Hello. I have had this dream a few times in my life with four different partners. I dream that I find out that they were born a man (usually a disproportioned ugly man), then at some point in their life, they had a sex change operation to become a female, and have hid that fact about themselves. None of the women I’ve had this dream about are manly in any way, they were petite and very feminine in personality and looks, and the dream is quite disturbing as I do not know why I dream about it, or whether it is a good dream or bad. In the dream, when I find this out, I do not believe it at all and try to prove the obvious impossibility of she being a man, and I become very disturbed and sick, also incredibly depressed about the dishonesty. Once I unwillingly accept that she was a man, she starts to change slightly into the man, like I start to see similarities between her false feminine perfection and the man that she was, and I start to get more sick and disgusted, and start to loathe myself for being so blind and not seeing it. The dream usually consists of the above, and a dragged out confrontation between her and myself, and an internal dialogue between my sane and rational self and my dream self who accepts it, the former explaining the obvious impossibility of her being a man and the latter always proving that it must be true. I wake up sick to the stomach, and restless, and knowing that it is not true at all. I just can’t figure out why I dream that, and why so often, it kind of eats away at me and I start to distrust my partners sincerity, so the dream definitely affects me negatively. Please help me make sense of this? Thank you.
A: Thank you for sharing your dream with me. Unfortunately, an accurate analysis of the dream isn’t possible because there are a variety of different conditions, influences, and history that I am not aware of. As an example the dream could be a way of highlighting the struggle for intimacy with her or it could be about a transition in her life that is threatening you. There are also other interpretations about sexual identity concerns, or unresolved issues from childhood that are possibilities.
The one thing that is certain is the dream is disturbing to you and has captured your attention. I tend to view all dreams as being valuable because they have broken through our unconscious to get our attention. We should wrestle with them to figure out why.
My strong encouragement is to track down a therapist who has proficiency in dreams. Not all therapists will be able to help you with the interpretation, but when you are interviewing them ask if they work with dreams in their practice. Until then keep a dream log of what was happening the day you had to dream, the description of it, and the feelings that came along with it. This will be good information for you to bring the therapist.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Mar 2014
Tomasulo, D. (2014). I Dreamt My Partner Is a Transsexual. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/16/i-dreamt-my-partner-is-a-transsexual/