Daughter, Boyfriend Don’t Get Along

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My daughter is 25, about 2years ago I meet a nice man, and instantly we clicked, had a very strong chemistry between us. After 6 mounts later I asked him to move in with me, because of our crazy work seagull we had very limited time to see each other. Me and my daughter own the house we live in. Several months later my daughters BF had a confrontation with my BF, and since then my daughter and my BF had this animosity between them. That was making me very uncomfortable to be between them. Back in March of 2013 he moved out, but because we loved each other so, he came back. But back in October they had a huge fight between them and my BF moved out saying I will not come back. But mean wile he DOSENT let me go, he tells me “let’s be friends, I love you and will always love you”. I’m very confused at this point. I wrote him a goodbye letter, but he called me and told me “why you want me out of your life, we still can be friends”. I have very mixed signals from him and don’t know what to do at this point. I do love him with all my heart, I will be with him in a heart bit if he wants to be with me again, but several time he told me “we are only friends nothing more”. I don’t know if he wants to know if my daughter is going to move out or get married any time soon, then he will ask me to go beck together again, I don’t know!

A: This doesn’t sound like he is giving you mixed messages. He is saying that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend and that he wants to be just friends instead. He moved out and has been clear that he doesn’t want to be with you as anything more than a friend.

The difficulty is that you want more than the friendship. It sounds like you are saying it is too difficult for you to be just friends. If it is, then you will have to let him go. Judging from what you are saying it sounds like you either want him in your life as a boyfriend or out. The way to test this out is to think about how it would be knowing he is dating someone else while you are still talking to him as a friend. If you can handle this then pursue him as a friend. If you can’t — then you will have to be the one that sets the limits.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Mar 2014

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2014). Daughter, Boyfriend Don’t Get Along. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/03/03/daughter-boyfriend-dont-get-along/