From the U.S.: After a lifetime of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, my mom has stopped talking to me for 2 years now. Since I was born my mother hated me and the family knew it. She spread stories about me that were untrue and as a result I no longer have a family. I believe she has NPD. I was her scapegoat. My sister had her 3 children taken from her by the state for neglect and abuse. Part of the cycle allowed done to us by her who should have protected us.

Mom tried taking my then 1 year old daughter claiming anyone could file to take a child. Judge yelled at her while standing, court reporter as well and bailiff restraining. Since she was stopped, she has refused to talk to me.

I know I shouldn’t need her. I know based on the fact I was taken from her when I was 12 due to the same reasons that she is toxic to be around. I just wish I had a mom. I married on the anniversary of 1 year of no speaking. I didn’t realize it at the time. I had my son 2 months ago. I sent her emails and allowed my husband to see me send these so they could see I was at least trying.

I don’t know what to do to repair the relationship since I want to, although I know it’s impossible. Very depressed. Getting down about this. Not PPD. Just sad about family status and how I’m the black sheep.

A: Sadly, not everyone gets the family a child should have. As much as you’d like things to be different, you can’t make your mother be the mother she should be. You’ve done all a person can do to give your mother a chance to be a decent person now in spite of the history of abuse. It hasn’t worked. It’s not going to work.

It’s time you turned your eyes and your heart to the family you are making instead of the one you were born to. You’ve found love. You are married and now have a child who needs you to be the mother you should have had but didn’t get. Pour your time and your love into your relationships with your husband and little boy. You’ll get far more than you give.

A family is a way of feeling. It’s not biology. You don’t need your bio-mother to mother you. You do need some older and wiser women in your life who love you and appreciate you and who can give you some friendly advice and comfort when you need it. Please consider getting involved in a house of worship or an organization that attracts women of all ages. Offer your help and the friendships will come. The best way to find supportive and friendly people is to be one.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Mar 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). She Wants a Relationship with a Mother Who Hates Her. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/28/she-wants-a-relationship-with-a-mother-who-hates-her/