script (1000mg seroquel 200mg in the morning 800mg at night). I try to be regular about my sleep pattern always going to bexd at 11 but the meds make me sleep through my alarms or maybe its the fact im laying there for at least 8 hours in terror at what i feel is going all around me which has moved from small sensations on my body to a feeling of being in a busy train station being buffeted from every side.
I cant work, i hardly eat or wash these days im constantly tired and my moods are up and down on a near daily basis, and im no longer sure this is all in my head.

A. The symptoms that you described are concerning. You are taking medication but continue to experience significant symptoms that are disrupting your life. Part of the problem may be that you are not fully reporting your symptoms to your psychiatrist. If your psychiatrist is unaware of all your specific problems, the risk is that he or she will not treat the correct symptoms.

A related issue is that you are taking a high dose of medication which doesn’t seem to be helping. Again, this likely stems from the fact that your psychiatrist is unaware of what is truly going on.

It may also be that you are taking the wrong medication. Finding the right medication or the right combination of medications often involves a great deal of trial and error.

Since it is difficult for you to speak candidly to your psychiatrist, it might be helpful to make a list of your symptoms to take with you to your next psychiatry appointment. You may even want to take this letter to your next appointment. It clearly describes what you have been experiencing. It’s not unusual for patients to bring notes to their appointments. I would recommend it.

It would also be advantageous to consult a social worker or a case manager, in addition to your psychiatrist. They may be able to assist you with your psychiatry appointments in various ways including advocating on your behalf, speaking to your psychiatrist for you, or finding you a new psychiatrist if necessary, and so forth.

Finally, are there friends or family members who can assist you? For instance, perhaps they can attend your next psychiatry appointment with you and speak to the psychiatrist on your behalf. Utilize the support of others around you. I hope that you are able to receive the help that you desire. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I’am a 23 years old male who has a phobia problem. I was wondering if you can help me with my problem. I’ve had this problem for quite a while now but, i’m too embarrassed to share it with anyone because I don’t want anyone to think that I’m some kind of weird person. A few years ago, I watched a movie called saw (film), this movie has so much torture and gory scenes that I couldn’t even watched it properly. I don’t know how anyone could watched and enjoy people being tortured. I wanted to stop watching it but, couldn’t because I paid for the movie ( didn’t want to waste my money) and because I didn’t want my friend to think that I was a scaredy cat. But ever since I watched this movie, I’ve always had a phobia for saws, knives, anything sharp or anything that can be used to torture people. This phobia that I have is affecting my life, I can’t enjoy my life. When I want to do something, it is so hard for me to focus because those images are always in my mind. Just a few weeks ago my sister and my mom shared a video to me, the movie ( or documentary ) was called 127 hours where a boulder fell on a man’s arm and the man had to cut it inorder to saved his life. I could’t even watched this movie, I decided to just read the rest of the story on the internet. This movie made my phobia worst. I can’t stop thinking about the man’s situation. What if I’m in that situation? Will I be able to do what he did? Or How about a scene from saw where a man was chained from his ankle and he had to cut his ankle with a sharp rock in order to save his life and his love ones. Will I be able to do that if my love ones or friends were in danger? So these are things that are always running inside my head. It’s gotten to the point where I won’t even help my mom cook because it always terrifies me when my mom cuts meat. I also have a fear of very enclosed and tight spaces, I don’t know why. Maybe I saw a scene in SAW where a man was imprisoned on a tight space or maybe it was another torture movie, I don’t remeber. i don’t like to watched gory or torture movies but, sometimes there are movies that are not about torturing but there are 1 or 2 scene where a person is tortured. Whatever it is, these problems with sharp objects, torure scenerios and enclosed places must stop but I don’t know how. It’s really effecting my life, I always think about it, when I wake up to the time I go back to sleep. There is always this kind of fear of being put in scenerios where I have no choice but to cut my limbs. I even think about impossible scenerios or scenerios that most likely would never happened like for example a WOULD YOU RATHER SCENERIOS. One of the things that came in my head was, would you rather be alone for the rest of your life with no one to talk to ( no friends, no family, no girlfriend ) or be with the people who you love but there is a catch, you have to cut your whole leg with a small knife. So this is the kind of things that are always running through my head. Can you please help me, I don’t know what to do.

A. What you may have described is anxiety, and more specifically obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) symptoms. The main fear involved with OCD is loss of control. The movies frightened you and specifically led you to fear specific objects. You might fear those objects because you feel as though you may lose control and accidentally use those tools to harm yourself or someone else. Individuals who fear losing control attempt to overmanage aspects of their immediate environment.

The best way to combat fear is to realistically assess the danger in every situation. For instance, you worry about the possibility of being in a situation in which you’re going to have to remove a part of your body. The probability of that happening is extremely low yet you believe it to be a realistic possibility.

When you find yourself obsessed with particular thoughts, it would be helpful to distract yourself. You might try calling a friend, playing a video game, reading a book, exercising, etc. The goal is to stop yourself from unnecessarily focusing on certain thoughts.

I would highly recommend seeing a mental health professional. Anxiety disorders are treatable. They are treated with medication, psychotherapy and often a combination of both. Millions of people who have undergone treatment for anxiety disorders have experienced a significant reduction in their symptoms. When considering a mental health professional, it would be advantageous to choose one who specializes in anxiety disorders, specifically OCD and phobias. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I started seeing my therapist because I was emotionally numb for more than half of my life. I was actually referred to see a trauma therapist by another therapist because she said this feeling was from being physically,verbally, and sexually abused throughout my childhood.

Anyway, the therapy is working and I’m starting to slowly get my feelings back. I learned that I feel depressed and get anxious or afraid a lot. Especially when I’m around people I don’t know and people I do know; especially my therapist. The whole session I can’t stop my heart from pounding. I’ve told her this and we have tried meditation and such but nothing works.

Every session she ask me what is my feeling or mood at the beginning of the session but I’m afraid to tell her for some reason. My heart starts pounding more. I’ve tried everything such as leaving work early to try and calm myself down. I just don’t know how to get over this fear and my therapist is nice and non-judgmental so far. This fear is stopping me from progressing through therapy.

My therapist understands how scared I am and she even said how brave I was to even come. But she can’t help me if I can’t get it out in words. She is patient… but I’ve been having dreams that she abandons me because I’m uncooperative. And that makes me more afraid in therapy.

Any suggestions on how I can overcome this fear.

A. There’s no secret to overcoming fear. It is a complicated process, but to state it simply, you have to force yourself to face your fears.

Without your realizing it, there are many examples of you overcoming your fears. For instance, you were frightened to see a therapist but you did it anyway. It’s important not to minimize your past success.

You may want to consider a different approach to relaying your feelings to your therapist. An alternative strategy would be to write about your feelings and give this letter to your therapist at the beginning of each session. Perhaps she could read it to herself or read it out loud during the session. It might a way to ease yourself into being able to vocalize your feelings.

Writing about your feelings is one option, but the most efficient way to overcome your fear is to simply force yourself to speak, even if it frightens you.

In all likelihood, your dreams are not predictions of the future but rather emotional expressions of your fear. The dreams are telling you what “is” rather than what will be. Those dreams will stop once you have overcome your fear.

An effective approach to overcoming fear is to analyze the situation from a logical perspective. Logically, there is nothing to fear about speaking to your therapist. Therapists are non-judgmental and their sole purpose is to assist their clients in overcoming their problems. Nothing that you could say will offend or surprise or shock your therapist. In fact, your therapist’s office is the safest place to speak your feelings. Your fears about being abandoned have no basis in reality and are unrealistic.

In many ways, it is good that you have asked for help, but by continuing to focus on your fear you risk keeping it alive. Realize that there are many instances in which you have overcome your fears. Have faith in your ability to overcome this fear as well.

Please don’t think I am underestimating how bad fear makes us all feel. It feels so bad that all we want to do is run away. Justified fear can protect us from danger. Unjustified fear can cause us to run away from things that will help us to live a good, meaningful life. Both kinds of fear feel exactly the same way, but with unjustified fear we must try to stay and face our fears.

It seems as though you have made a great deal of progress and it’s important to give yourself due credit. I wish you continued success. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

All my life i have never been able to do what i like to do for the fear of being judged by other people. It has come to such a point that i cannot think for myself, it always has to be “if i do this what will others think”. I have good friends who keep advising me to be more social but my fear gets the better of me. I haven’t had a serious relationship in a long time. I am scared if that if keep being such an introvert i would end up with no life. I have lost all sense of emotions in the last few months and am becoming desperate for companionship and just to be accepted.

A: Thank you for writing in. I wish I could talk to you to clarify how long this has been going on. I do have a few thoughts though. You may have developed social phobia of some kind or another form of anxiety disorder. What you’re describing sounds like more than just “I’m an introvert.” I really think you should get some help from a professional. Watch the video for the rest of this answer.

Take good care of yourself!
Julie Hanks, LCSW

Okay so I have this guy in my head who is putting thoughts in my head, thoughts about self injuring again and all over my body, it gets worse every night.He has been there off and on for almost two years, but this time I don’t think that he will be going away. He was only there when I was having trouble at school with bullies or fears that it would happen again, but i am on summer break right now and he is back. Sometimes I can actually feel him in my head, like there’s a lot of pressure in my head.

Some nights it gets so bad that he makes me walk towards the knives in the kitchen but i walk away and i just end up pacing back and forth trying to keep control. I can’t yell back because when I do I start shaking really bad as he starts trying to take control to show me not to mess with him.
My diagnosis so far is depression and social phobia but I think there is something else wrong with me. I have a appointment with my psychiatrist in a week and two days for a med change.

Now there is more people after me, again, they are a secret government that controls everything. They left me alone for a while but now they are back and I have to wear a scarf to hide my face. Sometimes i feel like others can read my mind so I have to think of something else when I am putting in passwords or listen to music to confuse them.

I just don’t know what to do or what will even help anymore. I mean i try listening to music, watching videos, drawing, spending time with family but nothing seems to help because nothing can really hold my attention anymore.

A; The first thing to do is to see a medical doctor for a complete medical workup. Sometimes delusions like these are caused by things like a vitamin deficiency, an electrolyte imbalance or a brain tumor, to name only a few possibilities. I’d hate to have you go on heavy-duty psych meds if the problem is physical.

If you are medically okay, then you need to take your letter and this response with you when you see your psychiatrist. A psychiatrist relies on you to provide enough information to determine an accurate diagnosis and to work out a treatment plan. Unless you are completely honest about what you are experiencing, your psychiatrist is left to guess – not a good basis for prescribing medicine.

If you do have a mental illness, I strongly suggest that you get started with some psychotherapy as well as medication. You need more relief than meds alone will give you. A therapist can provide you with important support and can help you learn additional ways to cope.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Middle of the night I wake up in a panic and need to check on my husband because I am sure that he died in his sleep. I feel his chest and cannot feel him breathing or a heart beat, I usually shake him or grab him freaking out which wakes him up. Some nights I wake up sobbing other nights my husband has to wake me up because I am crying in my sleep. I have done this with all of my children when they were little and my husband for years now but it was only once in a great while. Now it is much more extreme, at least once a week. I was the day time caretaker of my grandmother who passed away in January and I think that could be the cause of the increase in this anxiety. I need to know what this is and how I can make it stop. Please give me some direction .

A: I’m so sorry this has gone on so long without treatment. What you are describing is an anxiety disorder. Everyone who loves someone has some fears that something will happen to them. But in your case, those fears are in over-drive. I agree that the death of your grandmother probably exacerbated what was already a serious problem. Her death made your fears even more real for you.

I think you should consider seeing a mental health professional who is experienced with anxiety disorders. It might be helpful to take some anti-anxiety medication for awhile just to bring the anxiety down a notch to make it more possible for you to take advantage of talk therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy has been found to be the most useful approach for managing this kind of problem. You will learn ways to stop the negative thoughts and to replace them with reassurances on your own.

Please follow through and get the help you need. You – and your husband – deserve to sleep peacefully.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

im 13 and I’m always scared when i have to present. My hands get all shakey and sweaty and my heart races and i feel like passing out and crying. I tried to kill myself just to get out of presentating. I have to presentate in science class and im scared to death. I wanna miss school but my moms making me go. Whenever i have to go up infront of the class i feel like crying and running out of the room. I hate the way i feel. Taking breath doesnt help and i cant think positive when im scared. There’s always a negative holding me back and thats everything. Im scared of what people will think. I tried killing myself just to get out of this presentation but i stopped before i harmed myself. I feel as if im the only one that goes through it because everyone is brave and talks so confident. I cant take it anymore.

A: I don’t know why some teachers forget that not all children are comfortable being on center stage. Not every kid is able to his or her best work when confronted with 20 or 30 pairs of eyes on them. You are definitely not alone in your feelings.

What you are talking about is stage fright. It’s a real thing. Even great actors often have some version of it. You can learn to handle it but throwing you into the situation you most fear isn’t the best way to teach you. It certainly isn’t worth hurting yourself to get out of it. That only substitutes one hurt for another.

That’s not to say it isn’t useful to know how to talk in front of others. Part of being successful in jobs and in life often means putting your point of view out there. You can learn how to do it. You just need some lessons.

I suggest you show this letter and my response to your mom. My suggestion is that the two of you talk to your teacher together about how scared presenting makes you. Ask if there is another way for you to complete the assignment. Perhaps you could be teamed up with someone who is more self-confident in front of the class. That person can do the talking. You could hold up posters, demonstrate the experiment, or do something else to be helpful.

But meanwhile, you do need some help with the anxiety. Perhaps a few sessions with a drama teacher or coach could help you learn some techniques for managing your fears. Once your teacher understands, she or he may also be willing to provide some practical tips and some support. You don’t want to let fear get in the way of succeeding at things you want to do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I know this is an odd question, but I’m wondering how to deal with the embarrassment of excessive gas within my workplace. Even though my stomach wasn’t bothering me and I didn’t feel myself pass gas, I guess I did and it smelled awful and everyone in the office was horrified, myself included. I didn’t say anything but I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I didn’t go to work the next day and I have no idea how I’m going to show my face and proceed like nothing happened. I’m sure everyone is still talking about it and now I’ll be known as the girl who passes horrific smelling gas and I feel so incredibly anxious that I don’t want to leave my apartment and go back to work. How can I show my face again? I’m so ashamed. It happened completely unintentionally and I get teary-eyed at the thought of having to go back to the office.

A: People will move on to the next thing. You are giving the incident too much power in your life. No one knows for certain it was you, they may feel they were being blamed, and the chances are that it isn’t being talked about at all. It is time to go back, not worry and if the condition persists be sure to have it checked out medically.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I don’t know what to do. I’m so anxious and depressed I can’t even function. I’m able to hold my job, but that’s about it. I’m trying to patch things up with my best friend, who’s a sister to me, because I’ve fallen off the face of the planet for over a month again. I don’t mean to, I just get these times I can’t deal with people. Today I felt so anxious at work I thought I was going to die.

I know I’ve reached a point where I can’t go on any further on my own. I just can’t take the next step to see a counselor. I haven’t even seen a medical doctor in over a decade; I’m so terrified of doctors.

Even if I was able to make an appointment, what am I supposed to do then? I’ve been like this all my life, but it hasn’t disabled me like this before. I think it’s because of the sexual abuse that happened as a child, but I could never admit that in person. How am I supposed to even get better if I’m too much of a coward to admit that? No one ever knew about it. It’s one thing to say that online, but I can’t even begin that sentence out loud in person.

I’m trying to get the courage to call a counselor I saw as a child, but I don’t know her email and every time I try to call her office I panic and hang up. I don’t really know anyone who could help me set up an appointment. I don’t know what to do now. I’m trying to just buck-up get it over with but I just keep shutting down. If I could be brave I could just set up the appointment, but then if I was brave I wouldn’t be so out of control of my own life. Is there anything you can think of I can do to make this easier? I don’t know what else to do, and I’m at the end of my rope. And can you even get better without talking about the past?

A. You have nearly made the appointment but fear has stopped you. Fear is ruling your life.

Make the appointment and keep it. Don’t worry about having to talk about sexual abuse at this point in time. Focus on current issues for now. Focus on the here and now. At this time, severe anxiety is ruling your life. That reality must be dealt with before delving deeper into your childhood issues.

The best way to combat fear and other psychological problems is to focus on reality. Force yourself to focus on what is real. Your fears are based on erroneous thinking. For instance, you are terrified of doctors, but in reality doctors exist for the purpose of healing you. There is no reason to fear a doctor. Don’t allow yourself to believe in an idea that has no basis in reality.

I applaud the fact that you are making an effort to seek help. Just getting to your first appointment should be considered an accomplishment, a step toward your return to happiness. I know that it will be difficult but force yourself to complete the call and go to the appointment. There are no secret tricks. Just get in your car and go, even if you are frightened. Realize that nothing bad can come from seeing a mental health professional. The most likely outcome from attending the appointment is relief and your finally getting the help that you deserve. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I just recently graduated high school and I currently don’t have a job. I spend both day and night inside the house either babysitting, watching TV, or writing on my novel. I don’t really have anyone to talk to besides my family because all of my friends have left for college. I’m beginning to feel pretty alone. Starting last month I have been having indigestion, trouble swallowing, a little bit of nausea, and my thoughts race out of control. Do the symptoms that I feel have anything to do with anxiety or is my boredom causing my mind to create symptoms? The symptoms are starting to happen when I get into a car to the point where I flat out refuse to even get into one. I’m afraid that I have the beginnings of panic disorder. Is this all in my
head?

A: Thanks for writing in. The concerns you’re describing do sound concerning enough to warrant a mental health evaluation. Watch the video below for my complete answer…

Take good care of yourself!
Julie Hanks, LCSW

When i was very young we were burgled whilst me, my parents and brother were in the house at night. After this event i had huge difficulty sleeping and became very anxious of being home alone and sleeping in a room on my own. I was even too scared to go across to my parents bedroom for comfort. I often have to go to sleep with the television on.

I received counseling for this for about 6 months after it happened but did not find it very beneficial. 8/9 years later i am still very afraid of being home alone and we have moved house since. I think i hear noises outside when often there probably isnt. I still have trouble sleeping and often have nightmares of strange people being in the house. I am very cautious of strange people when out in public and am a very shy person. I am nervous when out on my own and try to do everything in company. Often when at home at night i am scared to look out the window incase there is someone there. I make sure all the doors are locked when possible. I am a lot happier in the day than night.

Also, when i hear people speak of experiences of burgularies or bad things happening involving strangers i feel my heart pounding and i can’t control the fear and the feelings just won’t leave my hear so i really wind myself up!

I don’t feel the problem is awful and that something necissarily has to be done. But i feel i am slowly getting more nervous and wondered if there is anything i could do to help this? It would be nice to be more independant and less afraid! I also find myself very reliant on my boyfriend and can’t stand being single. Thank you

A: I disagree. I think this is an awful problem. You shouldn’t resign yourself to living a life in fear. You have every right to be furious with the burglars who stole your peace of mind. You have every right to want a life that isn’t dominated by memories of a traumatic event that happened almost a decade ago.

I know the therapy at the time wasn’t helpful. But please don’t write off therapy. It could be that you and the thereapist weren’t a good “fit” or that your little-girl self wasn’t able to take full advantage of treatment. Look for a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders and post-traumatic stress. A therapist can help you come to terms with what happened and learn new ways to strengthen your ability to cope with life’s challenges.

I also suggest you take a look at David Burns’s book, “Feeling Good.” He talks about ways to manage overwhelming anxiety in part of the book.

I wish you well.
Cr. Marie