Needing Marriage Advice

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I was molested and raped growing up. I have been pushing my husband away and I am feeling low about myself. I have hurt him a lot I turn to people who have hurt me in the past and I want to be able to stop doing this. I also threaten to call the cops and or go to his P.O. even though I wont do it. I have done it once. But I was so upset. I want to feel better about myself and I want him to be able to trust me as a person. I really need help.

A: Thank you for your email. This is a difficult situation because there are many factors at play. I think your best bet is to find a couple’s counselor with experience in working with survivors of sexual abuse who can help the two of you create a safe enough space to talk about all this. The find help tab at the top of the page can help you find one in your local area.

The couple’s therapist can help identify the communication patterns that aren’t working for you and explore ways to be mutually supporting and loving with each other. This is difficult, perhaps impossible, for couples to do without some outside guidance.

I would look to make this appointment sooner rather than later

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 May 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Needing Marriage Advice. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/05/02/needing-marriage-advice/