Don’t Know How To Be a Friend

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’ve been friends for a while with someone but we talk about movies and tv shows and stuff like that but never personal stuff like family and favorite colors and stuff. I myself don’t open up much, i have to be asked. So this is my issue, how do i broach the topic b/c i feel like they’re like me and don’t wanna share???

A: Thank you for asking this important question.

Being a good friend takes work. It often means you need to be a bit vulnerable as well. I would suggest you talk about something that may have been a problem in the past but that you have resolved it. Talking about something personal that has happened to you is an easy way to get started.

We tell stories to one another and when we do — our friends learn about who we are — and we learn about them. Stories that have a beginning middle and end that aren’t currently very painful are the best place to start. This helps each of you disclose more to the other and the bonds of friendship grow from there.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral




Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Apr 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Don’t Know How To Be a Friend. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from

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