I fantasize about killing people in extreme detail. My most recent “fantasy” (I don’t prefer saying fantasize because I feel that people assume I like it.) was of me going to school with a gun and a camera and I would go to my home room class and close and lock the door behind me. I have everyone get into a corner and ask them what they think their problems are (I am recording from this point on). When they get done telling me I go through and tell them their problems. I kill them one by one and then point the camera at myself. I go about talking about my own problems and then kill myself. I don’t feel that I would ever do this I’m just wondering if this much detail is normal.

A. Your fantasies are abnormal and potentially dangerous. The most dangerous aspect of fantasies is that they allow the preplanning of an event. At this time, you have not carried out this plan but it is concerning that you are preoccupied with such violence. I would highly recommend that you report these fantasies to your parents or the school administrators so that you could receive the proper mental health treatment.

Having a fantasy is not illegal. You have done nothing wrong but your fantasy is indicative of the fact that something is troubling you. Often, people who fantasize about harming others feel out of control or powerless. Their fantasies often involve a situation in which they are in complete power. These fantasies might be a way to compensate for a perceived lack of power.

By telling your parents or school administrators, they can assist you in gaining access to mental health treatment. Counseling would allow you to uncover what is wrong and why you would want to hurt people. It can also help you to correct your thinking and feel better about yourself and your abilities. Please do not ignore my advice. Seek help immediately. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

My boyfriend has an anger issue n I have been the victim for a long time. We both live together and he finds silly reasons to get angry on me or hit me even. He is mean in every way he can be but when I say I will him he apologizes and gives me fake promises. It’s really getting hard for me to take it but I cannot leave him as I feel pity on him, as he has no other family. I need help to cure his problem.

A: Thank you for being so courageous as to write us here at Psych Central. Many times when I get an email with a question there are two sides to consider and it is rare that I make direct suggestions someone should do to change. Your email prompts a very different response. You need to find a way to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

I have considerable experience in working with angry men in domestic relationships. They are typically not motivated for change, promise they will treat their girlfriends better, but never do, and often escalate until there is a serious medical or legal problem. You deserve more than to be in a relationship out of pity, and he will not learn how unacceptable his behavior is until he loses someone he says he cares about. In other words, you staying allows him to remain unchallenged with his problem. It is time to go.

But do not go without support. Anger management issues with men often involve issues of control and jealousy. In your country you may want to get support from your family and church about how to go about getting out of the relationship. In general the men do not change until something drastic happens – like their girlfriend leaves them.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I guess she is my ex now, but I was in a reasonably serious relationship with a women about 20 years my senior (a subject that came with its own issues). She grew up around Redfern and Randwick in Sydney around the 70′s and 80′s in that time as a kid she did drugs and kicked around with some real dangerous and unstable thugs. It makes for a compelling story when spoken in detail. However despite how much we loved spending time with each other and how genuine our love for each other was. Her occasional anecdote about transporting heroine flipped a circuit in my brain, it feels like Neutron Bomb detonates in my head and I get stuck on furious! I can’t understand why this offends me? This was in the past, she has a good life and she’s buried that part of her. So why am I feeling like I have to fight my own hand to stave off slapping someone that I would never EVER HURT!

(This next section is just a bit of background it may help)

I was born in Sydney but moved to the Gold Coast when I was young, unlike my ex I was raised by loving parents (though separated). While my parents were both cops I was never exposed to any of the harsh realities of the real world. I learnt alot about life by learning from the mistakes of others (feel free to condescend to me about that). While my ex grew through experience.

So if anyone can shed some light over why I become undone by something that happened years before I was born by someone who didn’t know any better.

A: You grew up in a law enforcement household. While I am sure you did not have to manage the personal struggles of coping with unsavory elements in society, my guess is that you heard stories of how your mom and dad had to cope with people like your lover. This would make sense. Your parents’ livelihood and discussion probably led to you to have an opinion about those who break the law. Although your girlfriend broke the law she seems to have transcended her past and evolved into a good citizen. That is likely why you’re okay with her in the present moment, but furious about her past.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My boyfriend is a year and a half younger than me so i knew going into it that i might have issues with him being a bit immature in certain areas of our relationship, but when we first started dating he was my perfect guy. After two and a half years he’s still an amazing guy but there are things that are ruining our relationship and I’m not sure if I’m just being impatient or if its just not going to work.

He was engaged when he was 20. Obviously way too young and it didn’t work. I was in a 7 year relationship with a guy that treated me amazingly but never tried hard enough to get me a ring, though he promised for years, and towards the end I was paying for everything because he just wasn’t responsible and unreliable. I fell out of love and now am wondering if I’m wasting my time yet again.

My boyfriend now of two and a half years goes to school so I appreciate that because I can’t seem to get that part of life together. I just hate school with passion due to severe social anxiety. So I don’t mind being the one who helps pay for most of the bills since I bartend and make a good amount of money. Knowing that in the future he’ll have a good job is a wonderful feeling.

My problem is that he works but doesn’t bring in enough to pay for much plus he’s been saying he wants to buy me a ring and I can’t see that being possible anytime soon. I know I shouldnt care what people think but I don’t want to look like an idiot again and people are always asking why we aren’t engaged yet. It makes me feel like people think no ones ever going to want to marry me.

So here are my main issues. His credit is terrible because he’s so irresponsible with bills. He’s like a child I have to check up on to make sure he’s paid things on time. The few bills he does pay he has a hard time paying on time. He got a new credit card to build his credit again and doesn’t seem to care about it because he says he forgets and is busy with everything else. I can’t be in a relationship with another guy that doesn’t take me seriously even though he says he does.

He gets upset when I get mad at him and has even punched holes in doors because he gets so mad. He’s a quiet guy and keeps things bottled up and every once in a while when I get mad he just goes crazy. It’s disturbing because I can’t have children with a guy that acts like that. Ive threatened to leave him if he ever does it again and he has been much better about controlling himself but the irresponsible behavior with credit and trying to get me a ring is driving me nuts!!

He’s so great in every single other aspect of our relationship. Hes genuinely just a good soul. He’s so unbelievably attractive and adores me. I love this man and can’t imagine life without him but I can’t look like an idiot again with no ring on my finger and his irresponsible behaviors. Is this normal for people to go through things like this in a relationship and how long should I wait for a ring. I know there’s no perfect guy and I don’t expect him to be perfect. I know I’m not perfect but I feel like if he really cared I would have a ring by now especially since he knows how important if us to me. With no credit it’s gonna be impossible for a loan and he’s not bringing in enough money to pay straight cash. Am I bring selfish?

A: If you were sure about this guy being marriage material, you wouldn’t care if he made a ring out of a paperclip. It looks to me like thinking about a ring is a great distraction from some much more important issues. He’s not a “bit” immature. He’s a lot immature. At 25, he’s still being irresponsible about such adult responsibilities as paying his bills and managing his credit. When he gets mad, he throws tantrums. He sounds like he’s about 14 years old and you are being put in a mother role. Please. You deserve far better.

Many couples take turns making the lion’s share of the money for the two of them so each can pursue school or some other goals. But it can only work when the person who is on the receiving end of the financial support is appreciative and shows it by doing as much as she or he can to contribute. That includes being careful with the money that does come in. Your guy doesn’t even manage paying his own bills on time!

However charming he is, I do suggest you take a big step back. Move out, stop paying his way, and let him fend for himself so he can experience the consequences of being so disinterested in how money comes and goes. Otherwise, how is he ever going to learn? If he cleans up his financial act, then you can enjoy his other qualities without putting your financial future on the line. Same thing goes for his temper. If he is only controlling himself because you’ve threatened to leave him. He has some personal work to do. He needs to learn self-control because that’s what adults do.

You aren’t being selfish to want him to man up. But I do think you are fooling yourself if you think he is mature enough to think about marrying.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I had a silent miscarriage and found out at my 12 week scan that I was no longer pregnant a few weeks ago. Not even 48 hours after finding out the worst news of my life that killed me inside my sister decided to rub it in my face that she was now pregnant and having everything I want. She makes out she feels bad and she’s there for me but she never has been before so why now. I’m very close to my mum but since I lost mine and my sister is now pregnant I seem to have been pushed out the picture. I have a very strong hate for my sister now and my mum is being very stressed with me and doesn’t seem to think about my feelings because all she ever talks to me about is my sisters baby and it being her first grandchild. I feel as though MIT baby that I carried didn’t mean anything to them what breaks my heart when I think of it. I’m still very upset about loosing my baby and cry myself to sleep a lot. I try to talk to my mum but she just says be nice she’s your sister. Well where was my sisters kindness when she shattered my life into a million peaces in a second I’m her sister to where was her speech about being nice. I have always been to nice for my own good so when everyone asked me how I was about it I said I was fine because telling the truth wasn’t going to change anything just make me look heartless. Now I wish I had told people because now I would feel so depressed. To make matters worse my sister has had a few problems living with her boyfriend so now she has moved onto my mums drive in a caravan so now I have no chance of going to my mums to talk without my sister being there what upsets me even more. I can’t talk to my partner about things my mum has said as he gets upset that they hurt me and starts hating her and that hurts me because I love my mum so much. I just don’t know what to do. I work at the same place as my sister so not only so I have people talking about my sisters baby at my mums all the time I get it at work off staff and customers. Most of witch didn’t know I was pregnant as I was keeping it quite till my twelve week scan that they keep asking me about it and give me a break down at work. I have been feeling very closed off from everyone and I can’t seem to shake it. I think it’s the fact that my baby seems to have been forgotten and it kills me and makes me feel numb inside I just need someone to listen and help, thanks for your time and help.

A: I am so very sorry for your loss. One thing that may be happening has to do with the fact that in addition to the psychological struggle to get through this time your body is likely to be going through a hormonal roller coaster.

I would strongly recommend psychotherapy for coping with the loss you feel from the miscarriage, helping adjust yourself to your sister’s pregnancy and her lack of effort at support.

This is the time for you to recover and reclaim yourself through support through psychotherapy. See if the hospitals in your area are offering individual or group therapy for grieving. This is a profound loss and there are people available who can help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My 4 year old suffered neglect and abuse from birth to age 2.5. She has been in therapy for over a year. I am afraid she and her brother (6) have been programmed by therapy. My children are both very happy kids until therapy. For an hour before our in-home therapist came over, the kids were drawing very happy, family oriented drawings and artwork. As soon as the therapist got here, they started drawing sad faces and monsters… I wonder if they think they are expected to behave a certain way when the therapist is here… My 4 year old’s behavior following the out of home play therapist is completely out of control. She goes to therapy once per week. Following that therapist visit, she throws tantrums and has extremely defiant behavior for 3 to 4 days. Then for the rest of the week she is fine until therapy day comes around again. I wonder, if she is too young for therapy or if she is programmed to behave this way… (unintentionally of course) but it is just strange how it happens. Thank you so much.

A: Your astute observations are very important to bring to your in-home therapist. Any pattern of behavior for young children s important to note, and this is a good reflection to discuss. There can be many factors influencing this, but the key will be to have an open dialogue with the therapist as you experiment with different ways to help. We don’t want the process to be part of the problem.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Hello, my name is Jane and I’m from Germany, I have already been in therapy for depression because I used to want to kill myself. Well, now I just want to kill people around me. I get really excited when I think about getting a gun and just killing people. I’m not interested in killing one person at a time in a slow and painful way but more in school shooting. Sometimes I just want to slit people’s neck or just stab them all over and dispose of the body as soon as possible. I actually do have friends now and I like them and I’m glad I do, but when I was a child I used to have none at all and I had a very bad relationship with my parents, I never felt like they actually loved me, now it’s different but I stil can’t get the pictures out of my head. I really just want to KILL for the pleasure but I can stop myself, my thoughts belong to myself and I want to pretend it’s alright and have others believe that and maybe these thoughts will go away.. Well, I just feel like everybody always leaves me and nobody truly loves me for who I am and I’m so sorry I’m such a f-up, I wish I was normal but I just.. am not.

A. Hello, Jane. I’m concerned about your letter. You began experiencing severe depression that led you to want to end your life. You’ve now become fixated on the idea of killing others. The desire to want to kill or harm others is very unusual. It’s a sign of someone who is unwell, truly suffering and in need of intervention. Sometimes when people are suffering and perceive that they are being ignored, it angers them. They may want to seek revenge or punish the people who they think should be helping them.

You must understand that killing is wrong. It certainly will not solve your problems. Killing involves the destruction of human life. Every religion considers murder a sin. It would ruin the lives of many people. You would also very likely spend the rest of your life in prison.

It is important that you receive help immediately. Go to a hospital if you feel as though you cannot control your behavior. Call emergency services if necessary. You should immediately report your feelings to your parents or the school administrators. Once they are aware of your thoughts, they can assist you in receiving the appropriate psychological help. Counseling could assist you in developing coping skills to deal with your very strong emotions. Please seek help immediately. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We’ve been through a lot but always found a way to work things out. Our biggest problem I believe is communication and my insecurities. We have taken some big steps recently. We both have children and introduced them to each other a few weeks ago. He has also met my father and my son’s father. However, I have yet to meet his parents. Sometimes that bothers me because it makes me feel like I’m not good enough in his eyes. Recently I stayed the night with him and everything was fine until the early morning. He got up around 4-5 and just left the room. I was just laying there wondering if I did something. He comes back in about an hour or two and lays back down. At this point I had to get up to go to work. I was very upset and just left without saying a word. We had had a heated discussion via text that morning but nothing was resolved. I have not heard from him since. I am unsure of what course of action I should take? Should I reach out to him or let him be?

A: Reach out. When couples go to the next level of intimacy and inclusion many dynamics are activated and fears can be aroused. The key is to talk, not text, about it. Sit down and begin talking about what you need and want from the relationship. I would do this sooner rather than later. You may want to find a couples therapist to help you through this. Check the find help tab at the top of this page to find one in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I for a while now have not felt fully human anymore. My friends the few I actual trust said I should get checked out but I know if they were to lock me up in manor of speaking it would make everything worse. I have for the past few years have been turning into a werewolf I know it sounds silly and stupid I cant really explain why. It happens on and off when it takes control or wants to and acouple times I have almost attacked my friends appearently and I don’t really remember doing any of it. I know my friends mean well but I cant go away they are probably the only things keeping me somewhat sane. So I guess my question is if I were to get this checked out by my psychologist would I end up being well locked up?

A. It’s physically impossible to turn into a werewolf. Perhaps you are describing a psychological change that occurs when you lose control. During one of those episodes, you nearly attacked your friends but have little memory of the event. Sometimes people with extreme anger issues describe experiencing a similar loss of control and loss of memory. You may also be describing a dissociative event.

To answer your question directly, if you were evaluated by a psychologist, there is very little chance that you would be “locked up.” Typically, the only time when an individual can be forcibly committed to a psychiatric hospital is when they are imminently dangerous to themselves or to others. You “attacked” your friends but you did not describe what you meant by this phrase. For instance, perhaps you yelled at them or were short with them during a conversation. In any event, it’s very difficult to be forcibly hospitalized so the chances of it happening upon your evaluation are unlikely.

A mental health professional would likely spend a great deal of time gathering information about your attacks. He or she would then create a treatment plan to address your symptoms. He or she would also probably suggest that you be evaluated for medication. It’s possible that a low dose of medication could significantly decrease these uncontrollable experiences. Your life would be greatly improved if these problematic experiences were eliminated. It would also improve the quality of your friendships. I hope you will consider seeing a mental health professional because it could greatly improve your life. It would also help you to know precisely what it is that you are experiencing. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

As a teenager I experienced violent anger which resulted in self mutilation. I spoke with and wrote to a “demon” that I believed was the real me trying to escape. I experienced episodes of increased strength when angry. I lived in a reality where I made up reasons my parents hated me. To this day I still struggle with feelings of acceptance. I drank myself into a more appealing persona and was able to overcome the anger and social issues of my teenage years. However, now that I have quit drinking due to my wanting to be a great mom, it feels like problems keep cascading. I fear that I will return to the mindset of my youth.

A. It makes sense that your problems have returned since they are no longer being suppressed with alcohol. Alcohol served as your emotional suppression strategy but it was a temporary fix.

You’re a mom now and it’s your responsibility to take care of yourself, for the sake of your child. All children need and deserve to have a healthy role model. If you’re having problems, they will invariably impact your child. Now, more than ever, is the time to seek help.

When you were younger, maybe you didn’t have access to help. You concealed your problems perhaps because you didn’t think your parents could help. Maybe you didn’t think they were willing to help but you’re an adult now. As an adult, you have much more power and control over the course of your life. It’s within your power to seek help and that is exactly what you should do.

I would recommend having a psychological evaluation with a mental health professional. When meeting with a mental health professional, you may also want to inquire about medication. Some people find that the combination of medication and psychotherapy work best to maintain psychological stability.

Be proactive. You recognize that your problems are beginning to reemerge and now is the time to take action. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

My older brother who is 20 has taken control of my family. I haven’t talked to him since I was 7, but he still lives with us. My parents and I must do anything he says, get out of the same room he is in, and not talk to him or he will go insane. He is large and throws tantrums frequently. He’s punched holes in the wall, thrown things around, and has caused significant damage to our home. My parents still give him whatever he wants, even though he’ll spit in their face if he doesn’t like it. He’s hit me and my mom, and has attempted my dad. My dog runs off every time he comes downstairs, which reassures me that he is dangerous, if she can sense it.

Other things I’ve noticed is that he doesn’t act normal for his age. He tries desperately to fit in, which is one of the reasons he won’t go to therapy or take medicine. He tries to dress “cool” to impress people, get attention, acts immature, buys brand-names, and acts in a certain manner that obviously shows he is trying too hard. He doesn’t have any friends, I’m sure because people have seen how bizarre he acts. You can usually tell in someone’s expressions if they aren’t “all there”, and I can tell. We can’t call the cops because we don’t have a “good enough” excuse to, according to the law. Please help us.

A: I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a letter but your letter certainly sets off my inner alarms. Your whole family is under siege. You haven’t talked to him for 11 years even though you live in the same house? Things must be really bad!

Your brother sounds very troubled. I understand completely that, besides being afraid of him, your parents want to protect him and help him if they can. But it doesn’t help him to be allowed to continue to tyrannize the family. He isn’t getting treatment he probably needs and he isn’t learning how to be socially acceptable.

I urge you to investigate whether there is a domestic violence program in your city. Although most of the people who come to them are victims of spousal abuse, most such programs are also familiar with other variations of family violence. Counselors there will be able to give you valuable information about how to handle your brother and what resources are available to the whole family. They can also offer you and your parents important emotional support as you start trying to manage the situation differently.

No one should live under the constant threat of violence. I hope you will share your letter and this response with your parents. I very much hope they will seek out the practical advice and support your whole family desperately needs.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I recently found my relatives I haven’t seen in over 30 yrs and I figure I would get to know them. I talked to them for awhile and now they stopped talking to me after they talked to my siblings and other relations,which they look at me like I am the bad seed who caused the stress and problems in the family. Granted, my life hasn’t been great and I never gotten along with my siblings, since my mothers passing, I’ve been trying to reconnect with my family but it seems like they do not want nothing to do with me and it is hurting me inside. I want to bury the hatchet more than anything, but they are not willing to. What makes this difficult, is the fact they keep dragging my name through the mud and I want it to stop.

A: Whenever there is such a group reaction from a family I think the best strategy is to make personal contact with the most willing person and nurture this one relationship. Don’t try to ingratiate yourself with the whole family. Work to build one relationship at a time. Make the effort to develop brief contact first. The idea here is to build on success—so the goal of a brief meeting is to have it go well and to set up another opportunity to connect again. Don’t try to solve everything all at once. If you have been out of the loop for 30 years it may take some time to reintroduce yourself to your family. Let them know who you are now, and strive to develop a positive connection.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

What is wrong with my sister, she is fifteen and thinks it is okay to get drunk every other weekend, she also blows everything out of preportion, if my mum asks her to go to bed or turn off the laptop after ten my sister will start to screem and shout at my mum until my mum cannot take it any more my mum will then shout back, this upsets my mum very much and she doesnt understand why it happens as only a simple question was asked not told! my sister doesnt think that she has done anything wrong when my mum and i are clearly in tears, do you know what we can do to get her to understand how she is hurting us every night. thank you x x

A: Your sister isn’t drunk only on alcohol. She’s also drunk on power. By yelling and screaming, she gets to do what she wants when she wants. She reduces your mother and you to tears. Your mother (and father if he’s in the picture) need to take hold of this. Parents need to be in charge, not a rebellious teen. For some reason, your mom doesn’t seem to know how to set rules and limits and keep them. All your sister has to do is make some noise, and your mother caves in. Even though your sister seems to like defeating your mother and hurting the two of you, I’m guessing there is a part of her that is also scared of her own behavior. She doesn’t know how to stop it any more than you do.

Parenting an angry teen is tough. I’m sure your sister can be impressive in her anger. But, like it or not, she is still dependent on your parents. That gives parents leverage if they know how to use it wisely. I suggest that you show your letter and this response to your mother. Things won’t get better unless your mother learns how to gain respect from your sister. She may need to see a family therapist or attend a parent support group to learn the skills and to have the support she needs.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

For about two years I have sort of thought that people can hear the thoughts in my head and recently I also feel like God, Jesus, demons and the devil talk to me in my head and I talk with them. I have started to feel more important than everyone else, I have started to think some people don’t deserve to be on the same planet as me. All my life when I have watched shows about killers I hated them and wanted to torture and kill them but I feel like I am different and I should be able to kill because I know wrong from right better than everyone else really, I would kill people who deserve to die and go to hell. I also have opposite thoughts, I obsessed with and sexually attracted to Jeffry Dahmer, I have repeated dreams about being back in time and changing his sexuality to like women and killing with him even though I know it is all wrong and strange. I am starting to become scared of myself. Do I need help?

A. Much of what you are feeling is abnormal. It’s especially concerning that you hear voices. You also described feeling “more important than anyone else.” From a clinical perspective, you may be experiencing grandiosity which occurs when an individual has an exaggerated belief about their abilities. Both hearing voices and experiencing grandiosity are signs of a possible psychotic disorder.

Your beliefs that you “should be able to kill” and that you would “kill people who deserve to die an go to hell” is also concerning. It’s also abnormal to obsess and to be sexually attracted to Jeffrey Dahmer. Jeffrey Dahmer was a cannibal who murdered people. He destroyed the lives of many families. There’s nothing romantic or intriguing about him. In the view of the majority, he is an immoral individual who deserved to be incarcerated for the rest of his life.

Yes, it would be in your best interest to seek help. You stated that you’re “scared of yourself” which means that you may be losing your ability to control your behavior. See a mental health professional immediately. If you feel you cannot control your behavior and that you are at risk of harming someone, it is imperative that you go to the hospital or call 911. Don’t ignore this problem. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and four months. Two weeks ago, he said he needed a break due to stress. About a week ago, we broke up, getting back together about a day later.

He blamed the stress on me, and I admit, we’ve been fighting a lot in the past seven months. Since we’ve gotten back together I’ve held back any negative comments or remarks and have gone out of my way to keep him from getting stressed.

I have my own issues, and I understand that he has some too.

He often used to get angry with me for being jealous, saying that it meant I had a lack of trust for him. Ever since we’ve gotten back together, I’ve tried hard to keep from getting jealous, or at least letting him know.

However, he’s made this decision to get in contact and be friends with nearly his entire ex’s, which has made me rather uncomfortable. One in particular, we’ll call her ‘S’, well, he seems to be overly friendly with her.

I haven’t said a word, until today, when he actually compared me to S. It upset me a lot, and I made a comment on it, saying that I found it hard that he was asking me not to get jealous when he seemed to be going out of his way to make me so.

Talking about it just upset him.

The biggest issue goes beyond that…he acts as if our breakup never happened, yet for some reason I just can’t get back to the natural flow of things, and I can’t help but wonder if he actually loves me. When he says those words it feels like a recorder is just repeating the words I want to hear.

I love him, and want so badly to feel secure about us, but I need help, because I don’t know how.

A: Dancing around your boyfriend’s antics and anger won’t foster a good, healthy relationship. It might be important to acknowledge your instinct that you don’t really feel his love and move on. In other words—I don’t think security is a reasonable goal to work toward. Let him have his ex-girlfriends and his anger and his baiting of you by comparison.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral