I Don’t Feel Special to Him

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months. In the past month 2-3 months he has steadily stopped talking to me like he used to. He doesn’t text me no more or call me no more. When I’m around him, he is always responding to a female’s text message (How I know, because I’ve seen what his contacts look like and his top 3 people who he talks to are 2 females from work and I’m either number 3 or 5th) There’s one in particular who he text constantly. Whenever I’m around him, he’s texting her but me? Nothing. Not a thing when he get’s off work or is doing his thing on his day off. I just seen him today around 12:00am and we spent about 35-45 minutes together and for the first 20 minutes, he was texting her. I got upset him with earlier and he told me “I have a life outside our relationship” and to me that’s saying “You aren’t as important to me compared to my friends”. Why do they get to talk to you all day long but I can’t get a simple hello? I love him but I’m afraid. I don’t know what to tell him to understand…I’m afraid that our relationship is not going to work!

A: I am sorry to be the one to say this — but from your explanation it already seems to not be working. For about one-third of your relationship, he is placing you between number 3 and 5 on the list; not promising for a relationship that is less than a year old. I would encourage you to put your cards on the table. Explain the distance that you feel and that it isn’t what you hoped for in a relationship. If he doesn’t change, then you may want to move on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Aug 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). I Don’t Feel Special to Him. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/08/08/i-dont-feel-special-to-him/