From India: Hi, I was engaged to a person on March 16th 2014, and after that he was not talking to me properly and later on March 30th when I said him that let’s be friends then he came out saying that he has an extra marital affair and even after marriage he may continue it. And through his cousin the next 2 days I came to know the truth of this guy. And at last he has put a message saying that I am not the correct person and the proposal got cancelled. I am not able to come out of this whole situation. how to come back again to normal life?

A: First, be very grateful that this information came out before you married this guy. He is not someone who knows how to be committed to his wife. He’s right that you are not the correct person for him to marry, but not because there is anything wrong with you. You are not the right person because you expect him to be a loving husband who puts you above all others — a perfectly reasonable expectation. Rather than accept responsibility for his own flawed character, he is acting as if you are the one at fault for the break-up.

Just because someone invites you to be a victim doesn’t mean you have to accept the invitation. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He does. Hold your head high. If anyone asks what happened, you can tell them you decided he isn’t what you were looking for in a lifetime mate and that you are grateful that he told you so. Then open yourself up to finding a man who will love you and cherish you and be the kind of husband you deserve.

I wish you well,
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Jul 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). How Do I Get Back to Normal After Broken Engagement?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/02/how-do-i-get-back-to-normal-after-broken-engagement/