After 4 months into dating, my boyfriend wanted to break up as he cannot accept it. I was a child survivor of sexual abused and during the initial phase of getting to know my boyfriend, I shared with him that I was sexually abused when I was young. He was fine with it. Gradually, we became a couple. He is 38 and I am 23.
4 months into the relationship, It was fine ongoing at first until little quarrels surfaced. In fact, one of it triggered out my past. I finally shared with him the details of the past abused and he could not accept it. He shared with me he felt uncomfortable and uneasy about it and it was his limit. He said he wasn’t emotionally ready and did not love me enough to accept my past. I told him that the abused was something I had no choice, no control, something which i could not change at all and most importantly I was not at fault. He said he understood but still cannot accept it. He said he was actually very serious in this relationship such that he thinks in long term and would be afraid that if we settle down for marriage for future, he cannot love me and at the end, a divorce would happened and it only complicate things especially if there are children. He said thinking of long term, he has to be fair with me and protect my future.
Well, he said he cannot provide me with the unconditional love that I needed after knowing about the details. I guess that is because he is a functional guy. I am really disappointed with his thinkings and I shared with him that the future is for us to work things out together and things will gradually change and adapt and I will overcome my past. I have run out of ideas on how to make him accept my past… Right now, i have a trust issue as I was so sincere with him to share this past and ended up, having to face rejection. There is a big question in me that why can’t he accept the my abused when it belongs to the past and it is what the present and future matters.
A: Thank you for sending your heartfelt letter. You have only invested four months. I would take him at his word and don’t try to push it. He is been clear about his limitations and I would honor this. You deserve to have somebody who can accept you.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Apr 2014
Tomasulo, D. (2014). I Was a Child Survivor of Sexual Abuse. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 17, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/04/18/i-was-a-child-survivor-of-sexual-abuse/