Am I Making Too Much of What Happened to Me?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From India: There are a no. Of issues: 1. When I was a little girl, I was pretty cute and many guys took advantage of me, even my cousin used to slide his hands under my top. In a public place once a man slid his hand under my skirt, I was 10 or 12, I still cant forget how wickedly he asked, Did You enjoy it. These type of incidents kept happening to me, I just wanted to die and never talked to anyone about this, not even in the family. I hate myself for never being able to scream. I would turn pale and helpless. The worst part is that that I had forgotten about my cousin then once when i was 17, the events flashedback but It was too late as I was now very attached to him as a brother.
2. My mother is a mental patient. She hates everyone when she loses her balance and its really hard to remind myself that she is ill because somewhere I think she really considers me a burden.
3. I am fat now. Its hard for me to be confident. i am scared from inside but i come off as a very cheerful person because i hate my weak side. I love being strong and happy only so I have never told all these things to anyone but now I feel that little girl and me have endured too much and I am breaking inside. Sometimes I feel that all these things are minor issues, everybody has them and I should not cry about them aur whine about them but just be happy. Am I right???

A: I am very glad you wrote. For the first time you are breaking your silence. That is often the first step toward healing. No, you are not right. These were not minor events for a growing child to experience. You didn’t scream at the time for the same reason that lots of other girls (and young boys) don’t object: You were shocked, naive, and helpless to stop it. When someone older and who has some power or authority is the abuser, most kids don’t even know they can object.

My guess is that your current weight is a way you “protect” yourself. There is a part of you that believes that if you are overweight, men won’t be interested in molesting you again.

Please give yourself credit: You do have a core of strength. The fact that you are able to function and appear happy even when you are not says to me that you are now able to take care of that little girl inside. I encourage you to make an appointment with a therapist. A therapist can help you heal from the abuse so that you can go forward in your life.

You are young. You have lots of years ahead to enjoy life, to find someone to love, and to do good work. Please take care of yourself. You are not a burden. You are a person on the brink of becoming all you can be.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 4 Aug 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). Am I Making Too Much of What Happened to Me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/08/04/am-i-making-too-much-of-what-happened-to-me/