I’m Having Major Issues Showing Affection

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years now and I am so in love with him and he feels the same way. We have talked about getting married and love being together. For some reason I cannot get intimate with him for the first couple years we were very intimate and had sex a lot but now I cannot do it. I have problems even kissing him and being affectionate. I don’t understand why because I love him so much and i want to be able to fix this. Although he says even though I’m having this issue he will still always want to be with me he doesn’t deserve it and I really wish I could find out why I’m having these problems.

A: Sometimes the psyche is wiser than the mind. As much as you love your boyfriend, it could be that deep inside you are feeling too young to make the decision to marry. You met your guy when you were only 15. That means that the two of you haven’t done much exploring of relationships besides your relationship with each other. That’s like choosing from a choice of only one. Neither of you has had the opportunity to see what other choices for a mate might be interesting to you.

If either of you is going off to college, it may be that you would really like to have the freedom to have the whole college experience and see other people. That’s the best guess I can make with so little information. But if it rings true for you, perhaps you and your boyfriend should consider taking a step back. Free each other up to see other people. Then re-evaluate. Marriage is (or should be) forever. Nineteen is very young to be making that decision.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 6 Jun 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). I’m Having Major Issues Showing Affection. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/06/06/im-having-major-issues-showing-affection/