My Boyfriend has Psycho-Jealousy

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My hunny and i have been dating for 3 great months. This is the man i can see myself marrying. He is an amazing guy great heart and treats me like a queen. but because of his past and trust issues, he thinks all women are liars and cheaters. He has serious trust issues and crazy thoughts go thru his head if he does not know my where abouts or cant reach me. I have faith in God that with me being patient and showing him i am a good women and would not ever cheat or lie to him that this will pass. But it just seems to get worse not better. I dont know what to do… I need help to know how to help him.

A: Please rethink marrying this guy. This isn’t likely to get better unless he’s willing to do some serious personal therapy. You can’t help him with this. He is already convinced that all women are liars and cheaters. Since you are a woman, you fall into that category. If you start (or continue) to limit your life in order to reassure him, you are only setting yourself and him up for disappointment. You can’t keep that up and still be your own person. Walking on eggshells around another person’s problem is never a lasting solution.

I hope you will consider taking a huge step back from this relationship. Tell your boyfriend that although you love him, you don’t love his issues and can’t live with them. Tell him that he can contact you after he has done his therapy and can show you that he trusts and respects you, and not before. Value yourself enough to be serious about it. You deserve a loving and trusting relationship.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Aug 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). My Boyfriend has Psycho-Jealousy. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/08/17/my-boyfriend-has-psycho-jealousy/