Crazy Issues with Family

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I need serious advice/feedback because I don’t know who I can ask about all this.

My sister is married to my brother in law. My brother in law has 2 married sisters who technically I’m not related to. Before she was married I knew one of his sisters for a short time and had the hots for her but never told her (nor my brother in law), to this day I still find her hot looking (I’m single) my Sister knows I find her hot. My brother in laws married friend also has the hots for his sister but everyone knows it and he has grabbed her ass before and she didn’t stop it and nobody cared it happened not even her husband.

I found out from my sister that her brother and sister in laws touch each other’s husbands/wife in private areas and talk dirty to each other, and send naked photos to each other, they all say its in good fun and everyone is ok with it. They do not have sex or kiss on the lips though. This might explain why my brother in laws friend got away with what he did.

My sister has made me aware that her brother in laws have started kissing her on the neck and grabbed one of her boobs, she did not expect it and one of her brother in laws talks to her on text more than his own wife (the hot one), and complains about her to my sister, to me its like hes hitting on her when his wife is in a bad mood. My sister told me she isn’t ok with being touched by them and I think they are trying to get her involved in this touching orgy. My brother in law doesn’t have this issue as he only has brother in laws, but his sister sometimes grabs his butt and I found that very odd too. He doesn’t talk about this around me and nobody tries anything with me if I’m over.

First off I’m in a very odd position. I find my brother in laws married sister hot, but apparently marriage in that family doesn’t mean you can’t find someone attractive and want to touch them. I am jealous of my brother in laws brother in laws and his friend for being able to touch his hot sister, I deep down would love to do that and I’m single so I have nobody to worry about cheating, but no girl has given cues they want me to touch them. Her husband seems to just use her for sex and who knows if she got a divorce should I if it happens try anything?

Then about my sister, as her older brother am I supposed to say anything about what happened to her? She told me I’m not supposed to know about it and her husband isn’t too bothered by it. These guys are 3 and 10 years older than me, so 31 and 39, that makes them 5 and 12 years older than my sister. Apparently she knows about their behavior, so if she doesn’t do it then its kind of like knowing too much about their secret and that seems like a bad situation to be in.

People are uneasy when I’m around so I can’t tell if its they don’t like me or are afraid I know their secret, still my brother in laws friend got involved so he isn’t family like I’m not, what gives!

I need advice because things are bothering me and I don’t know what’s wrong or right anymore! I got this fantasy in my head and now my body and mind kind of find it sexy rather than wrong I wish it was me.

A: From your description it sounds like many people in your family are emotionally immature. Instead of putting all your focus on touching your hot sister-in-law, you may want to devote some of your energy to developing social and dating skills, vocational goals, and friendships.

At 28 you’re devoting too much attention to grabbing your sister-in-law’s butt, or protecting your sister’s boobs. She will have to deal with that herself. I think you want to learn to channel your energies toward more productive goals.

Fantasies are fine, but when they start consuming your time, energy and intention, we want to tip the scales in the other direction.

As for your sister — she’s a big girl and will have to deal with this on her own.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Mar 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Crazy Issues with Family. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/09/crazy-issues-with-family/