Obsessing Over Guys

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Hi. I’m a senior in high school and going into this year I was highly motivated determined to be the best that I could be. I had a terrible year last school year with sickness, social drama (boys included and lost my best friends), and family and pet deaths. I went into this year a happier person but ever since I became friends with this new friend group I became more social towards everyone and have lost that motivation to do anything academically.

However at the same time I am still not happy with my friends. In one week of knowing them I had gotten so close to well at least the guys but one guy ended up leaving and I hooked up with the another one and now I just feel like I am the black sheep of the group therefore I have expanded my circle. However even when i was hooking up with the guy, i knew i did not like him. however, maybe due to the lack of any other potential crushes, i still think to myself that i may like him. But when i go to hang out i remember that I don’t. A similar thing happened last year except after I broke up with my best friends off limits ex boyfriend did I start to become obsessed about him. I also become constantly paranoid that they have other girls and distrust then. Because of all these guy issues I feel like I’ve started blaming my dad who I have never lived due to work with but is still married with my mom who I can talk to about everything but boys and drugs.

Recently I also randomly feel like crying (and I usually never cry) because i feel like there are so many emotions I’m trying to get out but can’t. Sometimes I even try to force myself to cry because it might relieve me of some of the emotions that are bottling up in my body. Sometimes I all of a sudden have this overwhelming feeling of being trapped and I just need to get out to anywhere and cry by myself when I’m not even sad. But then I wish I had someone that I could run to even though I hate when others see me cry. But other times I randomly become such a fun loving person and can laugh uncontrollably. But it’s just on the surface because I can go back into that weird mood very quickly.

I guess what I’m asking is if you think I have the very definition of daddy issues or am I just blaming it on my dad for the guy troubles (there are more problems than I have named)? And am I starting to have depression?

A: I can’t tell if you are starting to have a clinical diagnosis of depression. But you’ve shared enough for me to be concerned that you are feeling so mixed up and miserable. To lump everything into “daddy issues” is to make light of what may be a more serious problem. You seem to have a hole inside that is temporarily filled up with a boy or drama or both. All the hooking up and breaking up and questioning and trust issues certainly distract you from the business of doing well in school, figuring out what you’re going to do after graduation, keeping close with close friends and maybe finding a relationship that works — all things that are difficult but important parts of a teen’s senior year of high school.

I also don’t want to overlook the possibility that the emotional upheaval may be medical in origin. If you haven’t seen a doctor for a physical in awhile, that’s the first thing to do.

Medical or emotional, you’ve done what you know how to do to level off. Since all your good efforts haven’t worked, I do think it’s time for you to talk to a pro. Make an appointment with 1) your doctor for a checkup and 2) with a mental health professional for an evaluation. Once you know what you’re dealing with, you’ll be able to decide what to do about it.

Please don’t let more time go by before getting some help. Graduation is coming fast. I think you want to enjoy the last part of your senior year.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Mar 2014

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2014). Obsessing Over Guys. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/03/obsessing-over-guys/