From the U.S.: I’ve been with a verbal abusive man for over 5 years now. We’ve been married for a year and a half. I’ve gone to see the therapist and when I told him that I was going and wanted him to come with me, he had a very big fit, yelling and cussing at me (something that occurs very often with him). Not only did he say he didn’t need any money-grubbing BS specialist to help our relationship (because we should be the ones fixing it), but also forbid me from continuing my sessions. From the beginning of the relationship he’s been promising me changes that have not taken place, include being a better person after forbidding me from going to the therapist. I used to believe in forgiveness and forgave him too many times. But because of my forgiveness I am stuck in this relationship now. I moved away from my family to the US for him. What am I to do now?
A: You’re absolutely correct. You have forgiven him far too many times. Forgiveness isn’t a good thing when it keeps someone in a toxic relationship. In this country, a husband can’t forbid his wife to see a therapist. I encourage you to go and to talk with your therapist about how you can extricate yourself from this abusive man. You are only 25. You have lots of years ahead to find someone who will respect and cherish you. Yes, divorce is very difficult. I don’t recommend it lightly. But your husband has been failing to follow through on promises for years. It’s unlikely he is going to start making changes now. Do talk with your therapist. He or she can provide you with better guidance than I can, since I have very little information. In addition, your therapist knows what resources are available to help you in your community.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Jun 2014
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). My Husband Forbids Me from Seeing a Therapist. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/06/23/my-husband-forbids-me-from-seeing-a-therapist/