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Holly Counts, Psy.D.'s Archive

I’m turning 50 soon and really want to end it.

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Q: I am getting ready to turn 50 in the next month, and ever since I can remember I have set this date to die. I no longer feel wanted or needed by anyone and no one can understand this. Not only this, but past memories of abuse, sexual, physical, and mental are coming back to haunt me and the depression is getting worse and worse. I was put into foster care at age 10 until age 12 and this is where this happened. I am not a rich person and cannot afford to see a therapist. I will look at a family in a store and remember my family—both my family of kids I gave birth too, and my birth family, and then start ...  
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Depression and suicidal thoughts

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Q: I'm scared just writing this. I'm confused and lost and I don't know what to do. I self-harm nearly daily on my arms,wrists,neck and legs, sometimes deep, sometimes not. I'm only 13 years old and have tried to commit suicide 3 times. I also sometimes make myself throw up and haven't been eating much lately. I don't seem to be able to sleep much anymore either and I get extremely tired during the day.

I know you must get loads of messages like this, but I am in real need of someone as this has been going on for more than 1 1/2 years. My parents seperated when I was 7 and it hurt, but neither of them have talked to me about it.

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Please help me put an end to my people-pleasing ways once and for all.

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Q: I am a 27 year old woman, who is often overlooked or treated like an imbecile, because I let people walk all over me. My parents praised me as a child because I was always polite and said things like "please" and "thank you". I rarely misbehaved in public and even let others cut in line just so they wouldn't be upset.

Well, that may have been cute as a child, but now as an adult, it's just ridiculous. I have no friends, I guess, because I don't have much of a personality. I'm always polite to people and try to "mind my manners" at all times. My own husband admits that when we were dating he sometimes took advantage of me because he

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Children and studying

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Q: Hi, my step son is 11 years old and fortunately is a very clever boy, however every day is a constant struggle with him having to do homework, projects or studying for assessments (exams). He refuses to do none of the above (on a daily basis) and gives my husband and us a very hard time about these issues, we have explained the importance of having to do this in order to achieve well. The fights he gives us is now causing severe problems for the family. Please can you suggest what we can do and if a child has this problem? Should we look at sending him to a "special school" that can assist with this sort of problem. We have tried ...  
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How can I help my friend get therapy?

Sunday, November 4th, 2007

Q: My friend told me she wants to die and she doesn’t know what to do and I suggested she talk to a therapist. She agreed and said she wanted to do that but her parents are like against it. She’s only 14...what should I tell her to do?

A: First off, I wouldn’t assume her parents are really against it. Just because she says they are doesn’t mean that she has really talked to them about how she has been feeling. I would either suggest to her to try again or you could since you are older. Otherwise, she might also check with her school or church to see if they have counselors who could talk to her or groups she

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I have concerns about possible sexual abuse of a child.

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

Q: My cousin's husband's brother has done time for having sex with his stepdaughter. My cousin and her husband don't sleep together but their 4yr daughter has been sleeping with the father. He often secludes himself with her. My concern is that he might be having sex or something of that nature with the daughter. What can we look for as signs that this may be going on. The husband is very physical and emotional abusive. This has been going on for over a year. There is one pedophile in the family; could there be 2?

A: I understand your concerns and would be concerned myself. However, I don’t have enough information to really advise you specifically. Just because there is one

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How can I talk to my husband about sex?

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

Q: When my husband and I make love he sometimes likes to do some activities that I don't like it because sometimes when he does it it end's up hurting me. So how I can tell him to stop it without him being mad at me for that? I love making love to him, don't get me wrong, I just don't like some of the things he does (content edited). My stomach end's up hurting too when he's done with that. Sometimes he feel's on my breast's too in public and in front of children and I feel uncomfortable about that. He doesn't care what he does in front of me or on me whether it's out in public or not. What should I ...  
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Could I have been misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at age 17?

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

Q: When I was in high school I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder shortly following my father's death. I feel that this diagnosis is inaccurate seeing as how I was in fact an emotional teenager and anyone in that situation at that age would present symptoms of BPD. I was later hospitalized for 3 months and diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder as I suffered from psychosis as well. However shortly before my discharge I was given back my diagnosis of BPD (I was 18) by a different psychiatrist. Since then my diagnosis has gone back and forth. I personally feel (& my current therapist agrees) that at this point in life I clearly do not present BPD seeing as how I have not ...  
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I am scared to come out. What do you suggest?

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

I am 21 and I have known I am gay for almost 6 years now but am too scared to tell anyone. The first 4 years of my questioning I was pretty much in denial. I have been raised in a Christian home where homosexuality is a sin. My parents have always encouraged individuality from me but I’m not sure how they will react to me telling them. I am more scared of telling my friends who might think of me differently. Homosexuality is more or less a joke to them. They kid with each other about gay sex and so forth. I know they wonder about me, i am relatively attractive but have never had a boyfriend. i will date someone for a month ...  
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I told my therapist I have a suicide plan.

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

Q: A while back I told my therapist through email I have had a plan to kill myself since I was around 12. I am now 21. She hasn't really brought it up, and in a way I want her to. I want her to help, but I don't know how. Once you create a plan, how do you ever just "forget it", it's always there and any time I get stressed, my mind feels like it laughs because I have a 'perfect' plan to just escape. It scares me...

A: It’s time to bite the bullet and tell your therapist about your plan face to face. Maybe since you have had it for so long she just thought you were giving her

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What do you think about a separated but co-parenting living situation?

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

Q: My relationship with my daughter's father recently ended. We were living together in a home I just bought and he decided he didn't know what he wanted. In all honesty, we've been platonic since March and only faking it 'cause it felt like "what you're supposed to do".

He moved out this past Friday and is now renting a room at a mutual friend's house. He has expressed regret at the loss of "normal", and I definitely understand that feeling. Our daughter is 2 1/2 and she is happy as a clam right now because she and I are at my parents' house (and boy do they dote on her). She doesn't even really seem to be upset that things are different

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I’m confused about my BPD diagnosis.

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

Q: I've recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. However, I'm very confused because while researching this and obtaining as much facts as I can, a primary trait is 'fear of abandonment'. The reason for the confusion is that for me it's the opposite. For the past two decades, I've abandoned my family (mother, father, siblings), the love of my life, even pets. I've COPED with and/or STARTED relationships with an intense passion, with an INITIAL fear of rejection or loss. But after some time passes, something clicks in my brain and I go 'cold' and 'uncaring'. I burn or discard all treasured gifts or mementos and rarely allow myself a 'memory'.

This hasn't happened only once — it is a pattern for me.

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It is never too late to be what you might have been.
-- George Eliot