He Keeps Bringing Up My Past

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My husband and I have been together for 14 years. But through out these years we have separated numerous times. But when we officially got married my husband still cheated on me with numerous women. I left and divorced him. We got back together 5 years later and it just seems like hell.

When we got back together we said that we were not going to lie or hold nothing back. So whenever he ask me a question. I tell him. Wheter he like it or not. I do not go into full detail of anything but it will be a yes or no. But when we wasn’t married I did date other men. He has a problem and feel that I should give him names and show him photos of them so he won’t run into them in the streets. I told him no.

Can you give me some advice on how to handle this situation? It has been going on for 4 years now and I am at my end with this. I feel that I shouldn’t be questioned when he was doing the same thing. He still keeps in contact with his ex’s and other women. But the women he has kids with he do not speak to or the kids. Can you tell me if I should just let it go because it just seems like it is a dead end with him.

A: You absolutely should not give him more information than you already have. It’s not his business. Bringing it up is only a way for him to keep your relationship off balance.

I frankly don’t understand why the two of you continue to be together. This doesn’t sound happy for either of you. He isn’t someone you can rely on to be fair or loving or faithful. He cheated on you before. He continues to “cheat” by staying in contact with the other women. He isn’t a father to the children he’s brought into the world. What’s the attraction?

You are only 31. You have lots of years ahead. I hope you will consider whether you really want to spend the rest of your life being questioned and devalued. Yes, you’ve invested 14 years in this guy but you were only a teen when this all started. You might want a different kind of man in your life now that you’re grown up. Really. There are men out there who have good character and who would love you and cherish you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Aug 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). He Keeps Bringing Up My Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/08/20/he-keeps-bringing-up-my-past/