I’m Not Sure About My Sexual Orientation

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.K.: Lately i have had a crush on this guy at school, today this boy started a fight on him for no reason and my crush won- it totally turned me on. But ive also been fantasising about katy perry and other pretty girls. ITS ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT! No girls i know personally though. I used to be a massive tom boy but i’e changed and i’m pretty (or people say i am) and i care about things like nails hair and makeup. There’s this one girl though who has always thought i was a lesbian and its bugging me. Im just constantly fantasising about Katy Perry and other hot girls. Am i bi? Im really confused and my hormones are raging at the moment. Ive been googling things like katy perry naked. I just cant control myself! Is this a weird phase or is it the beginning of more. I just keep fantisising about kissing hot girls (not just katy perry)

A: Please stop torturing yourself. You’re 13. It’s normal for adolescents to think about sex and to “try on” different possibilities. It’s how we figure out who we are. As a young friend of mine once said: It’s like going into a store and trying on lots of pairs of jeans until you find the pair that fits just right. You can’t make a pair that doesn’t fit feel comfortable or right. All you can do is keep trying on other possibilities until you put on the pair that feels comfortable.

I suggest you let nature do its job. Focus on being a good friend to your friends, exploring things that interest you and doing your schoolwork. Your sexuality will naturally emerge in the next 10 years without so much stress and effort on your part. You’ll know when you’ve found the right “fit.”

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Jul 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). I’m Not Sure About My Sexual Orientation. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/15/im-not-sure-about-my-sexual-orientation/