Controlling Personality And Jealousy

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I am 35 years old lady married to 41 years old man. I feel jealous a lot when we go out and there are girls in the streets even I know my husband is faithful and I trust him but I feel annoyed big time and I turn my anger on him accusing him for looking when I know sometimes that he didn’t look at them. And as a result we fight.

As well, I check his phone and emails and one day we fought about email coming from some girl at work and it was work, nothing personal in it but I was angry. And after that I was asking him everyday if he saw her or talked to her at work. And then he removed his email account from the computer we both use; he said that this is to avoid fights about the emails. But I feel very upset because of that and I don’t know what to do, I don’t have access to his work emails anymore. Should I ask for divorce? Although my husband is very straight and loving man and we both click very well and we have wonderful times when things are calm, but I cannot stop controlling him and at what he looks and who he talks to. I live a nightmare and I feel helpless about my behavior being angry jealous and controlling. I feel frustrated when I don’t get my way and I know its wrong. Anyway this imagination is in my head is exhausting me a lot and taking all my energy and ruining my life.

A: Thank you for allowing me to answer your concerns. What seems clear from your description is that you’re creating the problem. This often happens when there it’s a struggle to be in an intimate relationship. You may want to ask yourself why do you keep blowing it up? By your own words you say you were picking a fight, causing a riff, and forcing him to shut down.

My suggestion is to enter into individual therapy to find out why you’re pushing him away. You’re saying, other than the problems you were generating, he’s a good man. Divorcing him without looking at the source of the conflict within yourself would only likely allow the issue to occur again in the next relationship.

I find out what’s causing you to alienate your husband.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Mar 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Controlling Personality And Jealousy. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/18/controlling-personality-and-jealousy/