From the U.S: My boyfriend of over 1 yr works on the road in different states. He is a supervisor so his hotel room is paid for by employer, he also has an alcohol and drug addiction. I ended relationship today because he refused to tell his friend/co – worker that he has to get and pay for his own room because I refuse to continue having sex with my boyfriend while his friend is sleeping in bed just 3 or 4 feet away from ours. Mt boyfriend tells me he loves me and still wants me…blames me for ending relationship. I am devastated, how can he be so heartless?

A: It sounds to me like your boyfriend is a user — not only of alcohol and drugs but also of you. He’s willing to sleep with you as long as it doesn’t cost him anything. To think a woman will put up with having semi-public sex that makes her uncomfortable is outrageous! To turn around and blame you for wanting some privacy is outrageous too.

However much you’ve come to care for this man, I think you’ve just dodged a bullet. Yes, I know. You’re in your 40s and you may think that love is hard to find. But you really don’t have to settle for so little in the name of love. I’m not at all sure this guy knows what the word means. Make yourself available for someone who thinks you’re worth a lot more than the cost of a hotel room.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Jul 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). I Need an Explanation for How My Boyfriend Thinks. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/08/i-need-an-explanation-for-how-my-boyfriend-thinks/