From the U.S. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years and when things are easy everything is perfect. My issue is that he lies and gets mad when I catch him doing things and wants nothing to do with it. I caught him seeing a girl daily for a year two years later, skyping girls from our church, talking to a girl from chat roulette while we took a break and held my hand while she messages him. Well I’ve told him things I don’t approve of like skyping random girls and he did it again and even took our dog to the dog park with a girl he knows is on the less classy side. Id let him be around girls but he chooses to lie and to be around girls who are trouble and it worried me. I’ve messed up but I’ve always been honest and let him know, but he lies about everything. He claimed he didn’t see that girl everyday but only once before church. This was touchy for me because we first started meeting at a church and he invited this girl. I really love him but I don’t know how to approach him he hides stuff, lies, and gets very mad when he’s caught and doesn’t seem to feel remorse so I have a lot of pain. Is there a way I can talk to him to make this better? Please help me because I really do love him more than anything I just need to know how to talk to him.
A: Sometimes people tell us things without talking.
You two have been together since you were 13! It looks to me like your boyfriend wants to break up so he can explore other relationships before he settles down. Instead of being honest with you (and maybe with himself) about it, he sets up situations where you will catch him looking around. He is willing to be the “bad guy,” so you can be the one to break it off and perhaps spare your feelings a bit.
You aren’t taking him up on it, which must make him feel both frustrated and upset.
Please do — take him up on it, that is. Break this off and get more experience with relationships. After you’ve been apart for a while and have seen who else is out there, you two might find each other again. If that happens, you’ll be on much more secure footing for a permanent commitment. If it doesn’t, my hope is that you will each have discovered a more mature and lasting love.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Mar 2014
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). Boyfriend Lies and Has No Remorse. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 25, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/28/boyfriend-lies-and-has-no-remorse/