He’s Reluctant for Our Children to Meet

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the UK: I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 7 months now and I’ve only met his children twice. He stays at my home twice a week and gets on with my children, I asked him about a month ago if he thought it was time that we introduce our children together and he was less then enthusiastic about it. He tells me all the time that he loves me but I just don’t understand why he doesn’t seem to want to merge our two families. Is it always going to be a case of them and us or is he just worried that they won’t get on? He has 3 girls and I have 3 boys and a little girl.

A: I don’t blame you for wanting to move things along. It’s very difficult to date while parenting. It would certainly make things easier if you could bring the whole gang together now and then. But even though it would be easier, I’m not sure you’re wise to push it. You’ve only been together 7 months. The timing may not be right. Blending the kids is a big statement that the relationship is moving towards making a family. If your boyfriend has any doubts (whether about himself or the relationship), he is wise not to get his children involved as yet. It’s terribly hard on kids when they open their hearts to someone, to then shut those feelings back down if the adults decide they aren’t quite as made for each other as they thought they were. It looks to me like you have some more work to do as a couple before trying to make a blended family.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Jul 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). He’s Reluctant for Our Children to Meet. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/05/hes-reluctant-for-our-children-to-meet/