From the U.S.: I am 20 and my boyfriend is 27. We have been together for 2 years and are going to move in together in a month. We have decided not to become engaged until I am finished with my BSN program and he is finished with his masters program. My moms hates that he is older than me but to me it makes no difference. I was with somebody my age for a year and he was a liar and pot smoker and probably a cheater, then I dated somebody 2 years older than me for a few months and he cheated on me all the time, practically in front of me one time. My current boyfriend started off as just my close friend and now he’s my best friend/ boyfriend. He treats me like a princess and loves me for everything that I am and I love him. But my mom just can’t see past that. She makes snide comments about him being creepy and not good enough. Then she’ll say no one is good enough. I know I’m not living my life for her but I really just want her to be happy for me for once. I just don’t know how to make her see that this man I’m with treats me well and makes me happy. Why is that not enough for her?
A: I don’t know why seeing you with a good man isn’t enough for her. As you’ve already discovered, age isn’t as important as character. You’re both in your twenties. It’s not like you are dating someone old enough to be your father or grandfather!
A good friendship is the best way to start a relationship. You and your boyfriend are making sound decisions about finishing school. You’ve taken two years to get to know each other and to be sure of each other. All that looks reasonable. I wish your mother could share in your happiness at finding each other.
Since she can’t, all you can do is be respectful and kind with her and go on with your life. There’s no point in responding to her unreasonableness with some of your own. Anger will only prove to her that you are too young to make a good decision. The best thing to do is love her and yet go forward. Hopefully, she will come around if she sees that you’re happy.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Jun 2014
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). My Mother Doesn’t Think Anyone is Good Enough for Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/06/14/my-mother-doesnt-think-anyone-is-good-enough-for-me/