I might be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, but I don’t know. It might be Bipolar Disorder as well. I have a lot of mood swings, that can last a week at least, and sometimes a month. My moods varies between depression/anxiety with extreme suicidal thoughts and self-harm tendencies and “normal” episodes when I’m mildly happy and enthusiastic, but some other days I can be normal, not really depressed nor euphoric or something, but it generally doesn’t last much. The other day I may wake up depressed as well as enthusiastic and full of hope. It’s not stable at all.
You may say that I have the typical signs of a Bipolar Disorder, but my mood swings doesn’t last much you know, I mean today I’m happy the next day I’m sad and life goes on. My happy moments are usually alternated by sad moments when I feel like crap or when I’m extremely irritable and nervous. They say that Bipolar disorder usually works through episodes that last from 6 months to a year, literally, and that’s what makes me quite suspicious.

I looked through Wikipedia and social forums for Borderline personality disorder and it appears to be that I have many symptoms of the illness, including fear of abandonment, chronic feelings of emptiness, impulsivity, risky habits (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, wasting money) rage and anger.
I also have dissociative syndrome where I don’t know who I am anymore, I feel as if I’m getting out of my body, I sometimes feel very distant, too. Like a ghost. Like I’m not sure if I’m actually HERE or not, ALIVE or not. It’s really stressful. I also confuse my dreams with reality and have paranoid tendencies.

A: Of course it would not be possible to make an accurate diagnosis via an email query, but I am glad that you are taking the time to ask about your well-being. I can understand the concern and think getting a professional—a psychiatrist or psychologist –to help you sort through the symptoms would be a very good idea. The find help tab at the top can be of help in locating someone in your area.

But I would also want you to be aware of your strengths. You have listed the symptoms that trouble you and the possible diagnoses, but what are the strengths you have that have given you the resilience to cope and to seek answers to help you heal? While you are looking for a label for the condition I would also invite you to look at your strengths. Here is a link to the VIA character strengths survey which is free and can help you identify these features in your life.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Every so often, i dont know why, but i get extremely sad and everything i hate about myself, everything i worry about and all my fears and thoughts I surface themselves and I can’t get them out of my brain. Recently, I was in this state of mind and I realized I have been hurting everyone I’ve ever cared about in my life, after googling a few things, I came across “Fear of emotional Intimacy” articles and such. I took the FIS test and scored a 150..which i guess is not very good. And never in my life had anything made more sense than this fear, it fits my past and current actions and thoughts exactly… and i know for a fact that this is one of the things I may be suffering from, if not the only thing. My question is, how do I overcome this fear and how do I know if this is something that I may need therapy for.

A. It is possible that you do have a fear of intimacy, especially after having had read about it and the description resonated with you. However, allow for the possibility that you may have incorrectly diagnosed yourself. You took a test that confirmed a fear of intimacy but how valid is the test? I would caution you against self-diagnosis. It’s possible that you are wrong.

In your letter, you described having periods of depression and anxiety. You did not detail why you thought you had a fear of intimacy. All I can conclude from your letter is that you may be experiencing depression and anxiety.

Self-diagnosis is problematic. The layperson is not trained to evaluate psychological conditions. Mental health professionals receive years of advanced training to learn these skills. It’s also important to carefully and critically evaluate the materials you are reading on the Internet. It’s good practice to bring these materials with you should you decide to be evaluated by a mental health professional. The mental health professional could evaluate these materials as well as your symptoms and determine if you have a psychological problem.

If you continue to have periods of depression and anxiety, then you should be evaluated by a mental health professional. Undergoing an evaluation will help to determine whether or not you have a fear of intimacy or anxiety or depression. Should the evaluation uncover psychological problems, your therapist will develop a treatment plan to assist you in eliminating your symptoms. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I have always felt different than everyone else. I had never had real friends or anything besides my family (that is, my dad, my brother, and my mom); it’s not that I am myself with them; it’s more like they accept me with all of my eccentricities. I love math and I am currently participating in the Math Olympiad; thanks to it I knew about Aperger. There was a girl in there that was the only one I talked to, but unlike me, she could talk to everyone. One day (it happened two years ago) my father told me that the other girl father’s approached him and asked him if I had Aperger, because he saw me clumsy and antisocial and I remembered him of his daughter (that’s how we discovered that the other girl have Asperger). My father had never heard about this syndrome, so he investigated and told my family about what had happened and the symptoms and everyone began to make jokes about how I have Asperger and how I was even worse than the other girl, that last till this day. I try to ignore the jokes and pretend that I don’t care, but I am always wondering why they do this; if they actually think I have Asperger, and if they do why they had never been interested in trying to find out for sure. I don’t tell them anything because I am not sure if I want to be diagnosed. In a way I think I will feel better if I knew I have Asperger because then there will be a lot of other persons suffering the same thing, and I will feel less alone, but on the other hand, I don’t like been labeled and it would be useless anyway since I don’t think I will accept therapy. I am currently going with a psychologist (I had had three sessions) because of depression and anxiety but one of the things that she also treats is autism, so I been thinking about telling her so maybe she could send me to a professional or something, but I don’t want to sound as if I wanted to have Asperger. Is being diagnosed going to help me feel better? And should I tell my family first about my concerns?

A: I am very glad you are asking the question and writing us here. I think the best place to start now is with your psychologist because your family has not been as helpful as you would have hoped. Talk to the psychologist. She will be able to give your more information about what Asperger’s is, give your some idea of what treatments are available for it, and most important, give you a sense of the range of indicators that are part of making a diagnosis. She is the safest person for you to talk to about it right now.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

It’s not like I’m depressed or anything, I’m not suicidal or self-harming, thats why I haven’t really sought out any help until now. I’m not sad in any way. I’m usually either really happy, or neutral. I used to do well in school. I’d try to ace all my courses, but recently I just really stopped caring. I feel almost like I’ve experienced everything but dying. I’ve been in most cliques at school, I’ve had major and minor surgeries, and I have a lot of medical conditions (that I was forced by my parent to visit the doctor and take care of). I still ,obviously, haven’t experienced everything though. I hardly pay attention to the actions I carry out and how they affect others , the way they react doesn’t bother me. Even though I should care about how they feel,I can’t and I realize it’s hurting my family and the people I’m around and I wish I could care. When my grandfather died a few months ago, I couldn’t even cry. I attended to my grandmother, but I didn’t feel like I lost anything; even though I was close with him. Late February, I adopted a pet, hoping it would pave the way to caring, it doesn’t feel like I’m cherishing the time with it though. It just feels like a responsibility that I must attend to regardless if I want to or not. I have no idea if theres something wrong with me, I just don’t want to live the rest of my life in this grey void. I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just advice.

A. You may be having a normal reaction to difficult life events.

You had both major and minor surgeries, “a lot” of medical conditions and recently lost your grandfather. These are all major life events and all seem to have occurred in close temporal proximity. Virtually anyone would struggle with these issues.

Your medical problems and surgeries could be affecting your mood. Your medical problems may require you to take certain medications, which may also be affecting the way you feel. Virtually all medications have side effects which could produce changes in your thinking and behavior and feelings.

Losing your grandfather may also be affecting your mood. Sadness after the death of a loved one is normal.

Medical problems, surgeries and losing a close family relative will undoubtedly have an effect on your mood and behavior. Therefore, it’s possible that these events are the reason why you are feeling the way you do.

It’s highly unlikely that you will “live the rest of your life in this grey void.” You’re experiencing a difficult time in your life but you will not always feel this way. I would encourage you to share your feelings with your parents. Ask if there’s anything they can do to help. They may offer advice or perhaps suggest counseling. During this difficult time, be open with your feelings and make it your goal to gain as much support as possible. The more support you have, the better you will feel. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

My boyfriend has an anger issue n I have been the victim for a long time. We both live together and he finds silly reasons to get angry on me or hit me even. He is mean in every way he can be but when I say I will him he apologizes and gives me fake promises. It’s really getting hard for me to take it but I cannot leave him as I feel pity on him, as he has no other family. I need help to cure his problem.

A: Thank you for being so courageous as to write us here at Psych Central. Many times when I get an email with a question there are two sides to consider and it is rare that I make direct suggestions someone should do to change. Your email prompts a very different response. You need to find a way to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

I have considerable experience in working with angry men in domestic relationships. They are typically not motivated for change, promise they will treat their girlfriends better, but never do, and often escalate until there is a serious medical or legal problem. You deserve more than to be in a relationship out of pity, and he will not learn how unacceptable his behavior is until he loses someone he says he cares about. In other words, you staying allows him to remain unchallenged with his problem. It is time to go.

But do not go without support. Anger management issues with men often involve issues of control and jealousy. In your country you may want to get support from your family and church about how to go about getting out of the relationship. In general the men do not change until something drastic happens – like their girlfriend leaves them.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I had the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia with depressive affects and I am still on medications, but I am seeking help to stop my weird behaviors as well as emotional hypersensitivity. I like being requested to go for counseling/ therapy/ medical interviews/ check-ups/ pressured into sex (I will even daydream about the process), I am an obsessive knuckle and joint cracker for no reason (whether in public or private), I get anxious or excited easily, I self-pity sometimes and enjoy it, and I always weep when I am alone after being criticized (should I try not to). Am I lonely and why? (Does that mean I need more emotional attachment and should seek marriage) Hope to get some input and advice from you. Thank you very much.

A. Perhaps some of your behaviors could be considered “weird” but some would not. You like being requested to attend treatment and being pressured into sex. What exactly do you mean by “being requested?” It may be that when someone requests that you attend treatment, you interpret it as them caring about you.

You also characterized your desire to “be pressured into sex” as being “weird.” Sometimes people have fantasies about being the submissive partner during sexual relations and this fantasy is relatively common. If I were interviewing you in person, I would ask you to explain in more detail what you meant by “being pressured.” Without that information I cannot characterize your behavior as being “weird” or not.

Obsessively cracking your knuckles and joints, being anxious and easily excited and crying alone after being criticized, may be indicative of anxiety. I would need to know how often these issues arise and in what situations, to determine if they are outside the norm. For instance, what do you mean by obsessively? Every day, all day? Only when interacting with certain people?

Without being able to gather more information about the aforementioned issues, it is difficult to provide an accurate assessment of the problem. I would recommend talking about this with your mental health professionals to determine if there is a problem. Only a mental health professional who interviews you in person could answer your specific questions and determine whether or not there is a problem. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I started a criminal life early, spending most of my 20′s behind bars. I never learned how to be somebody or even be in a relationship sober or that did not feel like a hostage situation. Years later(present), I came across an acquaintance of mine that came to see me in the hospital when I had a tumor removed, and well we have been spending some time together. We have kissed and I couldn’t believe that he kisses just the way I like. He listens to my type of music, we have the same believes and outlook on many things in general. It seems that he is my soul mate. I want to get closer and be with him a lot but I am insecure about my body because of scares and how gravity has taken over my body. I see myself playing stupid junior high games and I get jealous or made when he does not call or text. How can I grow out of this insecurity?

A: I deeply admire your courage for speaking about your past and getting focused on the present. I think it takes a good deal of bravery to honor your struggle. In this relationship there are three major influences. The first is the fact that you are feeling so many positive and engaging emotions that they may in and of themselves overwhelm you. Second, this is a new relationship and it doesn’t sound like you have had a sober relationship in your life. This could be quite unsettling and undermine you as you learn the dance of intimacy. Finally, this comes at a time when you are struggling for your personal identity; who you are, and what your contribution is going to be in the world. The confluence of these factors make for a difficult time.

As you mentioned in your profile along with this letter that you are in college I would highly recommend you find a counselor on campus and talk to him or her about your concerns. This will be the fastest and easiest way to get some help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I’ve always been self-conscious about my body. When I was 13 I gained a lot of weight and I realized I was getting stretch marks. I didn’t really care back then, but when I turned 17 I noticed that I had stretch marks everywhere. I developed bulimia and anorexia at age 17.I believes I didn’t want to lose weight but I wanted to get rid of my stretch marks. Well, when I turned 18 I started self-harming to cope with all the hate I felt for myself.
I quit studying 2 years ago. I no longer have a social life or even get out of my room. When I do go out, I feel like a freak. I see all those beautiful girls with their gorgeous bodies, and how men turn their necks to see them. I feel awful, Inferior, useless and worthless. I have made my mind that no man will ever love me and I don’t allow myself to be happy.

It has come to a point where I’ve tried to commit suicide and do drugs because I’ve stopped caring about myself. Coming to realize that I’ll die alone. I have no propose, dreams or plans for the future cause I feel useless. Some people may think that it’s not serious and that I shouldn’t worry about it, but I can’t. I have no control over this. It’s too much hate on myself. I quit studying; I have literally no friends at all. I’ve been to a psychiatrist before, but my mom says I don’t need one. No one in my family knows about this body issue I have and how it ruins my life.

I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I need help, but my mom refuses to get help for me cause she says I’m normal. I hate it when people compliment me cause I feel bad for myself.

I am exhausted. Mentally and physically, I feel old, tired and depressed. I no longer sleep at night and I rarely eat.

A: I am sorry you are having so much trouble with your self-image. But I do think that there are several things that you can do to gain support and feel better. The first thing I would do is look for an Overeaters Anonymous meeting in your area. These meetings are free and meet following 12-step principles on managing your food. Beyond the education you get at such meetings, you get a strong sense of fellowship of the members who attend. I think this gives you the best first place to begin.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I guess she is my ex now, but I was in a reasonably serious relationship with a women about 20 years my senior (a subject that came with its own issues). She grew up around Redfern and Randwick in Sydney around the 70′s and 80′s in that time as a kid she did drugs and kicked around with some real dangerous and unstable thugs. It makes for a compelling story when spoken in detail. However despite how much we loved spending time with each other and how genuine our love for each other was. Her occasional anecdote about transporting heroine flipped a circuit in my brain, it feels like Neutron Bomb detonates in my head and I get stuck on furious! I can’t understand why this offends me? This was in the past, she has a good life and she’s buried that part of her. So why am I feeling like I have to fight my own hand to stave off slapping someone that I would never EVER HURT!

(This next section is just a bit of background it may help)

I was born in Sydney but moved to the Gold Coast when I was young, unlike my ex I was raised by loving parents (though separated). While my parents were both cops I was never exposed to any of the harsh realities of the real world. I learnt alot about life by learning from the mistakes of others (feel free to condescend to me about that). While my ex grew through experience.

So if anyone can shed some light over why I become undone by something that happened years before I was born by someone who didn’t know any better.

A: You grew up in a law enforcement household. While I am sure you did not have to manage the personal struggles of coping with unsavory elements in society, my guess is that you heard stories of how your mom and dad had to cope with people like your lover. This would make sense. Your parents’ livelihood and discussion probably led to you to have an opinion about those who break the law. Although your girlfriend broke the law she seems to have transcended her past and evolved into a good citizen. That is likely why you’re okay with her in the present moment, but furious about her past.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I feel like crying all the time and I’m not able to concentrate on any task or talk to someone.
My sister got divorced after a 2 year marriage and it has been 2 years and still she is not able to recover from the trauma. Our financial status was not also not so good since childhood due to problems in my father’s job.Also,we do not get any support from our father either psychological or financial since many years. My sister’s earning since almost 9 years. I have done a professional course but am not settled as of now in my career.
Having faced so many problems at age of 23,these days m feeling too low. I don’t feel like talking to anyone and always feel like crying.

Pl help asap!!

A: I am sorry you are having so many difficulties in your family and I deeply appreciate the fact that you don’t want to talk to someone, but felt comfortable enough to write to us here at Psych Central.

It sounds like there are many factors with your family that you do not have control over. During times like these the most reasonable response is to focus on your own growth and needs. Self-care is perhaps the most important task you can invest in for yourself.

My advice is to build on the courage you displayed here by reaching out to a counselor or clergyperson to begin discussing your options. Writing us here was a very good first step.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

hi, i am married last week. It is an arranged marriage . my husband is my relative whom i called brother till last year. though i like him,whenever he touch me i am afraid. he is pushing me into sex. i am a virgin so am bit afraid and also when ever he tries to talk to me i become angry and snaps at him. i avoid sleeping with him. i feel like i am tied down. i want to make my family happy. what should i do?

A: I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Sex goes with marriage. Your husband’s expectations are not unreasonable. What is unreasonable to me is that you were entered into a marriage so unprepared to be fully a wife. Of course you are scared! Since you two couldn’t get to know each other before you married, you do need to find a way to get emotionally and physically comfortable now.

To get some idea of how to answer your question without using American standards, I did what most people do these days: I went on the Internet. Here’s the most sensible suggestion I found:

“Some traditional cultures which practiced arranged marriage had conventional routines for introducing sexuality into the couple’s new life together. For instance, the Sanskrit Kamasutra of Vatsyayana recommends a multi-day courtship sequence for newly married couples beginning with complete sexual abstinence and progressing through specified forms of romantic wooing to actual sexual activity.”

I hope that you and your husband can work on this together. Arranged marriages can and do work. But it takes a willingness to be sensitive to each other, to listen to each other, and to be willing to make the effort.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I am sorry to bother you, you probably get stuff like this all the time. Sorry. I um…theres definitely something up. With me. Ive always been nervous around people, but its getting worse. Thats not it though. Um…my brain feels weird, and sometimes I get really scared of the thought of even going outside, to school, etc. I feel really bad. Ill be happy then not. I think someone says my name or whispers but no one did. But it happens when no one is around too. I feel like im being watched a lot and occasionally like someone is reading my mind, then I really freak out. I zone out often to “wake up” kind of confused, wondering for a second where I am, or amazed that I am there. Time is weird too. Half an hour is only a minute or two. Or the opposite. My one friend that knows all of this, said one time I thought there were bugs, the techno listening kind, and that my step dad was a spy for my evil adoptive father (he really is evil), and i said i couldnt trust any one, that i almost turned on him but he convinced me otherwise. I remember it differently though. My brain, sometimes thoughts just kind of stop, like they floated away. Talking is crazy. Ill think I said it real clear but nobody replies. It either mumbles or is gibberish like this: Maybe wejlkdjfalkdfjcmk. I hope that makes sense. My brain is being weird now so this is difficult to. Daydreaming a lot and weird dreams all of the time, and figures in the dark and cool spots, like ghosts, noises. I get really scared. I just spaced and can’t really continue this. Im sorry again. Oh. But i have trouble concentrating, i didnt used to. And remembering things. I really dont ever feel like doing the things Im suppose to or should do.

A. Symptoms such as “zoning out,” waking up confused, and daydreaming are potentially symptoms of disassociation. You also seem to be experiencing symptoms such as hearing voices, paranoia and anxiety. Those are concerning and unusual symptoms.

If your parents are unaware of your symptoms, please inform them immediately. Ask them if they would schedule you an appointment with a mental health professional for an evaluation. The fact that you are having difficulty making sense of words may be indicative of a possible medical problem. For that reason, you should also consider having a physical examination to rule out any possible medical conditions.

Sometimes, teens don’t feel as though they can speak to their parents. They fear that their parents will not take them seriously. If you feel that you cannot speak to your parents, then go to the school guidance counselor, or another trusted member of your school’s faculty. Report your symptoms and ask if they would speak to your parents on your behalf. It’s imperative that you do not ignore your symptoms and find a way to receive the proper psychological assistance. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

I am very confused right now. I don’t know if I am happy because I always feel like something is missing in my life and I know I shouldn’t ask for more. I was adopted when I was 3 years old by a single middle aged woman, she’s often not home due to work and we’re not in good terms. I was told I was adopted when I was younger. My grandma always talks about how bad my father is and how he destroyed my real mother’s life. I thought that she was exaggerating first but when I met him, he wasn’t what I thought he should be. The idea of a father is not him at all. He has a new wife that said and my other siblings are with him. I hated him more, because my mother died of giving birth and here he is having a new wife. I don’t want to talk to men or adults because I figured that they’re the same as my father-selfish. When I started in highschool I came to conclusion that they’re not all the same. So I tried talking to them at least but still have problems talking to them sometimes. I have friends but sometimes I feel that we’re not friends, because they don’t understand me. Maybe because they have a complete family and they’re happy. I never really cried to them, and anyways they’re so slow so they will never understand that. I always cry alone, I dunno why.. out of loneliness or envy? It’s just that my life is better now than from my father but why do I seem to want to be reborn and have a normal happy family?

A: It’s understandable that you are looking for reasons for your unhappiness but you’re looking in all the wrong places. Your adoptive mom works to support you both. You have as “normal” a family as anyone else does. Very, very few families look and act like the families you see on reruns of old 1950s and ’60s sitcoms (you know: Mom in dress and pearls, Dad in suit, two to three kids all happy, happy, happy). Your father probably is more complicated than you give him credit for. All men are not alike. But you’re a smart girl. You know all that.

So let’s get to your question: Why are you are confused, alone, and unhappy? Partly it’s because you are going through the normal adjustment of adolescence. I know. That’s not a very satisfactory answer. But the truth is that your body is changing and most kids go through emotional turmoil while that is happening – at least for a little while. You don’t have much control over that piece – although you could talk to your doctor to make sure everything is going normally. Sometimes a thyroid imbalance, for example, makes things worse.

The other piece, you do have control over. You are alone and lonely because you’re not with people. However shy you may be, the “cure” is to get involved in something that you really care about with other people. Do you love animals? Maybe there’s an animal rescue group near you. Are you interested in music? Join a chorus or start a band. Do you love working with kids? Think about getting involved with an after-school program or some other activity where you could work with little ones. Are you interested in kids with special needs? I bet there’s an organization near you that works with them. By giving of yourself and by working side by side with others, you’ll start to find people who are more like you and meaning for your life.

Meanwhile, you also have some control over your relationship with your mother. Find two or three positive things to say to her every day — regardless of whether you think she deserves it. By going to work every day, she is providing for you. She adopted you because she really, really wanted you. She didn’t have to do it. She’s probably as confused and upset about your relationship as you are. You are both dealing with the teen years for the very first time. You’re both learning. Most parents have just as difficult of a time with it as their kids do, though in different ways. If you take the initiative and work to change the tone in your house a bit, you may be surprised and pleased with what happens.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I have been married for 10.5 years now and we have 2 amazing children. About three years ago my wife approached me and said that she was basically done with the relationship unless I changed things. I feel that I have changed those things and she still is very up and down about how she feels about me. I am absolutely lost as to what to do. I still love her very dearly and want us to continue on, she wants to try separation to see if she can handle doing it all alone and to see if she appreciates me more. I have suggested counseling again but she seems unwilling with that as well. What do I do when I want to keep moving on and working on it but she is not? She tells me that her biggest issue is that she doesn’t think that she is putting me first, which in some ways I agree with, but I understand the type of person that she is and that is not her. She gets so focused on the task that nothing else is going on around her. What do I do to save my marriage?

A: I can appreciate the struggle to save your marriage. This can be a very difficult time for couples to work through, yet I believe the information for each other is the case. Although you wife has made it clear that she does not want to go to couples therapy, I believe there are some viable options that are worth pursuing. If she is indeed looking for a separation then the mechanics of that may be best understood through a one-time appointment with a marriage counselor. This can help with the details of keeping yourselves separate while taking care of some of the functional matters such as paying the bills.

A one-time meeting with a marriage counselor sometimes allows the couple to sort through their issues with a third party present. When I make this proposal to my individual clients it is couched in the idea that it is for only one session; that you’re going just to get things out on the table and squared away. This often becomes an attractive option because it is an ongoing therapy and yet has an opportunity to open up that possibility or simply take care of the mechanics of the separation.

The second suggestion is to look for a couples weekend designed for an intense encounter for the two of you. These workshops are often held on a regular basis and typically have trainers who have good credentials if the workshop has been running for a while. Go online, find workshops that are in your area and gather some information about what may be involved in these workshops. Often couples that cannot withstand ongoing therapy may be greatly helped by an intense workshop.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I am 21 years old girl and I’ve got much interest in psychology. So sometimes I doubt that I’m assuming all problems and in real I’m OK. Summarizing all issues, I have trust problem so I’m very reserved. I am survivor of suicide and also committed self injury many times. Many people who claimed to love me, betrayed me so I don’t trust anybody now. My close ones never value me the way I do. I recently broke up with my best friend and also ignoring my other friends. I think it’s the only way to protect myself from being triggered for self injury and suicide. But I am still feeling abandoned and worthless. I don’t know I fixed it or made it even worse…

A: The best thing for you to do is to see a psychologist or a mental health counselor for an evaluation. I often tell my students that if they are interested in psychology, it’s important that they experience what it is to be a client. We all have issues. If we’re going to be helpful to others, it’s very important we understand ourselves and know how to keep those issues from intruding on our understanding and helpfulness to others. Being a client for awhile also teaches us in a profound way what it feels like to be on the receiving end of therapy.

You have some important things to work out. It sounds like you have a difficult time tolerating big feelings and trusting others. You’ve been so hurt in your life that your only solution for dealing with pain is to distract yourself with pain you control (self-injury and suicidal actions). In therapy, you would identify your strengths and use them to gain self-confidence and improve your self-esteem so that you can risk connecting with others again. You would learn how to cope with your feelings and how to transform them.

I think you made an important first step by putting your thoughts into this email. Now take the next one and make an appointment with a counselor. You have important personal work to do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie