My Ex Might Be Paranoid … What To Do?

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I met this guy online in January. Things started out great. But slowly, I began to notice things that were not normal with him. Here are a few examples:
1. One day I was out with my co-workers and while were were out he texted me. I texted him back telling him that I would call him back in 20 min. The get-together went over and I called him 15 min after I said I would. Instead of just letting me know that he was disappointed because I called later than I said I would, or say nothing (Most people I know would not make a big deal of that), he answered the phone and said that I sounded bitchy and that he was in a good mood until I called. He made me cry.
2. He has accused me many times of conspiring against him with other people to make his life miserable. One day I sneezed and he accused me of knowing someone who hates him. Accused me of working with that person and I was sent to mess with him. I couldn’t sneeze, cough or scratch my nose without being accused of conspiring against him. I didn’t know any of the people he was accusing me of knowing.
3. He has accused me of cheating on him and lying. He called me a fraud. He invaded my privacy by going through my computer and checking my email. He didn’t find anything but swore that when he did, he would be very vengeful.
We broke up because I couldn’t take it anymore. He has said so many hurtful things to me. He accused me of cheating every time he would text me and not hear from me for just 15 min.
The problem is, I am pregnant with his child, therefore it can’t be a clean break. Now he is using our unborn child as a mean to keep control over me. I have asked him not to contact me now, seeing I am only 10 weeks pregnant, But he still does. He has sent me over 100 texts and emails in one day claiming that he only wants to be in the baby’s life. He wants to be at every Doctor’s appointment and at the birth. He has even sent an email saying what the baby should be named.
I do want him to be in the baby’s life because I definitely understand the benefits of a child bonding with his father. But I fear for my safety. He is very unpredictable and emotionally abused me. Also, I feel that something is wrong with him. I want him to get help. I asked him to go to therapy many times. He claims that he goes, but I don’t think so. I even suggested couple’s counseling but he refused. Right now, I don’t feel comfortable leaving a child with him. Every time something doesn’t go his way and he feels hurt, he makes sure to hurt me. Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

A: I’m so sorry you are having this difficulty. I don’t know what type of diagnosis your boyfriend may have, but I do think the right thing is to protect yourself physically, emotionally and legally. The first thing to do is contact the Women’s Center in your county. They are very familiar with helping women who fear reprisal from their boyfriends. I would use them for counseling, prenatal care suggestions, and legal advice because these situations tend to get worse before they get better.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Jun 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). My Ex Might Be Paranoid … What To Do?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/06/23/my-ex-might-be-paranoid-what-to-do/