I Can’t Trust My Baby Dad

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: My boyfriend and I have been together on/off for three years now. Our relationship started off great we could do everything together and didn’t really care about anything else. Within a couple months we decided to date. I found out he was still talking to his ex girlfriend who he was obsessed with and so in love with. I felt so hurt. One night he threw a party at his house and he ended up passing out (falling asleep), so I went through his phone he had about 10 girls he was texting asking for them to come spend the night.Then I went on his facebook and saw he was talking to about 30 different girls. I was so hurt I left his house.

But for reason I just kept taking him back. Within a couple months one of my good friends called me telling me my boyfriend gave her his number. He didn’t know she was my friend. I broke it off again but within a month I took him back. We now have been spending every day together and then I found out he has been still talking to his ex girlfriend.

About a year and half ago I got pregnant. We decided to live together for the babies sake. I am now 8 months pregnant and we were together for over 3 years now on and off. He ended up packing up all his stuff and leaving me 9 months pregnant and I found out he had hooked up with some random girl. I was so hurt I couldn’t stop crying.

We ended up getting back together again. and now my baby is three months old and we still live together he has changed he hasn’t talked to any other girl since then but I still accuse him almost every day of cheating on me and it is ruining my life. I am just not happy I don’t know what to do. I cant leave him something about him I just love. Please help me with this situation. I tried putting all the basic information in here. I really want us to work out and forget about the past but I just cant I want a family. I want this to work for my baby girl. Please help me out on this.

A: You are very much in danger of creating the situation you most fear. This man has done his best to turn his life around and yet it’s not enough for you. You accuse him and distrust him.

I’m not saying I blame you for your trust issues. But I do think you need to put this into perspective. You two started seeing each other when you were only 17. It sounds like you were more ready for an exclusive relationship than he was during your teen years. He fooled around. He even left you when you were pregnant! You had every reason to show him the door.

But then the baby came and it seems your guy woke up. Since then, he’s done his best to grow up and be the man you and your child need. To keep on course, he needs your appreciation and your confidence in him, not your accusations.

It’s very tough to give someone second chance. But in this case, the baby is the difference that seems to have made the difference.

Ultimately, trust is a gift we decide to give someone after they’ve apologized and done their best to make things right. For your own sake and your baby’s, I hope you can give him that gift. That’s your share of making this threesome into a family. His share is to continue with his decision to be a committed partner and father.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Mar 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). I Can’t Trust My Baby Dad. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/21/i-cant-trust-my-baby-dad/