Am I Meant to Be with This Guy?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: A possible symptom of BPD is expecting your SOs to just know what you want, like mind reading. Mine is really good at that. Having BPD, I don’t know where I should draw the line in my mind, should I be accepting that he is the caring figure I need (at least he’s not a narcissist or other bad people for a BPD person to be in a relationship with)? It takes years to progress into a ‘normal’ adult with BPD and I’m wondering if I’m supposed to go with this nurturing guy or be ‘getting over’ my emotional issues myself.

A: Your boyfriend shouldn’t be expected to be your therapist. Yes, a supportive lover is very, very helpful. But that isn’t the only reason to stay with someone. If you don’t share interests and attraction, then it’s unfair to stay with him. You both would soon tire of the helper-helpee arrangement.

On the other hand, you also shouldn’t leave someone you love who loves you back because you have issues to deal with. We all have issues, some more challenging than others to be sure. But you’re not unique in having stuff to work on. If you and your boyfriend can keep things in balance where you give as much as you get, you don’t have to break up out of some idea that you can’t be with someone before you fix yourself.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Jul 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). Am I Meant to Be with This Guy?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/27/am-i-meant-to-be-with-this-guy/