Is It Wrong to Want Him Out of My Life?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: I have a friend who I’ve known since childhood, I’ll call him Bill. We’ve never been very close, but we’ve had the same circle of friends almost all our lives. In fact my fiance is good friends with Bill now. Personally I’ve have problems with Bill being very insensitive. He says and does things things without thinking about other people’s feelings, it’s like he’s chronically incapable of considering other people. But I always try to let it roll off my back because Bill’s friends with my fiance. Then something happened – a dear friend of ours, a man I dated briefly in high school, committed suicide. Instead of calling me or my fiance to tell us about it, Bill posted about it on Facebook. It’s been a month now since it happened and despite moving forward with my grief, I feel like I can’t face Bill, I can’t give him my condolences, I just don’t want to see him any more. What he did was so obviously inappropriate and most of the people who saw the post didn’t even know our friend, or care, they just said “Oh man sorry dude.” My fiance forgives and forgets, and that’s fine for him. But I think the whole thing was just too hurtful. Is it wrong to want Bill out of my life for good?

A: I’m very sorry for your loss and I’m very, very sorry for how you found out about it. Posting on FB was inappropriate and cruel for the man’s family and real friends. From your description, I suspect Bill is clueless, not intentionally mean. But that doesn’t excuse his behavior.

It isn’t wrong to want him out of your life but it may be impractical. You travel in the same circles and your fiance considers him a good friend. Don’t put your fiance in the position of having to choose between you. He has a right to draw his own conclusions. But you have a right to tell Bill how hurtful his posting was and to take some distance. Ideally, you and your fiance should find way to limit your contact with Bill without putting too much stress on your relationship.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Jun 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). Is It Wrong to Want Him Out of My Life?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/06/10/is-it-wrong-to-want-him-out-of-my-life/

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