Constant Arguing

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and became parents really young. We were 18 at the time. Currently, we have been constantly arguing over the same issues. We have tried communicating and working things out, but for some reason we continuing fighting. We can go as far as two whole weeks without saying one word to each other unless it is about our daughter. Now there is past cheating and hurting we have done to each other; which caused plenty of respect to go down the drain. I have offered a break and some space to maybe ease the tension we have, but he says that a break is not an option, its either we completely split or try working it out. However, working it out only lasts about two days and then we are back at it again. We are not sure what would be the best option for us. We have tried many different things to make our relationship better, but have failed. Would it be best for us to end our relationship before we end up in really bad terms or is there something else we can possibly try that will help our relationship?

A: Thank you for asking this important question. It sounds as if you both have had difficulty for a long time, have lost basic trust in each other, and can’t seem to find any breathing room.

I think both of you need more information before you can make such an important life decision. I would do two things: First I would contact a couples therapist. You can use the “Find help” tab at the top of the page to find someone in your area, or find someone competent on your own. I would then meet with this person and explain everything. Having a third-party present can change things and allow for grievances to be aired properly.

I would then also make an appointment with a divorce mediator. People trained in divorce mediation will tell you the cold facts about what it takes to get divorce — and what you can expect.

After meeting with both professionals the two of you will have much more information about the possibilities and realities of your situation to help you make a better decision.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Jul 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Constant Arguing. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/19/constant-arguing/