My 6-year-old daughter has become so contrary! Every answer to every question, (when there is an answer) is negative. She has huge tantrums at school when she feels she has been slighted in any way and becomes violent when reprimanded. She has been kicked out of two extracurricular activities due to her extreme behavior and is becoming isolated from her peers. I just don’t know what to do anymore. She has never been abused or neglected, and I have been as consistent as possible but it’s like she doesn’t care what happens to her at all. I am very worried about her. What is going on? How can I help her?

A: Thank you for writing. You are right to be worried. When there is a sudden change in behavior, it usually indicates that something is very wrong, either medically or psychologically.

It’s always important to check out the possibility of an undiagnosed medical problem so the first thing to do is to make appointment with the pediatrician. Another possibility is that she has been hurt by someone and is scared to tell you about it or doesn’t know how. You know she hasn’t been abused or neglected by you but are you sure that she hasn’t been hurt by someone else?

Rather than scold, correct or punish your daughter, I think you need to have a quiet and heartfelt talk with her. Explain that you are very, very worried about the change in the way she is acting. Tell her that sometimes when people don’t know what to say, they act out their problem. Is she angry about something? Afraid? Sad?

One useful question to ask is this: “How would things be different if you couldn’t have a tantrum?” Sometimes the answer to that question gives us insight into what is bothering a kid.

The key in this is to be as calm, caring, and supportive as you know how to be — no matter what she says. She is only 6. You are 35. You can keep your head even if she can’t keep hers. If she is negative, simply stay with her and ask what else she has to say. Reassure her that you love her and that you want to help.

Once you have more information, you may be able to figure out how to be more helpful to her. If not, I suggest you find a family therapist. You and her father, if he is in the picture, need to learn new ways to support, encourage, and help your daughter. It’s important to lay down a good foundation now so that the rest of her childhood and teen years are not filled with strife and stress.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I have always felt different than everyone else. I had never had real friends or anything besides my family (that is, my dad, my brother, and my mom); it’s not that I am myself with them; it’s more like they accept me with all of my eccentricities. I love math and I am currently participating in the Math Olympiad; thanks to it I knew about Aperger. There was a girl in there that was the only one I talked to, but unlike me, she could talk to everyone. One day (it happened two years ago) my father told me that the other girl father’s approached him and asked him if I had Aperger, because he saw me clumsy and antisocial and I remembered him of his daughter (that’s how we discovered that the other girl have Asperger). My father had never heard about this syndrome, so he investigated and told my family about what had happened and the symptoms and everyone began to make jokes about how I have Asperger and how I was even worse than the other girl, that last till this day. I try to ignore the jokes and pretend that I don’t care, but I am always wondering why they do this; if they actually think I have Asperger, and if they do why they had never been interested in trying to find out for sure. I don’t tell them anything because I am not sure if I want to be diagnosed. In a way I think I will feel better if I knew I have Asperger because then there will be a lot of other persons suffering the same thing, and I will feel less alone, but on the other hand, I don’t like been labeled and it would be useless anyway since I don’t think I will accept therapy. I am currently going with a psychologist (I had had three sessions) because of depression and anxiety but one of the things that she also treats is autism, so I been thinking about telling her so maybe she could send me to a professional or something, but I don’t want to sound as if I wanted to have Asperger. Is being diagnosed going to help me feel better? And should I tell my family first about my concerns?

A: I am very glad you are asking the question and writing us here. I think the best place to start now is with your psychologist because your family has not been as helpful as you would have hoped. Talk to the psychologist. She will be able to give your more information about what Asperger’s is, give your some idea of what treatments are available for it, and most important, give you a sense of the range of indicators that are part of making a diagnosis. She is the safest person for you to talk to about it right now.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

It’s not like I’m depressed or anything, I’m not suicidal or self-harming, thats why I haven’t really sought out any help until now. I’m not sad in any way. I’m usually either really happy, or neutral. I used to do well in school. I’d try to ace all my courses, but recently I just really stopped caring. I feel almost like I’ve experienced everything but dying. I’ve been in most cliques at school, I’ve had major and minor surgeries, and I have a lot of medical conditions (that I was forced by my parent to visit the doctor and take care of). I still ,obviously, haven’t experienced everything though. I hardly pay attention to the actions I carry out and how they affect others , the way they react doesn’t bother me. Even though I should care about how they feel,I can’t and I realize it’s hurting my family and the people I’m around and I wish I could care. When my grandfather died a few months ago, I couldn’t even cry. I attended to my grandmother, but I didn’t feel like I lost anything; even though I was close with him. Late February, I adopted a pet, hoping it would pave the way to caring, it doesn’t feel like I’m cherishing the time with it though. It just feels like a responsibility that I must attend to regardless if I want to or not. I have no idea if theres something wrong with me, I just don’t want to live the rest of my life in this grey void. I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just advice.

A. You may be having a normal reaction to difficult life events.

You had both major and minor surgeries, “a lot” of medical conditions and recently lost your grandfather. These are all major life events and all seem to have occurred in close temporal proximity. Virtually anyone would struggle with these issues.

Your medical problems and surgeries could be affecting your mood. Your medical problems may require you to take certain medications, which may also be affecting the way you feel. Virtually all medications have side effects which could produce changes in your thinking and behavior and feelings.

Losing your grandfather may also be affecting your mood. Sadness after the death of a loved one is normal.

Medical problems, surgeries and losing a close family relative will undoubtedly have an effect on your mood and behavior. Therefore, it’s possible that these events are the reason why you are feeling the way you do.

It’s highly unlikely that you will “live the rest of your life in this grey void.” You’re experiencing a difficult time in your life but you will not always feel this way. I would encourage you to share your feelings with your parents. Ask if there’s anything they can do to help. They may offer advice or perhaps suggest counseling. During this difficult time, be open with your feelings and make it your goal to gain as much support as possible. The more support you have, the better you will feel. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

My boyfriend has an anger issue n I have been the victim for a long time. We both live together and he finds silly reasons to get angry on me or hit me even. He is mean in every way he can be but when I say I will him he apologizes and gives me fake promises. It’s really getting hard for me to take it but I cannot leave him as I feel pity on him, as he has no other family. I need help to cure his problem.

A: Thank you for being so courageous as to write us here at Psych Central. Many times when I get an email with a question there are two sides to consider and it is rare that I make direct suggestions someone should do to change. Your email prompts a very different response. You need to find a way to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

I have considerable experience in working with angry men in domestic relationships. They are typically not motivated for change, promise they will treat their girlfriends better, but never do, and often escalate until there is a serious medical or legal problem. You deserve more than to be in a relationship out of pity, and he will not learn how unacceptable his behavior is until he loses someone he says he cares about. In other words, you staying allows him to remain unchallenged with his problem. It is time to go.

But do not go without support. Anger management issues with men often involve issues of control and jealousy. In your country you may want to get support from your family and church about how to go about getting out of the relationship. In general the men do not change until something drastic happens – like their girlfriend leaves them.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Hello my name is luke, my mother is going down hill fast including anti social and chucking items away and not eating she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and other things in life and it is getting to the point where i’m ripping my hair out from stress.I woke up this morning to find the coffee table has been chucked away all my stuff from the lounge room is gone I brought her a new bed and she doesn’t want to sleep in it she sleeps on the lounge from about 10pm to 1pm no movement she doesn’t go out or do anything she won’t help her self or let anyone help her. i’m 20 looking after my mother and the house I have no life. I can’t have a girlfriend and if I have friends over she gets angry at them. what should I do? Move out and let her be by herself? or put her back in mental hospital???

A. While I understand your frustration, I would advise against moving out and “letting her be by herself.” I also don’t think putting her “back in the mental hospital” is advisable or even possible unless there is evidence that she is in grave danger because of her behavior or illness.

You mentioned that she wasn’t sleeping and eating, two signs which may be indicative of a psychotic episode. The fact that she’s not eating may mean that she does need to be in the hospital to protect her safety. If that is the case, then it is imperative that you call emergency services or do what is necessary to ensure that she is evaluated at a hospital.

Your mother needs more help than you or any other family member can offer. That seems clear.

If this is not an emergency situation, then contact the local community mental health center, the local hospital, her doctor if she has one, or any other psychiatric or medical professional who you think could refer you to the proper services. There may be home health care services that could assist in your mother’s care. There may be residential living facilities or group homes in which she could be better cared for by a trained, professional staff. Your goal at this point should be to find the best possible treatment for your mother.

Also consider contacting other family members who may be able to assist you. I hope that you’re able to find the proper assistance for your mother. She is clearly not well and you shouldn’t be managing this problem alone. Utilize the assistance of others if possible. I sympathize with your situation. Caring for a family member with a serious mental illness can be an overwhelming task and few lay people realize this. You almost have to live through it to know what it is like. I know that you did not exaggerate when you said you “have no life” of your own.

Hopefully, your mother will improve. You should see a counselor to help you through this process and period in your life. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I have been seeing a married man for almost 2 months now. We work together and have been friends for two years. He and his wife are no longer happy together, but neither of them want to be alone. We recently have gotten very serious and he has decided that he is going to move out of his home and into an apartment. During this time we want to try to see if our relationship is really love or simply lust. I understand that by doing this I am hurting his wife and I don’t want to hurt anyone, it’s not who I am, but I’ve never felt this way about someone before.

Not only do I feel bad about the fact he is married and cheating but I also feel awful lying to my family about the situation. I know it is my private life but I hate lying to my family. I don’t think I will stop seeing him even if advised to. The real issue I’m having a hard time with is lying to my family. Is if ok to lie to my family about my situation or not? Please help me I’m so confused and anxious.

A: There’s a difference between lying and keeping your personal life private. But I don’t think that’s the real question here. The reason you are feeling so anxious about sharing your relationship with your family is that you know in your heart that this situation isn’t going to end up anything but bad. You are with a guy who is cheating! You know that there is something wrong with a guy who will cheat rather than deal with his marriage honorably. That means seeking some counseling or separating cleanly, not sliding into a relationship on the sly with a younger woman. Further, you are violating your own values. You say you aren’t the kind of person to hurt someone else but you are doing exactly that.

An important part of being an adult is being able to make good choices in spite of our feelings. Little kids go after what they want because they feel like it or because it feels good. Adults are able to delay gratification in order to meet longer-term goals.

If this guy truly loves you, he’ll resolve things with his wife and do some personal work to learn from a breakup before he asks you to move in with him. If you love yourself, you will take a huge step back. Are you really willing to betray your own values in order to be with a man who isn’t man enough to deal with things in a mature way? Think about it.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I have been in a committed relationship for 1.5 years to a man that truly loves me. He has 3 daughters 22,18,16. I have a 19 year old daughter who lives with me. We moved in together then 3 months later his 18 year old moved out of her mom’s house and moved in with us. His 22 and 16 lives with their Mom in another state. His daughters are disrespectful, rude, pretend I don’t exit and truly unappreciative. The 16 year old visits as much as she wants, and for as long as she wants. Things got worse and eventually my boyfriend and his 18 year old daughter moved into their own apartment.

All I have been to these girls is kind, nice and generous. I have treated them no different than my own daughter. A couple of things that bother me that I don’t know how to deal and I need help. When I am around them, they completely ignore me like I don’t exist. My boyfriend still talks to me,and he says don’t pay attention to them but I think their actions are extremely rude.

The next thing that really bothers me is that they talk about my daughter and I on social media. Especially the youngest(16). She doesn’t say my name, but everyone knows who she is talking about. She says that she honestly cannot believe he is still with me and that I believe that I should come first before his own kids and this is not TRUE!

They have caused so much stress to our relationship and my sanity I have decided to disengage from these girls.I will be cordial, say hello, but will no longer seek their approval. What advice can you give me to help me with what I am experiencing? This is the most horrible situation I have ever experienced.

I love this man and luckily he is on the same page as I am and I have his support. He has confronted them about how they treat me and remind them that I only have treated them with respect and love. Please help me because when I go and visit their apartment all I feel is anxiety and stress. We plan on getting married in the next 6 months but I do not know how to deal with his awful disrespectful daughters. Thank you!

A: I’m so, so sorry for the stress and distress this is causing you. It must be wonderful to find someone to love again. It must be awful to be targeted on Facebook and to be so badly treated by girls you were prepared to love.

As difficult as it is, please don’t take their behavior personally. It’s probably not about you. You are the symbol that their parents are never going to get back together. They are loyal to their mom. They want life to go back to the way it was. As soon as you moved in with their dad, they knew that the breakup of the family was indeed permanent and they hate it.

You don’t have to be a “mom” to these girls. As you know, they have a mom and they don’t need another one. Hopefully, they will eventually let you be an adult friend. Meanwhile, all you can do is be yourself and stay cordial. You don’t need their approval.

What you do need is for their dad to step up and give you more active support. He may have “confronted” them with words but from the sounds of it, he’s a bit of a doormat with their behavior. There don’t seem to be any meaningful consequences for their disrespectful behavior.

How is it that the 16-year-old gets to come and go as she likes, regardless of her behavior? How is it that she’s allowed to keep a cellphone if she uses it to hurt you? It seems to me that he should be telling her that if she wants to visit, she needs to be at least polite. She doesn’t have to love you but she does need to treat you as she would any guest of his who is important to him. Ditto for the 18-year-old. How is it she just moved in? He can let her know in no uncertain terms that staying at his place means treating you well.

I hope you will insist, for your own sake and the sake of your daughter, that your boyfriend take charge of this situation before you marry him. There needs to be a significant change now or you will never feel welcome and at peace in your own home if they are around.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My 8 year old adopted daughter has had 4 different therapists including neurotherapy. She has yet to have someone really diagnose or help us with exactly her problems. She was adopted at 2 years old and spent the first 2 years of her life being seriously neglected and abused.

Up to this point we have treated each behavior problem individually but recently my husband and I realized they are ALL connected. She exhibits a disconnected behavior from her mind/body. In that she doesn’t seem to care if she is uncomfortable or in pain. She urinates herself at night but also daily. She doesn’t seem to care and yesterday even walked around with feces in her panties. She will wear her pants backwards and will not tell an adult if she is hurt. She will not wipe her face or complain of bad smells. She would sit in the bath and burn herself if the water was too hot rather than complain or try to get out of the bath. She seems to have very little conscience when it comes to other people’s feelings.

One therapist diagnosed her with RAD and another with ADD. She is very manipulative and passive aggressive. My question is without knowing all the other details what type of mental disorder(s) would cause a mind/body disconnect? She seems to not feel pain physically or mentally. She can feel physical pain but does not react to it in a normal way. Please help!

A: How very, very sad. I agree that everything you are observing is connected. What concerns me beyond the lack of reaction to pain is the apparent regression to very primitive behavior.

It is indeed possible that she has reactive attachment disorder. When a child doesn’t have the nurturing and care they need when very little, the child doesn’t have a model for caring, for self-care and for socially normative behavior.

Unfortunately, it’s also possible that your daughter has another mental disorder. Autism, intellectual disability, childhood disintegrative disorder and childhood schizophrenia all include some of the symptoms you describe. That’s just to hazard a few guesses.

Without a clear diagnosis, therapy can’t be helpful. The therapist doesn’t know what should be treated. I urge you to take your daughter to a medical facility that specializes in childhood psychiatric problems. First, she should be thoroughly checked for any medical condition that may be contributing to her behavior. Then she needs to be screened by specialists in childhood psychiatry.

Having a chronically ill or mentally ill child is as stressful as it gets. I hope you and your husband are also getting help for yourselves. Ask your doctor for information about support groups for parents. Often other parents are the best source of information, support and practical help.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia at age 15 but the doctors at the mental hospital did not even bother to look into the problem very well they just diagnosed me after my 2nd admission because i was hearing voices and seeing demons in the dark. Now im 19 years old and its gotten a lot worse but its not just paranoia and hallucinations anymore now i also seem to have hard time understanding things i could be told one thing and i will understand it all wrong and by the next week i will have completely forgot it and i have extremely hard time learning.I also cant seem to remember anything about my own life recently i started having visions of my past and not being sure if its real or not i ask mother and she verifies that it did happen exactly how i saw it so is my memory returning and why in visions? I now remember i always had this memory problem since a child but not to such a severe extent also showed many of the childhood schizophrenia symptoms but everyone always just passed it off as normal child behavior so i never got the treatment that could of prevented this.I seem to do unusual things like repeat a series of movements over and over completely unaware of it while its going on until i finally realize what i’m doing and stop or i will just begin to repeat weird sounds out loud over and over for absolutely no reason then stop and carry on like nothing happen until days later i’ll realize what i did.And i have these delusions that seem so real i jump from delusion to delusion from thinking im being watched by everyone in the world threw cameras in home and being listened to threw bugs in my phones and t.v, thinking tv shows are based on my life thinking music artist music is based on me or made to send me a secret message, Or thinking im the devils son and its my rightful place to rule the underworld and because i’m his son i have been given the gift of telepathy this ones hard for me because i will hear voices of loved ones talking to me as if i really am talking to them they have their personality and everything so i believe i have this unique power no one has because i’m the devils son. its all so real it has me left confused what is real and whats not i get reality confused with none reality and vice versa i also cant show emotions correctly if i show them at all.Also ever since i was a child always been very anti-social i was forced to socialize at school but rarely hung out with people outside of school until i was expelled then it all went down hill because i was always alone they began telling me to do awful things to others so that caused to pull away from others even the slightest thing would throw my mind into sick mood were demons would graphically explain to me what to do to the individual i began to like the idea of doing these things so i withdrew from everyone for everyone including my own safety it helped to stay away after awhile it went away but now i’m used to being alone but its not healthy i dont even trust my own family very much because of what the voices tell me and it seems like when they tell me something they have so much prove on the delusion if its even a delusion.I have been able to master the skill of hiding this disorder i could be losing my mind inside and hide it so it appears nothings going sometimes i will show no symptoms besides not having the ability to learn and understand the world around me but it does not stay dormant very long. I need you therapists opinion what exactly is happening to me and how much worse will it get. oh and i didnt add the meds never really helped me all they did was sedate me severely to the point of me not functioning they said it would go away but i was on them for year and a half of nothing but switching them over and over.So all im asking for is an honest opinion on whats happening with me and maybe some actions i can take thank you.

A. I’m sorry you’re experiencing so much distress. It seems as though you are experiencing symptoms of psychosis. It’s not clear from your letter whether or not you are currently taking medication. You did say that you’ve been on and off of medication but nothing seems to have worked. If you’re currently not on medication, then in all likelihood it would be the case that you are experiencing psychosis. You have many of the signs including delusions, hallucinations, hearing voices, experiencing paranoia, and so forth. These symptoms need to be controlled. Medication is typically needed to decrease or eliminate symptoms of psychosis.

I understand that medication can make you feel sedated. Many people have this complaint. It is a matter of finding the right medication in the right dosage. For many people, this takes time and a concerted effort on the part of the treating physician and the patient. My advice is to find a psychiatrist whom you trust and who is willing to take the time to find the right medication for you. Once you find the right psychiatrist, ask him or her to start you on a low dose of medication and adjust it accordingly, depending on your symptoms and how you react to the initial dose.

You may also want to consider going to the hospital. You may or may not be a candidate for admission but a hospital stay would allow a team of doctors to assess your symptoms, attempt various medications and adjust the dosage accordingly. The ultimate goal would be to stabilize your symptoms and find a medication that you could tolerate.

It’s also important for individuals with schizophrenia to live in a stress-free environment. Some theories of schizophrenia suggest that stress has the potential to cause psychotic episodes. We know that in many cases, it exacerbates one’s symptoms. Ideally, you should always be attempting to decrease or eliminate stress. You should also be searching for the right psychiatrist who could assist you in finding a medication you can tolerate.

Finally, I would also recommend gaining support. Is there a family member who could assist you? Try to gain as much support as possible. It might be difficult for you to navigate the mental health system when you’re experiencing symptoms of psychosis. Ask your family members or those who are willing to assist you to help you gain access to the proper mental health treatment. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I feel like crying all the time and I’m not able to concentrate on any task or talk to someone.
My sister got divorced after a 2 year marriage and it has been 2 years and still she is not able to recover from the trauma. Our financial status was not also not so good since childhood due to problems in my father’s job.Also,we do not get any support from our father either psychological or financial since many years. My sister’s earning since almost 9 years. I have done a professional course but am not settled as of now in my career.
Having faced so many problems at age of 23,these days m feeling too low. I don’t feel like talking to anyone and always feel like crying.

Pl help asap!!

A: I am sorry you are having so many difficulties in your family and I deeply appreciate the fact that you don’t want to talk to someone, but felt comfortable enough to write to us here at Psych Central.

It sounds like there are many factors with your family that you do not have control over. During times like these the most reasonable response is to focus on your own growth and needs. Self-care is perhaps the most important task you can invest in for yourself.

My advice is to build on the courage you displayed here by reaching out to a counselor or clergyperson to begin discussing your options. Writing us here was a very good first step.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I am engaged to the man of my dreams but his mother and I can’t seem to get along. Sometimes we are fine, but for the most part we are screaming and fighting with each other. She has a drug problem and steals from us a lot. She also has another son and treats him way better then my fiance and it bothers us big time! I try my hardest to reason with her and get along but it will be good for a day and then its right back to fighting, I want to get along but I am worn out and feel out of options! What can I do to stop this vicious cycle that’s putting a big strain on our relationship?

A: Why are you making this so complicated? Just drop your end of the fight. Don’t set her up to steal from you by having her anywhere near things worth stealing. Don’t respond to provocations. You can’t change her. You can’t make her love your guy as much as she loves his brother. You can’t make someone who is an addict and behaves like one want to clean up her act.

Talking, reasoning, screaming, and cajoling won’t work. You can’t reason someone out of unreasonable thinking. If she tries to pick a fight, all you need to say is something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I don’t agree so let’s move on.” If she persists, simply, quietly and calmly leave! Don’t give in to the temptation to start a fight by moralizing, preaching, begging her to be nice or scolding her. As you’ve pointed out, it discourages you both even further.

It’s the relationship with your fiance that is your first consideration. If he can’t back you up in staying out of the fights, you have another problem. I hope he learned long ago what I’m trying to tell you. It’s up to his mother to decide to change. He can’t do it for her. You can’t succeed any more than he can. Hopefully at some point she’ll understand that she is losing the chance to have a wonderful relationship with her son and new daughter-in-law and will get herself into treatment. Until that time comes, all you can do is lovingly and calmly detach from the whole thing.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

hi, i am married last week. It is an arranged marriage . my husband is my relative whom i called brother till last year. though i like him,whenever he touch me i am afraid. he is pushing me into sex. i am a virgin so am bit afraid and also when ever he tries to talk to me i become angry and snaps at him. i avoid sleeping with him. i feel like i am tied down. i want to make my family happy. what should i do?

A: I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Sex goes with marriage. Your husband’s expectations are not unreasonable. What is unreasonable to me is that you were entered into a marriage so unprepared to be fully a wife. Of course you are scared! Since you two couldn’t get to know each other before you married, you do need to find a way to get emotionally and physically comfortable now.

To get some idea of how to answer your question without using American standards, I did what most people do these days: I went on the Internet. Here’s the most sensible suggestion I found:

“Some traditional cultures which practiced arranged marriage had conventional routines for introducing sexuality into the couple’s new life together. For instance, the Sanskrit Kamasutra of Vatsyayana recommends a multi-day courtship sequence for newly married couples beginning with complete sexual abstinence and progressing through specified forms of romantic wooing to actual sexual activity.”

I hope that you and your husband can work on this together. Arranged marriages can and do work. But it takes a willingness to be sensitive to each other, to listen to each other, and to be willing to make the effort.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I am sorry to bother you, you probably get stuff like this all the time. Sorry. I um…theres definitely something up. With me. Ive always been nervous around people, but its getting worse. Thats not it though. Um…my brain feels weird, and sometimes I get really scared of the thought of even going outside, to school, etc. I feel really bad. Ill be happy then not. I think someone says my name or whispers but no one did. But it happens when no one is around too. I feel like im being watched a lot and occasionally like someone is reading my mind, then I really freak out. I zone out often to “wake up” kind of confused, wondering for a second where I am, or amazed that I am there. Time is weird too. Half an hour is only a minute or two. Or the opposite. My one friend that knows all of this, said one time I thought there were bugs, the techno listening kind, and that my step dad was a spy for my evil adoptive father (he really is evil), and i said i couldnt trust any one, that i almost turned on him but he convinced me otherwise. I remember it differently though. My brain, sometimes thoughts just kind of stop, like they floated away. Talking is crazy. Ill think I said it real clear but nobody replies. It either mumbles or is gibberish like this: Maybe wejlkdjfalkdfjcmk. I hope that makes sense. My brain is being weird now so this is difficult to. Daydreaming a lot and weird dreams all of the time, and figures in the dark and cool spots, like ghosts, noises. I get really scared. I just spaced and can’t really continue this. Im sorry again. Oh. But i have trouble concentrating, i didnt used to. And remembering things. I really dont ever feel like doing the things Im suppose to or should do.

A. Symptoms such as “zoning out,” waking up confused, and daydreaming are potentially symptoms of disassociation. You also seem to be experiencing symptoms such as hearing voices, paranoia and anxiety. Those are concerning and unusual symptoms.

If your parents are unaware of your symptoms, please inform them immediately. Ask them if they would schedule you an appointment with a mental health professional for an evaluation. The fact that you are having difficulty making sense of words may be indicative of a possible medical problem. For that reason, you should also consider having a physical examination to rule out any possible medical conditions.

Sometimes, teens don’t feel as though they can speak to their parents. They fear that their parents will not take them seriously. If you feel that you cannot speak to your parents, then go to the school guidance counselor, or another trusted member of your school’s faculty. Report your symptoms and ask if they would speak to your parents on your behalf. It’s imperative that you do not ignore your symptoms and find a way to receive the proper psychological assistance. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

Hi, Im wondering if what I went through was physical depression. When I was 7 my mother died and after that I would get sick almost everyday, it got better over the years and by the time I was 12 I was fine. Im 13 now and would just like a response to whether or not I suffered from Physical depression. Thank you :)

A: It sounds to me like you were grieving in the way that sometimes little kids do. I’m sorry no one helped you make sense of it at the time. Time does heal us after a loss. I’m so sorry you lost your mother so young and I’m glad you are feeling better now.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I am very confused right now. I don’t know if I am happy because I always feel like something is missing in my life and I know I shouldn’t ask for more. I was adopted when I was 3 years old by a single middle aged woman, she’s often not home due to work and we’re not in good terms. I was told I was adopted when I was younger. My grandma always talks about how bad my father is and how he destroyed my real mother’s life. I thought that she was exaggerating first but when I met him, he wasn’t what I thought he should be. The idea of a father is not him at all. He has a new wife that said and my other siblings are with him. I hated him more, because my mother died of giving birth and here he is having a new wife. I don’t want to talk to men or adults because I figured that they’re the same as my father-selfish. When I started in highschool I came to conclusion that they’re not all the same. So I tried talking to them at least but still have problems talking to them sometimes. I have friends but sometimes I feel that we’re not friends, because they don’t understand me. Maybe because they have a complete family and they’re happy. I never really cried to them, and anyways they’re so slow so they will never understand that. I always cry alone, I dunno why.. out of loneliness or envy? It’s just that my life is better now than from my father but why do I seem to want to be reborn and have a normal happy family?

A: It’s understandable that you are looking for reasons for your unhappiness but you’re looking in all the wrong places. Your adoptive mom works to support you both. You have as “normal” a family as anyone else does. Very, very few families look and act like the families you see on reruns of old 1950s and ’60s sitcoms (you know: Mom in dress and pearls, Dad in suit, two to three kids all happy, happy, happy). Your father probably is more complicated than you give him credit for. All men are not alike. But you’re a smart girl. You know all that.

So let’s get to your question: Why are you are confused, alone, and unhappy? Partly it’s because you are going through the normal adjustment of adolescence. I know. That’s not a very satisfactory answer. But the truth is that your body is changing and most kids go through emotional turmoil while that is happening – at least for a little while. You don’t have much control over that piece – although you could talk to your doctor to make sure everything is going normally. Sometimes a thyroid imbalance, for example, makes things worse.

The other piece, you do have control over. You are alone and lonely because you’re not with people. However shy you may be, the “cure” is to get involved in something that you really care about with other people. Do you love animals? Maybe there’s an animal rescue group near you. Are you interested in music? Join a chorus or start a band. Do you love working with kids? Think about getting involved with an after-school program or some other activity where you could work with little ones. Are you interested in kids with special needs? I bet there’s an organization near you that works with them. By giving of yourself and by working side by side with others, you’ll start to find people who are more like you and meaning for your life.

Meanwhile, you also have some control over your relationship with your mother. Find two or three positive things to say to her every day — regardless of whether you think she deserves it. By going to work every day, she is providing for you. She adopted you because she really, really wanted you. She didn’t have to do it. She’s probably as confused and upset about your relationship as you are. You are both dealing with the teen years for the very first time. You’re both learning. Most parents have just as difficult of a time with it as their kids do, though in different ways. If you take the initiative and work to change the tone in your house a bit, you may be surprised and pleased with what happens.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie