From the U.S.: I’m 8 months pregnant and my boyfriend has confessed to cheating on me. Its been going on for at least 4 months. I have agreed to take him back and forgive but now he says he doesn’t believe I want to be with him. He thinks I just don’t want the other woman to have him – who by the way is in a relationship. I asked him if the tables were turned would he take me back. He said no, he would leave. My question is should I even pursue this relationship especially when he wouldn’t fight for me. I have gone into a state of depression over this. I’ve lost so much weight which isnt good for my unborn.
A: I’m so glad you wrote. Right now, the top priority is taking care of yourself and your baby. You need to find out whether your boyfriend is going to help you make a family or not. If he’s not, you need to be preparing yourself for single motherhood. That means figuring out how you will support the two of you financially, and how you are going to get the help you need so you can go to work or school.
Your boyfriend has withdrawn from you and the baby, but he’s cheated with a woman who isn’t really available to him. Further, your boyfriend doesn’t believe you because he knows he would not be as forgiving if he were in your shoes. I’d say he is a mixed up guy. I wonder if he has been acting out because he is afraid of the responsibilities that come with fatherhood.
It’s long past time to have a very difficult and long talk with him about what it means to him to be a father. Ask him directly if he is scared. Share your own fears. Remind him that whether or not the two of you love each other enough to marry, you both still have responsibilities to the baby. Is he willing to make an effort to be your partner as well as a parent? What specifically is he planning to do as his part in raising his child?
Until you have such a talk, you don’t have the information you need to decide whether he is worth giving another chance. You two may be able to work it out. But it will take honesty and forgiveness and commitment and love to do it.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Apr 2014
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). My Boyfriend has Confessed to Cheating. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/04/30/my-boyfriend-has-confessed-to-cheating/