Grieving and Depressed Again

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been a widow over eight years, and have been treated for depression and anxiety on and off longer than that. As far as my grief is concerned, I was healing well. However, the past 6 months, my grief has come back with a vengeance, and my general depression and anxiety have been worse. I am missing my husband more than I have in years, and no one understands. When my friends complain about their “stupid” husbands bringing the wrong item home from the store, not asking for directions, not parenting the kids “right”, etc. I just want to run out of the room screaming. I’m not talking about those who are/were married to abusive jerks, I’m talking about the ones who are blessed to still have good husbands that mess up sometimes, but they just want to put them down so they can feel superior. And when I hear them talk about how great it is when their husbands are having to work late or are out of the house for any other reason because hubby is not there to get on their nerves, my heart breaks. I know we all need a break from our loved ones sometimes, but right now I would give anything to be annoyed by my husband, yet my married friends don’t even appreciate the good times, and patronize me when I tell them how I feel. I am also struggling at work, but none of the alternatives appeal to me. Plus I am having disabling panic attacks. I don’t know what to do!!!

A: I am so sorry that you are feeling so much grief about your loss. I think the best thing to do is to work with a counselor who specializes in grieving. Often the community hospitals have a group that helps with loss, and sometimes there are private practitioners that have that specialty. I would check with the hospitals first as they often have low or no cost options for grief counseling. Here is some further information that might help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Mar 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Grieving and Depressed Again. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/09/grieving-and-depressed-again/