I off my meds cause I want to get pregnant. Its been 2 months since I went off my meds. Me and my husband have been wanting to get pregnant for a while now. I really dont want to take any meds while pregnant. I was taking respridone but it stopped my period. Now ive taken dozens of different meds and the only one that worked was respradone. Anyways my psychosis is getting really bad. i have auditory and visual hallucinations and I’m having a hard time telling what’s real and what not real. I’ve never been off my meds for this long. I guess what I’m asking is can you lose yourself so much and not be able to get back to your normal self? Is there a point of no return?

A. Medication can prevent, decrease significantly or eliminate symptoms of psychosis. There is some research that suggests that stopping one’s medication abruptly can trigger a psychotic episode. That may be what’s happened to you. You should not have stopped taking your medication without informing your prescribing doctor. The fact that your symptoms have returned is evidence of the danger in stopping your medication, without informing your doctor.

I would strongly advise you to contact your prescribing physician and report your symptoms. It’s important that your symptoms are stabilized. I understand that you want to become pregnant but you should have made these plans with the assistance of your physician, who could have advised you about how to do it safely. Doing so without the help of your physician is dangerous to your psychological health and for the health of your baby, should you become pregnant.

Please contact your doctor immediately so that he or she can stabilize your symptoms. When your symptoms are stabilized, then you can begin pregnancy planning. You’d be ill advised to continue attempting to become pregnant in the midst of a psychotic episode. Please seek help immediately.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I have always felt different than everyone else. I had never had real friends or anything besides my family (that is, my dad, my brother, and my mom); it’s not that I am myself with them; it’s more like they accept me with all of my eccentricities. I love math and I am currently participating in the Math Olympiad; thanks to it I knew about Aperger. There was a girl in there that was the only one I talked to, but unlike me, she could talk to everyone. One day (it happened two years ago) my father told me that the other girl father’s approached him and asked him if I had Aperger, because he saw me clumsy and antisocial and I remembered him of his daughter (that’s how we discovered that the other girl have Asperger). My father had never heard about this syndrome, so he investigated and told my family about what had happened and the symptoms and everyone began to make jokes about how I have Asperger and how I was even worse than the other girl, that last till this day. I try to ignore the jokes and pretend that I don’t care, but I am always wondering why they do this; if they actually think I have Asperger, and if they do why they had never been interested in trying to find out for sure. I don’t tell them anything because I am not sure if I want to be diagnosed. In a way I think I will feel better if I knew I have Asperger because then there will be a lot of other persons suffering the same thing, and I will feel less alone, but on the other hand, I don’t like been labeled and it would be useless anyway since I don’t think I will accept therapy. I am currently going with a psychologist (I had had three sessions) because of depression and anxiety but one of the things that she also treats is autism, so I been thinking about telling her so maybe she could send me to a professional or something, but I don’t want to sound as if I wanted to have Asperger. Is being diagnosed going to help me feel better? And should I tell my family first about my concerns?

A: I am very glad you are asking the question and writing us here. I think the best place to start now is with your psychologist because your family has not been as helpful as you would have hoped. Talk to the psychologist. She will be able to give your more information about what Asperger’s is, give your some idea of what treatments are available for it, and most important, give you a sense of the range of indicators that are part of making a diagnosis. She is the safest person for you to talk to about it right now.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

It’s not like I’m depressed or anything, I’m not suicidal or self-harming, thats why I haven’t really sought out any help until now. I’m not sad in any way. I’m usually either really happy, or neutral. I used to do well in school. I’d try to ace all my courses, but recently I just really stopped caring. I feel almost like I’ve experienced everything but dying. I’ve been in most cliques at school, I’ve had major and minor surgeries, and I have a lot of medical conditions (that I was forced by my parent to visit the doctor and take care of). I still ,obviously, haven’t experienced everything though. I hardly pay attention to the actions I carry out and how they affect others , the way they react doesn’t bother me. Even though I should care about how they feel,I can’t and I realize it’s hurting my family and the people I’m around and I wish I could care. When my grandfather died a few months ago, I couldn’t even cry. I attended to my grandmother, but I didn’t feel like I lost anything; even though I was close with him. Late February, I adopted a pet, hoping it would pave the way to caring, it doesn’t feel like I’m cherishing the time with it though. It just feels like a responsibility that I must attend to regardless if I want to or not. I have no idea if theres something wrong with me, I just don’t want to live the rest of my life in this grey void. I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just advice.

A. You may be having a normal reaction to difficult life events.

You had both major and minor surgeries, “a lot” of medical conditions and recently lost your grandfather. These are all major life events and all seem to have occurred in close temporal proximity. Virtually anyone would struggle with these issues.

Your medical problems and surgeries could be affecting your mood. Your medical problems may require you to take certain medications, which may also be affecting the way you feel. Virtually all medications have side effects which could produce changes in your thinking and behavior and feelings.

Losing your grandfather may also be affecting your mood. Sadness after the death of a loved one is normal.

Medical problems, surgeries and losing a close family relative will undoubtedly have an effect on your mood and behavior. Therefore, it’s possible that these events are the reason why you are feeling the way you do.

It’s highly unlikely that you will “live the rest of your life in this grey void.” You’re experiencing a difficult time in your life but you will not always feel this way. I would encourage you to share your feelings with your parents. Ask if there’s anything they can do to help. They may offer advice or perhaps suggest counseling. During this difficult time, be open with your feelings and make it your goal to gain as much support as possible. The more support you have, the better you will feel. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

i have been married for 4 yrs and from the first time we had sex he has had problems getting and or maintaining an erection. he has always maintained that it is not me but i am at a loss for what it could be behind this issue. i was hoping that you could offer some insight on possible reasons maybe ideas on underlying issues that could cause this type of long term issues .

A: I’m worried that the ads for ED that drug companies have been putting on television for the last few years have led people to believe that all it takes is their pill to solve this problem. It’s not that simple. One explanation does not fit all. Before deciding on treatment or worrying about who or what is to blame, it’s important to do a systematic analysis.

First, I hope your husband has seen a doctor. Most of the time there is a physical cause, not a psychological one. Some possible medical issues include low testosterone, high blood pressure, atherosclerosis, high cholesterol, obesity, metabolic disorder, diabetes and cardiac disease — to name only a few.

Only after he has been medically cleared should we move to considering a psychological problem. An evaluation by a qualified mental health provider can then be helpful. Psychological problems include stress, depression, former trauma and relationship issues that aren’t being dealt with.

I hope you will encourage your husband to get the assessments he needs. Once he understands the cause of the problem, he’ll be able to decide on treatment so you can both enjoy the tender intimacy you crave.

I wish you well.
Dr, Marie

My 8 year old adopted daughter has had 4 different therapists including neurotherapy. She has yet to have someone really diagnose or help us with exactly her problems. She was adopted at 2 years old and spent the first 2 years of her life being seriously neglected and abused.

Up to this point we have treated each behavior problem individually but recently my husband and I realized they are ALL connected. She exhibits a disconnected behavior from her mind/body. In that she doesn’t seem to care if she is uncomfortable or in pain. She urinates herself at night but also daily. She doesn’t seem to care and yesterday even walked around with feces in her panties. She will wear her pants backwards and will not tell an adult if she is hurt. She will not wipe her face or complain of bad smells. She would sit in the bath and burn herself if the water was too hot rather than complain or try to get out of the bath. She seems to have very little conscience when it comes to other people’s feelings.

One therapist diagnosed her with RAD and another with ADD. She is very manipulative and passive aggressive. My question is without knowing all the other details what type of mental disorder(s) would cause a mind/body disconnect? She seems to not feel pain physically or mentally. She can feel physical pain but does not react to it in a normal way. Please help!

A: How very, very sad. I agree that everything you are observing is connected. What concerns me beyond the lack of reaction to pain is the apparent regression to very primitive behavior.

It is indeed possible that she has reactive attachment disorder. When a child doesn’t have the nurturing and care they need when very little, the child doesn’t have a model for caring, for self-care and for socially normative behavior.

Unfortunately, it’s also possible that your daughter has another mental disorder. Autism, intellectual disability, childhood disintegrative disorder and childhood schizophrenia all include some of the symptoms you describe. That’s just to hazard a few guesses.

Without a clear diagnosis, therapy can’t be helpful. The therapist doesn’t know what should be treated. I urge you to take your daughter to a medical facility that specializes in childhood psychiatric problems. First, she should be thoroughly checked for any medical condition that may be contributing to her behavior. Then she needs to be screened by specialists in childhood psychiatry.

Having a chronically ill or mentally ill child is as stressful as it gets. I hope you and your husband are also getting help for yourselves. Ask your doctor for information about support groups for parents. Often other parents are the best source of information, support and practical help.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I am a soldier who is currently deployed. My wife who is home with our 2 children spends all of our money.
I don’t know what to do with my life, my relationship and family. My wife and I have been married for 5 years now. She is five years younger than I. We have two children. One is about to go through a major surgery for his feet.

She constantly spends all of the money she is given. I pay all of the bills. Which isn’t very much at all. Except I can’t save any money because she spends it all and makes me feel guilty if I don’t give her more. She doesn’t have a job. She doesn’t even have a high school diploma. So a good job for her is out of the question. My son’s surgery is hindering her from getting at least a part time job.

This is my second deployment and I actually extended to do this tour for the insurance. I had hoped to save a lot of money so that when I got out and went home I would be ok for a while. But it doesn’t seem like I will ever be able to do so. We fight all the time. I am always the bad guy. We also have issues with infidelity. I have cheated on her and she on me. It is a love hate relationship. We constantly fight and then make up. But I don’t think I can do it anymore. Please help me. This is just the beginning of my issues.

A: You’re right. The fight over money is only a part of a much larger issue that you two aren’t addressing. You two haven’t figured out how to be a team. Look at all you two are dealing with: Your son needs surgery. Your wife, in truth, can’t work if she is to take care of your son. You have money stress. You are far from home which leaves the daily decisions and child-rearing to a woman who sounds overwhelmed. A sick or injured child stresses even the best of relationships, never mind a relationship that is already in trouble.

I have no idea what the reality of your financial situation is so I can’t really be helpful there. It could be that your wife is being irresponsible. It could be that she is using shopping as a way to comfort herself. It could also be that you don’t have a realistic idea about how much money it takes to run your family. I do know that fighting over money is distracting both of you from far more scary and serious issues — like fidelity, your child’s medical issues, parenting, and managing the stress of deployment.

You two need serious help. The central issue is how to become a team so you can be the kind of parents your children deserve to have. Stop fighting and start talking. Really talking. Put aside the blame game. You’re both at fault. Get some help learning how to communicate and how to deal with differences of opinion without being destructive. If you aren’t getting home soon, see if your wife can arrange for a therapist to work with the two of you via Skype. Encourage her to see a therapist — not because she is the crazy one but because she can more easily get that kind of support. Meanwhile, see your chaplain about what kind of help you can get wherever you are.

Even more important than putting cash in the bank is investing in your relationship. Whether or not you two make a good marriage, you will both be parenting your children for many, many years. Creating a good working relationship now will make that go well for everyone.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

At 14, I’m obviously very young, which makes this so much harder. I’ve been researching and i’ve come to notice I have symptoms of Bipolar Depression – Depression. I don’t know what to do? I don’t want to ask my mom to get me checked out. And who should I go to, a therapist? What do I do? I don’t know who to go to or how. I just feel like i’m worthless and no matter how bad I try I will always be this way. Anything helps.

A: I’m so sorry you are in such pain and that you are feeling so confused and alone.

It may be easier to ask your mom to take you for a checkup with your pediatrician than to ask her to get you a therapy appointment. There are many medical problems that can make a person feel depressed and hopeless. You want to be sure that a medical issue isn’t being overlooked. At 14, you can certainly ask the doctor to give you a few minutes in private – without your mom – to talk about personal issues. Most doctors will respect that and will ask your mother to step outside.

If you and your doctor agree that you are physically okay, your doctor may refer you to a counselor for an evaluation. Your doctor will be your ally with your mom. An hour with a counselor may help you sort out whether you are going through usual, though painful, teenage emotions or if you actually meet the criteria for a mental health diagnosis. Either way, the counselor will make some suggestions about what you can do to feel better.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I once was a very athletic person running for miles every night and training hard for dreams of being a NBA player. My problems started during the summer before my senior year in high school. I was training hard at least 5 hours a day then, at night I would talk all night to my girlfriend not getting any rest.

By the time basketball season started my muscles were tired and in pain every time I did anything physical. I deeply resented the fact I let a girl keep me up all night and keep me from getting rest. I never really have been the same person since.

That was four years ago and I have gotten worse. Here are the symptoms :

1. Tired legs, Ex: Hurts legs to walk up house stairs or can’t lift weights due to muscle fatigue

2. Waking up still tired.

3. Headaches around 12 o clock everyday.

2. Angry and irritable when people are having fun around me.

3. Feeling anger or sadness for no reason when talking to someone.

4. Feels like im about to yell so I talk very low to control myself

5. Feels like there are tears or sadness inside me put if I do cry its like 2 tears and I can’t cry anymore. It does feel good to release some tears though.

6. Sweaty hands and feet when talking to people

7. Feeling disconnected from everyone, even people known for years.

A. You may be experiencing generalized anxiety and depression. Sadness, irritability, low energy, mood instability, and feeling disconnected from others are all signs of depression. Sweating when interacting with others may be a sign of anxiety. Sometimes people sweat in social situations because they are nervous and lack self-confidence.

We shouldn’t forget the possibility of a sleep disorder. Many of the emotional issues that you are describing can come from sleep deprivation.

At the time that you were dating your girlfriend four years ago, you were physically exhausting yourself. You physically exhausted your body during the day and didn’t rest at night. Without that much-needed rest, you didn’t function well. No one could function well in that situation. You resented your girlfriend for “keeping you up all night” but you should have insisted on rest.

You’ve noticed these problems becoming increasingly worse for the last four years. They are obviously degrading your life. I would recommend having a psychological evaluation and a physical exam. Remember, you wrote that you wake up tired. It could be caused by a sleeping disorder. Therapy could be immensely helpful to you. Depression and anxiety are very treatable conditions. Psychotherapy can be highly effective. Medication helps many people. You should not allow yourself to continue to suffer when there are effective psychological treatments available. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

In year 12 of high school I took my cousin to my GP as she did not have a doctor. I have had the same doctor since I was 15 but for some reason I hate that my cousin sees the same doctor as me, even though I took her there to begin with. I was close to my cousin and helped her through a lot, but we drifted apart as she was very belittling of me and always made my confidence take a dive. I have also spent the last ten yrs in and out of hospital for multiple shunt revisions, now my family treats me like I am a child, the only person who supports me and doesn’t treat me that way is my GP, I liked the fact when I saw my doctor I was not relying on anyone else and we have a great friendship (she is a mother of 2 kids), but I don’t know why I get so jealous that my cousin sees her too. Seeing as I took her there in the first place? I have tried talking to my cousin but she just yells all the time. What can I do?

A: Since your GP is so close I would talk to her about the dilemma. She is likely to have had dealings with this type of issue and may have a creative solution – like perhaps having your cousin see a colleague.

The point here is that you need to talk about this with someone and your GP has been your go-to person for a while. I would draw on this relationship.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I was injured in a back country horse back riding incident in October of 2009. I fractured my pelvis on both sides. I went from being very active to living in pain until recently. I found out that a have Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction and Piriformis Syndrome. I am now on Gabapentin and taking a round of steroids which seem to be helping I will also be starting physical therapy next week however I have suffered with this for over 3 years and have felt some depression and sadness over the time. I have had trouble adjusting to my limitations. I have guilt feelings due to my inability to work and help pay my share of the household bills. My son, his wife and 4 children live with us. I try to do my part by keeping the house clean cooking and taking care of the children ages 16, 12, 11, and 7. Yes they pay their part. How can I overcome my sadness in trying to adjust to this?

A: You are asking a great deal of yourself. Of course you have some depression. Chronic pain and the limitations that come with it will do that to a person. I’m impressed that you are engaged in your treatment and that you continue, rightfully, to be hopeful.

I worry that your guilt over being currently disabled is making you push yourself too hard. The body needs rest in between therapy treatments to heal. Do confer with your physical therapist about how much stress you should be putting on your body while you recover.

I do hope that your adult son, his wife and his kids are pitching in with the cooking and cleaning. You shouldn’t expect yourself to be the resident homemaker because you aren’t working for money right now – nor should they all expect you to be. It’s part of being a family to help each other out during challenging times. You would do as much for them. It’s healthy for kids to have regular chores and to have to do some extra tasks when someone is hurt or ill. It teaches them compassion and it prepares them to be competent adults. Even the 7-year-old can contribute by helping to set and clear the table and by making her or his own bed. It would be a positive role model for the kids for your son to do some of the cooking and cleaning. Young people now expect both genders to have homemaking skills.

You can make an equal contribution by reading to the little one and perhaps helping to oversee homework for the others. Giving the kids individual attention is just as important as cleaning house.

You’ve got a big family. As my grandmother used to say, “Many hands make light work.” Your focus needs to be on getting better, both physically and emotionally.

I wish you well in your healing.
Dr. Marie

I am 48, divorced with two grown boys and a granddaughter. One might think what a wonder life. Its not. I have been in medical chronic pain for over 8 years now. My medically issues continue to grow causing a now total of three chronic pain issues. All are different, all three are extremely painful. My life is in my bedroom. there is no cure for what I have.

I love my kids, and I have a boyfriend who supports and helps me. But I am not myself. Being in pain every single day has finally gotten me to the point of considering my quality of life. I spend hours in a day dream or something thinking about how I could take my life without it hurting my family or rather not having my boyfriends or kids walk in on my death.. this is crazy right?

Let me explain. I thought about going into the back yard leaving my dogs in the house, and cutting my wrists allowing the blood to go into buckets so there is no mess for my family to see. I think about taking my car and going super fast and ramming it into those cement things holding up the over pass. Quick, fast instant death that would not only releive my pain, but total the car so my boyfriend doesn’t have to worry about the payment anymore.

I honestly do not want to die, but with no cure, I can’t bare thr thought of living like this for the rest of my life. I can not take the pain anymore. Its always on the high end of the pain scale. Yes I am given pain medication but only just enough to barely take the edge off, its not enough! I’ve cried, screamed, spoken rational to my doctors but its like I am invisable. Wy can’t they hear me that I can’t take it anymore. Doctors are so afraid to give me proper pain control because of the crack down on drug abusers. If I didn’t have pain, I wouldn’t even consider taking this stuff. So I am suffering because a doctor is worried about his license? What about me? Don’t I matter? Are they just keeping me around to bill my insurance? I’m angry yes, mad, yes. Tired of hurting, yes.. I need help! I told my doctor my ideas about suicide, she said, do you think you’ll really do it? I said I don’t want to, but what other option do I have? She took this as I am having suicidal idealation. To me once again, no one takes me seriously. What can I do? Even my boyfriend has said. Honey I am so sorry, I don’t know if I could take what you deal with everyday, but I am so glad your strong. I’m not strong, I can’t even walk without help. Please can you help me?

A. I am sorry to hear about the pain that you have been experiencing. The fact the you are considering suicide as a “way out” is indicative of how much you are suffering.

You are in a gripping depression. Your decision to end your life is being clouded by this depression and your extreme pain. It is important that you seek professional help immediately.

There may be other options that you have not considered with regard to relieving your pain. Hypnosis can provide effective pain reduction. Find the right hypnotist and you could experience a significant reduction in pain.

Other people have reported achieving significant pain relief through the use of medical marijuana. Research the laws in your state. Perhaps your pain physician could provide a referral. If medical marijuana is not permitted in your state, then perhaps you could move to a state where it is legal. In many ways, this is a matter of life and death. Moving to a new state may mean a reduction in pain and thus regaining your life.

If you were to commit suicide, it would mark a negative turning point in the lives of your family. It could be the worst experience of their lives. They may even blame themselves for your suicide. It could affect their lives in other negative ways. Studies have shown that individuals who have had a family member who has committed suicide are more likely to commit suicide themselves.

Many people believe that the only choice for them is suicide. In many cases, they’re experiencing immense psychological pain. In your case you’re experiencing both psychological and physical pain. Persons with suicidal ideation are making assumptions based on desperation and irrational thoughts. The time to make an important decision is not when you’re ill or in mental or physical pain.

Consider exploring the options that I have mentioned above but don’t do this alone. Utilize the support of mental health professionals. They can help and support you at a time when you are most in need of this assistance. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I`m 15 years old I moved from slovakia to England About one Year ago.I get diagnosed with bone cancer 8 months ago.I have no friends here,no one who I can tell how I feel about What I`m going thru right know.I had one friend I told her everything.. but she doesn`t care about it anymore.so all i feel is locked inside myself.I spend whole day in my bed I don`t talk to anyone ,I don`t want to eat All I do is Sleeping..I sleep over all days..I don`t want to be awake because I`m sad,I`m crying for no reasons..I want to die..am I depressed ?? what should I do with myself ? I dont want to be like this..but I can`t help myself ..it`s just too much on me ..please help my ! (sorry for my english I dont speak english very well)

A. Depression is a strong possibility. I would advise you to speak to your parents about how you’re feeling. They need to be aware of this problem. They may be able to assist you but they can’t if they don’t know about your struggles.

You said that you were diagnosed with bone cancer. I’m very sorry. It has to be extraordinarily difficult. Ask your parents to speak with staff from the cancer treatment center about whether there are support groups that you could attend. The guidance counselors at school also may be able to assist your parents in locating support groups. Antidepressants are often given with a serious illness. Talk therapy is more than a possibility, it is a necessity.

The best way to deal with depression is to receive help as soon as possible. Be vocal about your symptoms. Don’t be secretive about this problem. Make your parents and school faculty know that you are depressed and ask for help. Once people know about your depression, they can assist you in receiving the proper treatment. I wish you the best possible luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

Hi, I am very low. I am 42 yrs. old and my father is dying. But the problem I need advice for is my mother can’t stand me, I know I should be used to this; she was no different in my childhood. I go out of my way to earn her love, but am as heartbroken as badly now at 42 yrs. with my own children. Even her tone of voice is ugly when forced to communicate with me. I have lots of things to learn to cope with. I’m ill myself and losing my beloved father, but a setback by mum, is enough to send me into a deep depression. I had a horrific childhood because of her, and I know I can’t change her only the way I react, but never helps, a counselor I used to see told me ‘just because she gave birth to you doesn’t mean she has to like you’. Please can you help me help myself?

A: It can be very hard when the people we need love from the most can’t give it to us. It sounds like you spend your life hoping to get more from your mom than she is able to provide. When the people who were supposed to give us love can’t — or won’t — we need to be able to get it from others. My encouragement is to grieve what you couldn’t get -nor can get from your mom. It is only when we can adequately grieve our childhood needs that we can start to find the love we need from other sources.

It sounds to me like you have other family in your life and I would begin to turn my attention to growing more relationships with others. As you let go of what your mother can’t give it allows you to use your energy to develop friendships and supportive relationships with others.

To make these changes I would strongly recommend you find a support group. Since so your dad is so ill a group that will help with your grieving may be the best place to begin.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I’m a 30 year old mother of two. My depression started after I had my first child. I didnt feel any connection with my daughter, and I still don’t to this day. But the real problem began when I was informed during my second pregnancy, that my child could be born with Down Syndrome, and that he’s got a very severe heart deformity. I was five months pregnant at the time, and I chose to not abort the fetus after the amniocentesis test came back for Down Syndrome. The doctors told me the baby might need an operation after birth to fix what they expected to be a big hole in the wall between his ventricles. In my final trimester I was admitted to the hospital many times because of kidney problems, and when my C-Section was due, the baby was taken immediately to be examined, and what we thought was just a hole in his heart turned out to be something much more severe. He had what they called DILV. Double Inlet Left Ventricle. And they said he needed to have surgery immediately, and so they sent him to another city in a medical airplane when he was only 4 days old to have his first of many surgeries.

My son is 14 months old now, after 2 minor and 2 major heart surgeries, he’s still not even remotely over the bridge, for He will be needing more operations in the near future.

My post partum depression just didn’t seem to go away after his birth, because of his condition. If anything i think its getting worse. I feel exhausted. I feel neglectful of my daughter. I feel scared of what’s to come. I feel it’s my fault he’s suffering now, and that he will never have a normal life. And sometimes when I’m at the end of my tether from exhaustion I think, I wish I never had him. I know I love both of my kids, but the depression is so overwhelming sometimes i wish i had a different life. I don’t have time to scratch my head, let alone consider visiting a psychiatrist. If there is any advise u can give me I’ll appreciate it.

A: If you’ve ever taken a flight, you know that the flight attendants always give a speech before take-off, telling us what to do in the event of an emergency. They tell us that if the oxygen masks come down, parents should put their own mask on first, then take care of the children. They explain that to be helpful to a child, we first have to take care of ourselves or we won’t be any use at all.

You may not think you have time to see a psychiatrist or counselor but that’s exactly what you need to do. You are overwhelmed because the situation is overwhelming. Your son isn’t the only one with a “heart” problem. Your emotional heart is being greatly stressed. Having two young children is stressful for any mom. When one of those children is ill, it’s over the top. Just like parents who need to give themselves oxygen in a flight emergency before they can take care of the kids, you need to give yourself some time each week to get what you need so you can carry on.

One of the many things that concerns me about your letter is that you don’t mention the children’s father or other supportive people in your life. Ideally, more than one adult is involved in a family like yours. You need time to rest. You need someone else to celebrate successes and to be there when there are setbacks. It always helps to have another adult to talk to when big decisions are to be made or to hold hands with during visits to doctors and trips to hospitals. Another adult can also give your older child the support she needs when you are occupied with the baby.

I hope you have some family and friends who can help you. I hope you are not shy about asking for their help. It is only what you would offer if you had a friend in your kind of situation.

Please also ask your doctor if he or she knows of a parent support group for parents of kids with special needs. There is great comfort in talking to other parents who are facing similar challenges. Often other parents know of resources and tips that can help you help your children.

Please do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You deserve more support. Your children deserve a mom who can connect with them and take care of them.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

More than usual I have been obsessed with thoughts of killing myself. More so than any other time in my life. I am currently seeing a therapist once a month for head trauma, depression and total loss of my sense of smell due to head injury. I really can’t talk to him about it because he gets so angry at me when I mention my thoughts of suicide. He thinks I am bipolar and borderline which I had to read up on because I had no idea what it was. All I know is that I can’t go back into the hospital again but the intense feeling to hurt myself is escalating and I am starting to feel so much anxiety and detachment from all aspects of life. I guess my question is, do I change doctors or will things ever get better?

A. It is simply not acceptable for your therapist to become angry when you mention thoughts of suicide. It’s not a professional response. Perhaps there is “more to the story.” You may be correct that he becomes angry but it is also possible that it’s a misunderstanding.

Suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously. They have become an obsession for you. It is important for you to work with a mental health professional with whom you can report your suicidal thoughts. I do not know if things will get better for you with your therapist but if you feel that he can’t help, then you should try a new therapist.

It is possible that you have chosen the wrong therapist. It is also possible that you might be misperceiving your therapist’s response. Be very upfront with your therapist. Be frank. Ask, your therapist if he is angry with you. Tell your therapist how you feel and why your feel that way. Never hold anything back from your therapist. When you withhold information from your therapist you are asking them to be more detective than therapist. It might not be appropriate to tell a friend all that you feel. It might not be appropriate to tell your dentist all that you are feeling but is very, very appropriate to tell your therapist. What I am saying is that your therapist is very unique. He or she deals with emotion. You should share all of your thoughts and feelings with your therapist. If you feel pain in your tooth, don’t share that with your therapist. If you feel fear of going to the dentist to have your tooth fixed, share that with your therapist. He will help you overcome that fear.

I understand that you do not want to be hospitalized but perhaps a short-term hospital stay is necessary to keep you safe. It may not be ideal but it might be necessary to save your life. If you feel that you cannot keep yourself safe, then you must seek emergency services. Change therapists if necessary and ultimately do what you must to keep yourself safe. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog