From the U.S.: My wife thinks that masturbation is like cheating. I’ve reduced the number of times that I do it to maybe twice a week which I believe to be well below the norm. My wife very insecure of her body after having 3 kids (34 yr old, 5’4″ and 115 lbs…which is all good with me!!). She is also not a very sexual person and NEVER masturbates on her own. She is also can’t have an orgasm during sexual intercourse. So by me masturbating, this adds to her insecurities. I guess my question is how do I get her to understand that I’m not this sexual monster that she makes me out to be?

A: We both know you are not a sexual monster. The problem is that your wife doesn’t understand that masturbation is not a comment on her desirability to you. She is young and has a good weight and you love her just the way she is. So — if, as you said, she is insecure, my question is: What are the two of you doing about that? She doesn’t have orgasm during sex. She doesn’t masturbate. So what does give her sexual pleasure? For that reason, I suggest the two of you do some reading and experimenting. Let her know that her enjoyment of sex is a priority for you because you love her. If you two need further help, you might want to consult with a therapist a few times to see if there is more you can be doing to reassure her and to see if there is something troubling her that makes it difficult for her to enjoy sex.

She is missing out on one of life’s sweetest pleasures — sexual intimacy and climax with a man who loves her. You’re missing out on the intimacy of giving sexual pleasure to the woman you love. It’s worth giving the problem your time and attention and care to try to get closer in that way.

I wish you both well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Apr 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). My Wife Thinks Masturbating Makes Me a Sexual Monster. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/04/18/my-wife-thinks-masturbating-makes-me-a-sexual-monster/

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