Having Problems Being Intimate

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been in this relationship for almost a year now. We were sexually active for a few months now I feel award when it comes to sex. I don’t know when to make the first move or if she wants to be intimate. I feel like I’m afraid to be intimate with her so I just give up.

I have been in AA for a 6 years now and from what I gathered I was sexually active when alcohol was involved. My relationships always involved drinking. I have been in 2 relationships since I’ve been sober and I had the same problem. I didn’t know what to do when it came to sex. Its been a problem for some time now.

What would you suggest I do?

A: Thank you for asking this important question. The key to moving through this is to have deep, authentic and honest discussion with your partner about your situation. That is the true intimacy: To share your vulnerability with the one you love.

Focusing on the sexual issues as a joint concern you build the relationship. Often, along the way, the discussion of the venerability changes the quality of the relationship for the better, and allows more intimate expression. I would try this approach first before individual or couple counseling.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 Jun 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Having Problems Being Intimate. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/06/01/having-problems-being-intimate/