Unable to Forget First Love

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I had a friend more than three decades ago who proposed to me but I could not get married to him because of my parental restraint for weird reason. I was then just 21 years. He got married and so did I and both of us moved on but soon the memories of him came back after my marriage to someone else after two years and has always remained with me. He was my first love. We never met again or kept any contact till 33 years. Upon seeing him after three decades my happiness knew no bounds. Separation from him has been a torture for me. I missed him all these years terribly, dreamt of him which left me in a helpless sad state for weeks thus not letting me forget him. My basic nature changed, I would never feel happy from within but after meeting him recently even though he is not mine, I have started feeling a change in me, I do respond to happiness from within. I wonder if we can keep in touch without endangering our marriages, though he has not shown any such signals but I wish to remain as clean friends with him. We are in our mid-late fifties. Please advise what to do. I can’t think of forgetting him. I am living with his thoughts coming across me daily several times a day for the past four decades irrespective of his presence or absence. Please help and give me some insight. When we separated I didn’t know that I would be loving him so much as to not forget him ever.

A: Thank you for your question. It sounds to me like to do anything other than honor the power of this relationship would be to betray yourself I suggest you manage your well-being in the way that allows you to proceed cautiously. This means to let your husband know. If you keep this a secret — then it will make it more difficult.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Photo

 

 

Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 4 May 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Unable to Forget First Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/05/04/unable-to-forget-first-love/