Fix It or Let It Go?

By Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Hi, I’M 19 and I’ve been with my boyfriend/fiance for almost three years and now I just don’t know what to do. He says he’s tired of talking and that I just don’t get what he’s saying and maybe he’s right. He came home from A school (He’s in the Navy) for a couple of weeks and within that time frame we had planned on getting married so that when he goes to his first duty station I would be able to go with him. Right before he came, we got into an argument and he asked me to take off the ring. Now he’s leaving and we’re not married because according to him I didn’t seem like I wanted to get married because I didn’t mention it. I asked him to tell me what he wants to do and his answer was I don’t know. My question is what should I do?

A: Unless both of you are 100% ready to be married and know that this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, I’d suggest that you wait. I’ve seen lots of people get married for the wrong reasons (including one of the partners being in the military), and it ends in divorce a few years later.

I know you have been together for 3 years, but you’re really only now becoming an adult. It is hard to know what you want forever while you are still developing as a person. And if the relationship is already strained, rushing into marriage and then dealing with a move and a lifestyle change with military transfers, may only stress it more.

I suggest that you let him go without you for now and see how your relationship handles the distance. If it is meant to be, you will work through this and be a stronger couple for it. But when there is any doubt regarding a decision this big, it is best to give it some time and see where your heart takes you.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Jul 2014

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2014). Fix It or Let It Go?. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/10/fix-it-or-let-it-go/