Crazy in Love

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a guy in the the U.S.: my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years now. we love each other alot. my problem is that i’m always missing him, i always have to see and or talk to him. Y is this? every time he talks to a guy i think he is cheating on me. but deep down i know he is not. His brother passed away last week. now he is over seas for a month and i miss him crazy,, i asked him are we OK? your always serious when i message you and he says .. Well that’s how I feel , what do you want me to say , not in great mood to talk silly stuff or anything … Just normal talk… why do i always feel like something is wrong….. but i know that its not. We trust each other so much and i know everything about him like a mother.

A: I’m concerned. You’ve been in this relationship for 3 years yet you are so insecure. Yes, it’s normal to want to be with someone you love and to miss them when they are gone. But it’s neither normal nor helpful to be so caught up in your own feelings that you want reassurance when he is dealing with the loss of his brother while being far from home. Love means being there for your lover during hard times, not focusing so much on yourself. You are wise to be questioning yourself. I don’t think this is the way you want to be.

Your boyfriend can’t fix your insecurity. You need to do that. I suggest you consider talking with a therapist to help you sort this out. It would be a shame to lose what sounds like a fine relationship due to your own feelings of jealousy and fears.

I wish you well,
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 May 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). Crazy in Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/05/05/crazy-in-love/