I’m Stuck

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I am stuck in this tornado of confusion and need to get back on track.I am currently in a relationship with my best friend. He was my best friend for seven years and we decided to start dating and it has been over 6 months now and I could not ask for a better relationship. But I have a son for another man and I still have these feelings for him. I don’t want these feelings but they would take go away. Deep down I feel like it’s the right thing to get back with him but I don’t want to be with him. I have been so confused and still having these feelings is preventing me from moving forth with my new relationship.

A: I’m very sensitive to the fact that you left out whether or not your old relationship is interested in you. I think this would be an essential ingredient to include in your thought process. I am assuming since you left it out that he may not be. If that’s the case, then the work is on grieving the loss of that relationship. If your old relationship does want to get back together then it is time to have a very difficult, mature, and important discussion about whether or not you have a future.

The new relationship deserves your full attention if it is to succeed. I would try to deal with these feelings now so that if your new relationship is going to end — you can let him have the dignity of knowing this sooner rather than later. If the new relationship is going to flourish then dealing with grieving the past relationship would be important to do now.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 May 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). I’m Stuck. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 3, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/05/21/im-stuck-2/