My Boyfriend Assumes I Can’t Be Trusted

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: Me and my boyfriend are in a new relationship. We’re about month in and we’ve been getting in arguments about my friends. I grew up with two brothers. So most of my friends are male and every time we talk about them he gets irritated and implies that we were probably more than just friends in the past or that they’re some kind of sexual back story to why they’re my friend now. He doesn’t see how his comments are hurtful. Especially when i wanna go out with my friends and he gets irritated and says that he trusts me, but not the men. All I see out of that statement is that he doesn’t trust me and assumes I’m going to start flirting and talking to someone else. If I try to bring it up and discuss it with him, it turns into a huge argument. I don’t know how to talk about it with him and it not turn into a huge argument.

A: You have more than enough information that this relationship is not for you. The first months of a relationship are supposed to be about romance and fascination, not accusations and fights. Instead of trying to get to know you better, your guy is assuming the worst of you. I can only guess that someone really hurt him in the past and now he thinks he can protect himself from further hurt by being distrustful and vigilant. He probably doesn’t realize that he is guaranteeing that you won’t stay. He needs to give you the trust you deserve. If he can’t or won’t, you need to find someone who will.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Mar 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). My Boyfriend Assumes I Can’t Be Trusted. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/20/my-boyfriend-assumes-i-cant-be-trusted/