I’m Engaged to a Guy But Attracted to a Girl

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From India: Hello, I am 28 year old female. I am in a relationship with a guy from past 4 years. Our wedding date has also been fixed. We are getting married soon. My BF is a very good guy. He likes me very much. I also like him a lot. From the time I was with him I was totally into him. I like him very much but not that attracted to him physically. I love to kiss him more than that I don’t enjoy that much.

I always had crushes on girls. I feel more connected to them emotionally. I was never attracted to girls physically. Recently I met a girl. I found that this girl is to a lot extent like me. We connect a lot. After talking to her a daily I felt that she understands me more than anyone on this planet. I felt like kissing her and I kissed her one day. Then, I felt I should go further also. And I did go further. And I actually enjoyed it. I felt complete after being physically close to her. It was wonderful. I really feel a lot for this girl. I never felt for anyone to this extent before. 24*7 she is on my mind. I cannot go close to my BF as she is always there on my mind. It’s difficult for me to even kiss my BF. I tried to stop talking to that girl but I fail every time. This feeling of guilt is killing me. Please suggest what I should do?? As I am not able to control my thoughts. I will be grateful if you will guide me on this. I will wait for your reply. Where I can check for your reply? My email Id is registered with you. Thank You.

A: It’s possible that your sexual orientation is toward women, not men. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to advise you as I don’t know enough about the cultural attitude toward homosexuality where you live. Here’s the link to the Wikipedia page on homosexuality in India: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_India. It seems that times are changing, but slowly.

I do know that if you are so deeply attracted to this girl, it’s going to be very difficult to be intimate with your soon-to-be husband. That might be unfair to both of you. I hope there is someone you trust who can help you decide what to do. If there is a gay-friendly therapist in your city, you might find it helpful to make an appointment to talk through your options.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie




Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 7 Jun 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). I’m Engaged to a Guy But Attracted to a Girl. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 28, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/06/07/im-engaged-to-a-guy-but-attracted-to-a-girl/

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