My best friend no longer wants me to contact him. We have had strong feelings for each other which started while I was already in a long term relationship. My friend moved away three years ago as he couldn’t be around me while I was with someone else, during this time we kept in constant contact. I finally decided to end the relationship I was in to be with this friend and I was to move in with him. However I got cold feet at the thought of moving, changing jobs etc and stupidly fell back into the previous relationship. Once I had seen the error of my ways I have tried to contact my friend again (as I really do love him and he is the person I want to be with), however he says he can no longer trust me because of getting back with my ex and breaking his heart by the way I did it. He says he has forgiven me and we may have a chance. What can I do to show him he can trust me and I am sincere when he doesn’t want me to contact him? Sometimes I want to just call or email him but in doing so I would be breaking the promise I made not to contact him until he is ready. Should I contact him or wait? is this a lost cause?
A. It may not be a lost cause, but you should respect his wishes and keep your promise of avoiding contact with him. You should not try to force yourself on someone.
You should respect his desire for no contact. In fact, it’s potentially a good way to begin to earn back his trust. Breaking your promise may increase the likelihood that he sees you as untrustworthy. A promise, by definition, is a declaration that you will do what you said you were going to do. By keeping your promise, you are demonstrating your trustworthiness.
You said that he has forgiven you and he believes that the two of you might have a chance sometime in the future. That’s encouraging. In time, he might be ready for contact and the two of you can reunite.
For now, it may be best to leave him alone. It both demonstrates your trustworthiness and your respect for his desires.
I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Apr 2014
Randle, K. (2014). I Have Lost My Best Friend and Want Him to Love and Trust Me Again. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 25, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/04/21/i-have-lost-my-best-friend-and-want-him-to-love-and-trust-me-again/